There is no mathematical equation that is logical in matters of the heart. I have come to feel that 2 halves DO NOT make a whole.. 2 WHOLES make a WHOLE. It's amazing how in true form the creator sets in motion the flow of the universe. We ebb and flow with it and we ride it's course and sometimes we vere on our own paths. Free will allows us to do so until somehow the forked road meet again into one.... we then realize that we simply took a detour.. for some of us it's long and some it's short. Then some of us somehow never see the road meet, we find a whole other path. All decisions we make somehow pose a question to be answered as to.."did we make the right one?" only to be answered by perhaps a lesson. We stop and ask ourselves what lesson did we learn or why are we repeating the same one? They may come in all kinds of packages and we ask ourselves again..How am I calling this or that situation to myself? did I not get through this lesson? Sometimes our lesson just evolves. We figure out that we need to call to ourselves specific desires and wants in a person. But just how specific do we get? We start to realize that the least specific we are, the least results we get. We ask for little and we get little. Out of 10 items we may get 2 and some how especially as women we have the amazing ability to try to create a relationship out of these two things. We think we are being unconditional in acceptance, giving the benefit of the doubt, not being superficial and picky by wanting 9 out of 1o things. Therefore..before you know it we are dealing with a "half" of a partner or potential partner.
Hopefully, we have come to understand that we also must deal with if we are a "half" or a "whole" of a person to bring to a relationship. After so many lessons we start to get better at our own self work and understand that though another may "complement" us, the old movie line in Jerry Mcquire -" you complete me" may not be all it's cracked up to be in the cute fuzzy romance, -you-are-my-soul- mate department. We may take this line in the movie a bit too far and buy into the notion that some person out there will make up for what we are missing, compensate or fill in for what we may lack. We naively open the door to much deeper issues in ourselves. They surface like wolves in sheep's clothing... what we may think is being loving and supportive or fiercely loyal to someone is really our own fear of abandonment from perhaps our past or childhood. Our father or mother left us and so we think we did something wrong, therefore we never want to be the one in that place to hurt someone.. so we stay in a situation way too long or we self sabotage our way out so that we never have to "leave" we let the other person do it. We have felt perhaps so out of control in our past that this is our way of being in control in a dysfunctional manner. Yet we still scratch our heads in frustration as to why our relationships never work. Without knowing it we have sent ourselves into a revolving door and every time we come back to the same place. We subconsciously have called the universe to send us a person that is not our "whole" but a "half". We work hard to correct, fix and change in another person what we ourselves should be fixing, correcting and changing in ourselves. Then we wonder once again.. "why didn't it work?" well two halves don't make a whole...
Then one day perhaps again.. it clicks.. hmm an epiphany of sorts. We start to settle into being alone with ourselves, clarifying what is that we truly want, we give ourselves permission to ask for 9 out of 10 things in a person. As people start to cross our paths we start to see the once make shift puzzle pieces we made fit are no longer fitting .. they don't really fit. It's really starting to look like one chaotic mess, no picture finished just a bunch of puzzle pieces. We may even try to make them fit again.. yet something is different. At this point, We may open a floodgate sometimes receiving at times the complete opposite now. Where we once pleaded with a neon sign across our foreheads for someone to want us, love us and accept us into the cherished role of the "partner" we now find that our palates have changed. We used to give way too much to someone and allowed them to take from us. We practically gave what we had away. But, Now we notice that every suitor wants to be with you, chase you down, give you all, make you all. Isn't it great?They want to give back to you! But really? Do they? We suddenly realize that there are two faces to "taking" from someone. This the second..those that still want to take because they are "halves" looking for a way to make themselves "whole". We downplay the importance of our "gut" intuition. We NEED to listen. It has been so convoluted with past experiences full of hurts, disappointments, in failed relationships that we find it hard to be a good judge of character. Everything seems to want to take on a shade of gray, but now we hope things are becoming more black and white. Our intuition is fighting to break through. The universe is pushing it forward to speak to us so that we can get back on that path...
