So now I am not going to go into some doting slobbery rainbow filled story of how we met, the love story and so on, though it's a wonderful story. I more wanted to chat about what's been my thought process through this new experience and transition in my life. It all starts with the question asked by friends, "How's married life?" I took a moment to think about that since it's a reoccurring question. So let's talk about this. What was my answer? Nothing has changed. Now I know, hearing that statement wasn't what you really expected and nor does it sound awe inspiring and happy. Well, just hold on a minute. Let me expand a little more. Nothing has really changed because nothing has really changed in the way my relationship moves on a daily. My wife and I continue on interacting with one another as we always have. The one change there is, is the title. But, I know people want to know a little deeper. People want to know how do I feel? Has something changed or shifted? The question may not be asked consciously, but subconsciously people are wondering are things different now with the formal title of marriage. Perhaps is it better? worse? magical? what?! So let me address my perspective on it all and how I really feel.
I think that we as a society have placed a heavy expectation on marriage. I think that many people have different responses or preconceived notions about marriage due to our own personal experiences or social influences. I think that some of us have a negative connotation that this is the end of personal freedom and now one is bound forever on lock down. There is a fear that surfaces that one's autonomy is gone or that one's inadequacy will be revealed. Others think that this is a fix-it-all to their own personal dysfunctional narratives about being loved and healing their past that have hurtful holes in them. Maybe someone has run a string of relationships being with commitment phobes and if they can just get them to the altar then that means that suddenly the other person's phobia has disappeared. We think that marriage is a cure all magical alternate universal shift or a descent into the hell of partnered isolation. Either way, I think that we are looking at this all wrong.
For me I believe it is the beginning of the end when enter marriage already setting ourselves up for failure through our need to petal stool it or martyr it. When I look at my wife, I still see the same woman. Yes, I made a special proclamation before the world that she is my one and only bound by law. It is big. Yes it is. Yet, her face has not changed, her personality, the side of the bed she wakes up on and how we are on a daily. I think because we honor the new title, but stay present that it is only that, a title; we can confidently navigate the space ahead of us with clarity. As special as it is, we came in whole and ready. There was nothing that a marriage title could fix or replace. So because we see it this way, marriage could be freely appreciated for it's full gift rather than burdened by the expectation of what it is not. It is not a fixer, a replacer, a space holder or anything else. It is really a gift. It is the cherry on top of affirming what is already bound and whole.
So the next time you think about what it feels like to be married. Just think.. it is like this present moment. It simply is. With a cherry on top;)
Gorgeous!!
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