We often shun constant repeated lessons in our lives fearing that we never seem to come to a point of clarity. Each time we seem to find something different with perhaps the same underlined theme. I am one of those that have had the same repeated lessons in partner relationships and as frustrating as it may be, there is some satisfactory joy in the epiphany of some revelation to create change. The latest revelation was I have found that I allow the other person create personal boundaries for me.
Many times we enter relationships thinking that we are clear on the boundaries we will set with a person. As feelings become more involved, "compromising" for the sake of the relationship is indeed compromising but not in the healthy intention of creating unity but the demise of one's personal boundaries of emotions, values and beliefs. During the evolution of the relationship taking place, there comes a point where there may be a rise of the dominant personality. There is the one partner that seems to become the crux in which the direction the relationship may take. The passive partner believes they are holding true to their values, beliefs, wants and desires. Unbeknown to one's self you then realize that you have been swindled by your own self. The other person proceeds to navigate through the relationship without any accountability for their behaviors, their words, their actions and feelings . They remain true to what they feel as themselves as you begin to bend, twist, cut, contort yourself to fit, not the JOINT relationship.. but THEIR relationship. This.. This is exactly what it has become. THEIRS, not "OUR".
These type of relationships can become detrimental to some of us and tricky. We are convinced that we are being cooperative or avoiding uncertain "drama" . In reality we can become so desperate to create a "relationship" that we are willing to accept the terms of another without consulting our true selves as to what is it that we truly want. There may even be times we clearly see that something is not beneficial for us and may even create and uncomfortable feeling for us. Everything in us is screaming at us to listen to our intuition, but we ignore it with an ignorant bliss. We then open our eyes and realize that we have perhaps waded too deep in the waters of disillusionment. So how do we resolve this matter?
We must hold true to our boundaries. There is no magical answer. It's simply a decision. We often compromise out of fear. Fear that the other person will not accept our boundaries, which is in fact a personal respect and value for self. The value of knowing that your boundaries are just as important as the other person's. We fear the person may abandon us and so we deem them of greater importance than ourselves in the contribution and foundation of the relationship. There has to come a time when we stop asking ourselves: "how did I get in this? " or blaming the other person for the state of our unhappiness. Fact of the matter is no one can make you be anywhere or do anything that we don't give permission to. We can't base our decisions hanging on the words and actions of another. I am not saying compromising and reevaluating perhaps some more strict boundaries are wrong, as two people should be assessing what is in the best interest of a relationship that is comfortable for the BOTH. The issue is when the best interest is in the interest of one person.
This is MY personal belief, that when you meet the right person to be your companion they will not ask, imply, manipulate, telepathically or by any other means expect you to compromise your boundaries. YOU will not feel the need to expect that of yourself as well. There will be in existence a harmony and reassurance that the relationship is built within the endless boundaries of happy possibilities.
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Our Control or Beyond it
"Everything happens for a reason"..." There is a plan".."you make your own destiny"..."you are in control" Some phrases that we may hear or thoughts we think and I have stopped to wonder do we realize or ever feel that they seem contrary to one another. I find that it can feel a bit confusing to know how to work with the idea of both being in control and out of control all at the same time. Life presents us with situations in which they can be deemed as good or bad in which even those terms are up for interpretation. Sometimes when we are searching for answers in perhaps our darkest times we feel at a loss. Not knowing if it is us that has created a situation or outcome or we are at the mercy of fate... the universe.. a divine being you believe in or whatever the case may be, but what is the "truth"? what is the "reality"?