No. Two halves DO NOT make a WHOLE. This is a testimony of my latest experiences and continued experience. Everything I just said I am living everyday right now and every realization is manifesting itself. I believe it takes two people to come into their own as individuals. Their core of who they are to be present in every aspect. One's mental state, the way one lives their lives is physical manifestation of their inner truths. They are secure in who they are, where they are going, what they have established in and for themselves. They have been existing without you for some time and you have simply arrived as a guest at THEIR party. If you did not show up.. well the party would still go on and they'd still be the center of it as the person of honor. As this should be vice versa for ourselves. Like a nice set of those perfect accessories you may add to an outfit, that last paint stroke to a finished piece to create just the right accent, the last spice you add to a dish to give that savory taste to a food. All these things could exist without, but adding these finishing touches makes it all the more better. The cherry on top so to speak.
Really.. truthfully.. this is all that it should be.. a cherry on top. "you complete me" is an overrated line, a dangerous line in which to hang our heart strings on. That line's translation should really say " you are my cherry on top" But our own distorted rose colored glasses through our own experiences have made a whole new meaning to this.. in which we have taken off and run a muck with. Now our minds are weary, our souls are tired and our bodies are aching, wrenching for some stillness, some peace. The simplicity to enter a union with someone where in these things just listed all work and sing in harmony. Yes there are compromises, sacrifices, strengths and weaknesses that can be worked out with two people in how they help one another along in life. Yet once again.. they come as a helper.. a blessing in disguise. Sometimes they are permanent, sometimes temporary, sometimes our lover, sometimes a friend, sometimes our relative. We should never doubt that we will get the help we need, but we should never expect it has to come in a partner. We should just be grateful if we should be bestowed upon that gift. It's not a privilege nor a right as we have no rights to anyone's being as our possessions. They are simply on loan.....to help us along this journey and should they manifest as our mates then we have had the opportunity of a blessing. Yet, when you feel you are blessed and you breathe deep and look around and no one else is there but you ....and feel at ease.. well then you just may have recognized that "whole" you were looking for...and it's YOU. Then sit back and let the creator and the universe do the rest.. just surrender to whatever that may be. In the end.. at least for me.. as I calculate my final equation...... 1 whole + 1 whole= a whole. Good luck on your journey!
With soul,
Artistic Soul
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Dance Does a Body Good and the Soul....
Dubbin... what is Dubbin? I am wondering what the young girl wide eyed yet speaking so matter-of-factly is talking about. She realizes my fellow dancer colleague and I sitting on the stage listening intently have no idea what she is talking about. So she proceeds to explain the ritual of the school dance where the boy comes up from behind the girl and starts grinding on her with his pelvis and other such non welcomed body parts to say the least. My friend and I look at each other with recollection in our memories of something sounding very familiar about this and simultaneously we blurt out with smirks, tossed back heads and roll of the eyes... "ooohhhh yeah we know all about that!"
They are young girls gathered in the assembly ages 14-17 and we have many more years on them yet there's no great chasm in relating to their horror stories of broken boundaries and mounting pressures weighing on their sexuality. Surprisingly, these girls were one up on the game when they were asked questions by their facilitator on what they felt was the difference between the dancing of myself and my colleague K (i'll call her).. and that of the Gold Digger video by Kayne West we just showed them. K and I sat there perhaps waiting for the moment we'd have to scurry thoughts around in our heads for the rescuing counter answer to their lost mislead insights into the video. Nope no such need.. we took a nice deep breath and there was no need to ride in on our white horses and shining armor of truth for the rescue. These girls had it on lock. They quickly spouted out insightful answers with such conviction revealing the video's true transparency. There it was in plain daylight the exploiting of women's sexuality and the provocative, barely if any dancing at all display for men.
K and I had no idea the incredible experience we were embarking upon. Here we were representatives from the Roots Dance Theatre in Massachusetts at the Girl's Leadership Institute Summer Camp ready to explore the unmarked territory of these young girls lives. They already spent some time engaging in breaking down some of the social and emotional walls they had when they arrived at camp and so what was our purpose? Hmmm well I would say there is nothing better than the task of sharing the very thing you love, to educate and inspire... DANCE. One show with Roots Dance Theatre a few months previous led to this moment. We had put our hearts on the stage as RDT in San Diego and were discovered by Rachel Simmons,an educator coach and founder of GLI (Girl's Leadership Institute) who took to our expression and message of our dance. There we were with the opportunity to contribute to these girls impressionable journeys through their summer camp.