There is the reality that we do make our own decisions in life and we choose paths and options that we hold responsibility for. It becomes quite the conundrum or quandary when things don't go as we may think they would or want and we ask ourselves what happened? Did we call this to ourselves as we designed or was there a greater hand at work than us? Even in saying did we call this to ourselves when things are not as we wanted may not make much sense to us, but sometimes we don't realize that beyond our conscious scope, what we REALLY wanted is what came to us. There lies the debate of was that our doing or a greater force at work. Does this start to paint a even more confusing picture for you yet? I don't have an answer to that really. As always my blogs are to create thought and stimulate the ability to ask yourself these questions in which to delve deeper into self. There is always something to ponder in our lives in which moves us to personal growth. This is just one more thing. A very important thing to think about. It has a profound impact on how we navigate through our lives. It tests the core of our most primal natures, intuition, trust and faith in ourselves and the force that moves us that we live with and among everyday. My sneaky suspicion is that both are in work with one another.
If this is true then what can be done to make these concepts as one in our own minds and lives. Often what the challenge is in our lives is that we are divided in thought. We also are creatures in our nature that need and want to be in control. We as individuals find it hard to think that our decisions and eventual outcomes are part of some great energy or determined plan already set for us. So then what do we say about this concept of : are we in control or or not in control? We then have to think about are we players in the game or not? Are we the character or controlling the joystick. There is this this rethinking of all the authors and gurus that encourage us to have visualization of what we want from the Universe. Churches preach faith, "ask and it shall be given to you". What do we do with that? These are all action motivated stimulators implying we have the control to make something happen in our lives. We can become convinced that things are within our control. Then, one day that job you applied for doesn't pan out or that relationship you so thought would work, ends and you hear so often this recycled phrase " if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.." I find that a paradoxical phrase in itself. Everything and anything can come under interpretation, even dependent on who the hearer is. That phrase is a loaded gun, in which one can believe that the meaning implies at some point there is a predestination that determines the outcome of a situation. You just don't know if YOUR "meant to be" is what you want or not and when it's coming. When I say depends on who the hearer is, I mean that say healthy positive perspective of a person may think " well this could mean this may or may not happen and I am good with that." Another person struggling with the outcome of a situation or waiting on one, may have a false hope. They start to think : oh there is a possibility". They live in that "possbility" as a their "present" and not the reality of " now",the present. Still confused?
There is no set answer as to each is their own thoughts on this.. I am just expressing my own questions and thoughts. I pose the question of is there a possibility that our paths are set but we do have the free will to make decisions and the ones we make are but slight detours along the way to a final destination? What destination is another question in which need not to be delved into at this time. I find there is a certain anxiety in this discussion. You wonder.. "Am I making the best decisions for my life and am I on the "right" track" . We'd like to almost take solace perhaps in the fact that some things are just gonna "work out" for the best by another force's will and design and that in the end we won't have to really think or worry about it at all. In reality that is where I believe we should and would want to all be... The feeling of utter trust that our lives are somehow working themselves out. We all tend to incessantly live in our heads. As my friend says "play the game" we love the drama and entertain it. We stay in constant confusion and even when we feel we have found an answer to making these two worlds of control and lack thereof co exist, we still wonder " is this right? " or we are never satisfied with the answer! Perhaps we will never truly know. There is bliss in surrendering. In trusting our deep soulful intuition that has been given to us and letting life take it's course. There is bliss in taking full responsibility for the decisions we have made and embracing them.. the hardship and the joys. Yet we all know that we have to show up for life. We have to contribute. Our bodies don't move without our willing them to do so. We take breathes because we decide to allow them to be inhaled and exhaled. We know that a roof over our heads and food on our table don't come by sheer intention alone. There is a joint partnership that happens on this trek of life. I would suffice to say that life itself on this earth...each day comes along whether we want to show up or not. Time comes and goes whether we participate or not to use it's constant ticking in our lives. This is some evidence that things do have its course. We just need to know where we fit in. Let us all find some symbiance in these concepts being in control or not in control. I think that when we do, we will find that our minds will be a much quieter space in which we could manifest outwardly a place of Peace and Joyful surrender in our lives.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
There is the reality that we do make our own decisions in life and we choose paths and options that we hold responsibility for. It becomes quite the conundrum or quandary when things don't go as we may think they would or want and we ask ourselves what happened? Did we call this to ourselves as we designed or was there a greater hand at work than us? Even in saying did we call this to ourselves when things are not as we wanted may not make much sense to us, but sometimes we don't realize that beyond our conscious scope, what we REALLY wanted is what came to us. There lies the debate of was that our doing or a greater force at work. Does this start to paint a even more confusing picture for you yet? I don't have an answer to that really. As always my blogs are to create thought and stimulate the ability to ask yourself these questions in which to delve deeper into self. There is always something to ponder in our lives in which moves us to personal growth. This is just one more thing. A very important thing to think about. It has a profound impact on how we navigate through our lives. It tests the core of our most primal natures, intuition, trust and faith in ourselves and the force that moves us that we live with and among everyday. My sneaky suspicion is that both are in work with one another.
If this is true then what can be done to make these concepts as one in our own minds and lives. Often what the challenge is in our lives is that we are divided in thought. We also are creatures in our nature that need and want to be in control. We as individuals find it hard to think that our decisions and eventual outcomes are part of some great energy or determined plan already set for us. So then what do we say about this concept of : are we in control or or not in control? We then have to think about are we players in the game or not? Are we the character or controlling the joystick. There is this this rethinking of all the authors and gurus that encourage us to have visualization of what we want from the Universe. Churches preach faith, "ask and it shall be given to you". What do we do with that? These are all action motivated stimulators implying we have the control to make something happen in our lives. We can become convinced that things are within our control. Then, one day that job you applied for doesn't pan out or that relationship you so thought would work, ends and you hear so often this recycled phrase " if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.." I find that a paradoxical phrase in itself. Everything and anything can come under interpretation, even dependent on who the hearer is. That phrase is a loaded gun, in which one can believe that the meaning implies at some point there is a predestination that determines the outcome of a situation. You just don't know if YOUR "meant to be" is what you want or not and when it's coming. When I say depends on who the hearer is, I mean that say healthy positive perspective of a person may think " well this could mean this may or may not happen and I am good with that." Another person struggling with the outcome of a situation or waiting on one, may have a false hope. They start to think : oh there is a possibility". They live in that "possbility" as a their "present" and not the reality of " now",the present. Still confused?
There is no set answer as to each is their own thoughts on this.. I am just expressing my own questions and thoughts. I pose the question of is there a possibility that our paths are set but we do have the free will to make decisions and the ones we make are but slight detours along the way to a final destination? What destination is another question in which need not to be delved into at this time. I find there is a certain anxiety in this discussion. You wonder.. "Am I making the best decisions for my life and am I on the "right" track" . We'd like to almost take solace perhaps in the fact that some things are just gonna "work out" for the best by another force's will and design and that in the end we won't have to really think or worry about it at all. In reality that is where I believe we should and would want to all be... The feeling of utter trust that our lives are somehow working themselves out. We all tend to incessantly live in our heads. As my friend says "play the game" we love the drama and entertain it. We stay in constant confusion and even when we feel we have found an answer to making these two worlds of control and lack thereof co exist, we still wonder " is this right? " or we are never satisfied with the answer! Perhaps we will never truly know. There is bliss in surrendering. In trusting our deep soulful intuition that has been given to us and letting life take it's course. There is bliss in taking full responsibility for the decisions we have made and embracing them.. the hardship and the joys. Yet we all know that we have to show up for life. We have to contribute. Our bodies don't move without our willing them to do so. We take breathes because we decide to allow them to be inhaled and exhaled. We know that a roof over our heads and food on our table don't come by sheer intention alone. There is a joint partnership that happens on this trek of life. I would suffice to say that life itself on this earth...each day comes along whether we want to show up or not. Time comes and goes whether we participate or not to use it's constant ticking in our lives. This is some evidence that things do have its course. We just need to know where we fit in. Let us all find some symbiance in these concepts being in control or not in control. I think that when we do, we will find that our minds will be a much quieter space in which we could manifest outwardly a place of Peace and Joyful surrender in our lives.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Monday, April 25, 2011
Self Love vs Self Martyrdom
They say you are what you eat. I also know you are what you think. You are what you see and choose to see. If you don't choose to define who you are then everything around you will define you whether you would like to think so or not. Self love.. a topic that every book guru speaks on under the alternate title of self help books, but how many of us are truly helping ourselves? It's a question I have had to ask myself recently.