It was an eye opening time being able to share our personal talents with these young women in dance workshops. After wonderful input and direction from Rachel we were able to engage with them in a way that would be thought provoking. We asked them questions that would allow them to connect to themselves through dance. It was so refreshing to hear them jump at the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. The performance we prepared for them made a hit impression on them and even better was the following Q and A dialogue. K and I sharing our lives beyond dance was such an honor as they listened to us as a captive audience. These days it's a challenging thing to do in finding that connection with young teen women. We realized the power of dance had created a way for them to question and explore their sexuality and belief systems, their life choices and personal empowerment. Who would of thought this? But there we were in deep discussion and that was it.. they were sold.. hook line and sinker. The thrill and rush of adrenaline, the unpredictability in the unknown of the possible outcomes and reaffirmation of all the hard work we were there to share all came to one amazing end.
Last day, last workshop and the last thoughts of our new young friends on a piece of paper sharing their thoughts on our work there was all worth it as we sat on the plane ride home reading over 30 piece of loos leaf papers. Lives were impacted and changed and our dream purpose to take RDT to new heights of reformation in the dance world and communities were all sealed with a stamp of approval that weekend. Roots Dance Theatre was making it's introduction into the world exceeding all expectations and defining themselves as ground breakers ready to share their gifts of dance, education, and roots with all those around them. K and I were simply glad that we could be those vessels to show that Dance DOES do a BODY good and the SOUL.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
They are young girls gathered in the assembly ages 14-17 and we have many more years on them yet there's no great chasm in relating to their horror stories of broken boundaries and mounting pressures weighing on their sexuality. Surprisingly, these girls were one up on the game when they were asked questions by their facilitator on what they felt was the difference between the dancing of myself and my colleague K (i'll call her).. and that of the Gold Digger video by Kayne West we just showed them. K and I sat there perhaps waiting for the moment we'd have to scurry thoughts around in our heads for the rescuing counter answer to their lost mislead insights into the video. Nope no such need.. we took a nice deep breath and there was no need to ride in on our white horses and shining armor of truth for the rescue. These girls had it on lock. They quickly spouted out insightful answers with such conviction revealing the video's true transparency. There it was in plain daylight the exploiting of women's sexuality and the provocative, barely if any dancing at all display for men.
K and I had no idea the incredible experience we were embarking upon. Here we were representatives from the Roots Dance Theatre in Massachusetts at the Girl's Leadership Institute Summer Camp ready to explore the unmarked territory of these young girls lives. They already spent some time engaging in breaking down some of the social and emotional walls they had when they arrived at camp and so what was our purpose? Hmmm well I would say there is nothing better than the task of sharing the very thing you love, to educate and inspire... DANCE. One show with Roots Dance Theatre a few months previous led to this moment. We had put our hearts on the stage as RDT in San Diego and were discovered by Rachel Simmons,an educator coach and founder of GLI (Girl's Leadership Institute) who took to our expression and message of our dance. There we were with the opportunity to contribute to these girls impressionable journeys through their summer camp.
It was an eye opening time being able to share our personal talents with these young women in dance workshops. After wonderful input and direction from Rachel we were able to engage with them in a way that would be thought provoking. We asked them questions that would allow them to connect to themselves through dance. It was so refreshing to hear them jump at the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. The performance we prepared for them made a hit impression on them and even better was the following Q and A dialogue. K and I sharing our lives beyond dance was such an honor as they listened to us as a captive audience. These days it's a challenging thing to do in finding that connection with young teen women. We realized the power of dance had created a way for them to question and explore their sexuality and belief systems, their life choices and personal empowerment. Who would of thought this? But there we were in deep discussion and that was it.. they were sold.. hook line and sinker. The thrill and rush of adrenaline, the unpredictability in the unknown of the possible outcomes and reaffirmation of all the hard work we were there to share all came to one amazing end.
Last day, last workshop and the last thoughts of our new young friends on a piece of paper sharing their thoughts on our work there was all worth it as we sat on the plane ride home reading over 30 piece of loos leaf papers. Lives were impacted and changed and our dream purpose to take RDT to new heights of reformation in the dance world and communities were all sealed with a stamp of approval that weekend. Roots Dance Theatre was making it's introduction into the world exceeding all expectations and defining themselves as ground breakers ready to share their gifts of dance, education, and roots with all those around them. K and I were simply glad that we could be those vessels to show that Dance DOES do a BODY good and the SOUL.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
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