I have been one of the many that have invested dollars with book shelves of other people's suggestions of how to love myself. It's not an air of sarcasm I speak as I respect there are those out there with wisdom they want to share that perhaps can give us all a breadcrumb of a clue on how to get to a place where we can be truly happy. Some people read and apply and there is an amazing change, alot of hard work and voila-- success. So then what about those of us that don't seem to come to it so easily? Hold on wait.. better yet those that seem to have gotten it easy we may wanna look at their lives again... we might just see that the grass is not always greener on the other side. They are still working. There are those never ending lessons and those that revisit us when we think that we have conquered them. Do we dare to think that the same people that write these books we so often use as our road map to navigate life like a letter of the law don't struggle in themselves? How is it then that they have come up with so much material to write for you to read? They have been there themselves and one would ask themselves how did they come to a place to find some resolution of self love? They obviously had to find it somewhere. If I could guess I would say it was within themselves. We have become a society of quick fixes and spoon fed ideologies in which rarely these days do we have to think for ourselves. The intention of many of the writers I would want to so graciously say, pour their thoughts and energy onto pages hoping that you would truly help your self, which means THINK yourself and their book is but a guideline not meant for mindless regurgitation and temporary life application. Quick fixes don't change the fact that it is a tireless endless work to work on self. A dirty grimmy deep work that many of us don't want to get our hands soiled for but yet, what is the true point here to realize? What we are looking for is within ourselves....
No one has the capability to make us love ourselves more than we can. So the question is how is it that we choose martyrdom at the demising expense of ourselves over living a life of sacrifice that is invested in loving ourselves? Now let me clarify.. loving yourself is not to be confused with selfishness, narcissism or even arrogance. Loving self is knowing self worth and being able to make the necessary sacrifice of saying no to a relationship that is not serving you, setting up boundaries to not being taken advantage of, to walk away when you want to stay most, to try to fix someone that does not want to be fixed or to be a Savior to someone in which you can not walk on water yourself. We so often have a fear of being alone and being unloved and out fear creates desperation. This desperation straps a fluorescent vest and glowing batons that make you a landing strip that says "land here". Over and over again we guide people into our lives that should have never landed but kept it moving. We want to justify that it's a natural progression of lessons that were "supposed" to happen. Wonder if they were not? Do we think that we choose lessons or they choose us? It's like the question of what comes first, the chicken or the egg? No we can't always predict situations that come across our paths but we DO have choices on how they will play out in our lives. Nothing or no one has permission to enter our lives with out us acknowledging it, opening the door so to speak. We are always making decisions and one of those is will we look back and say " that was a lesson or this is a lesson". Do we ever think about when we most often call something a lesson in our lives? I tend to notice it's after we have not made perhaps the best decisions or exeperience regrettable outcomes of something that did not work out the way we so desired but we were a contributing factor to it. Don't think that many times you can't find YOU in the equation with your hand caught in the cookie jar. When are you gonna get tired of saying .. " that was a lesson learned"?
This has been a personal struggle for me as I find myself a walking example of someone that is discovering she needs to love self. You can love yourself to death over loving other people beyond what you can give and should give. You keep realizing that you grow more weary realizing that if you allow it, people will take, life will take from you and if you lack self love where is your replenishing reserve? Why are you giving away what you won't give yourself first. We want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and what about giving ourselves that? We don't understand the taking, but of what value does another see in taking from you if you don't give yourself any worth? It also becomes of no value to them in which maybe not maliciously, is mishandled without care. I am starting to see that how I love myself is how another will love me. It's a sobering estimate of myself that is hard to look at. I have become a personal martyr and in some twisted way find solace in the self sacrifice. Somehow it equates for me a back door means to find love and acceptance. I say backdoor because I haven't decided that love and acceptance coming through the front door is what I deserve. It's being face to face saying what I need and want and deserve, not because I had to "earn it" from anyone but they gave it to me willingly. It's honoring the truth in oneself to not manipulate through this self martyrdom, but to trust that you are more than enough. There is true wisdom within ourselves to have the discernment to create our own personal loving reality in us and our lives. We are beholden to nothing and freed to embrace everything we desire good in our lives. Yet, this is the greatest challenge many of us face.
It takes time to sit with oneself and be honest, yet it must be done. It takes focus to look into our own person and not at the other person. We can't keep running to the next fix without fixing ourselves. We don't want to keep coming back asking ourselves "why is this still happening"? or "why am I dating the same type of people" ? We don't want to keep saying that something was a lesson learned because we made unwise choices that got us there in the first place. It's time to stop perpetuating our old patterns and manifesting self sabotaging situations. As said many times no one can love you better than you. Sacrifice to let go of the world long enough to grab a hold of YOU and the love you deserve.
With soul,
Artistic soul
I have been one of the many that have invested dollars with book shelves of other people's suggestions of how to love myself. It's not an air of sarcasm I speak as I respect there are those out there with wisdom they want to share that perhaps can give us all a breadcrumb of a clue on how to get to a place where we can be truly happy. Some people read and apply and there is an amazing change, alot of hard work and voila-- success. So then what about those of us that don't seem to come to it so easily? Hold on wait.. better yet those that seem to have gotten it easy we may wanna look at their lives again... we might just see that the grass is not always greener on the other side. They are still working. There are those never ending lessons and those that revisit us when we think that we have conquered them. Do we dare to think that the same people that write these books we so often use as our road map to navigate life like a letter of the law don't struggle in themselves? How is it then that they have come up with so much material to write for you to read? They have been there themselves and one would ask themselves how did they come to a place to find some resolution of self love? They obviously had to find it somewhere. If I could guess I would say it was within themselves. We have become a society of quick fixes and spoon fed ideologies in which rarely these days do we have to think for ourselves. The intention of many of the writers I would want to so graciously say, pour their thoughts and energy onto pages hoping that you would truly help your self, which means THINK yourself and their book is but a guideline not meant for mindless regurgitation and temporary life application. Quick fixes don't change the fact that it is a tireless endless work to work on self. A dirty grimmy deep work that many of us don't want to get our hands soiled for but yet, what is the true point here to realize? What we are looking for is within ourselves....
No one has the capability to make us love ourselves more than we can. So the question is how is it that we choose martyrdom at the demising expense of ourselves over living a life of sacrifice that is invested in loving ourselves? Now let me clarify.. loving yourself is not to be confused with selfishness, narcissism or even arrogance. Loving self is knowing self worth and being able to make the necessary sacrifice of saying no to a relationship that is not serving you, setting up boundaries to not being taken advantage of, to walk away when you want to stay most, to try to fix someone that does not want to be fixed or to be a Savior to someone in which you can not walk on water yourself. We so often have a fear of being alone and being unloved and out fear creates desperation. This desperation straps a fluorescent vest and glowing batons that make you a landing strip that says "land here". Over and over again we guide people into our lives that should have never landed but kept it moving. We want to justify that it's a natural progression of lessons that were "supposed" to happen. Wonder if they were not? Do we think that we choose lessons or they choose us? It's like the question of what comes first, the chicken or the egg? No we can't always predict situations that come across our paths but we DO have choices on how they will play out in our lives. Nothing or no one has permission to enter our lives with out us acknowledging it, opening the door so to speak. We are always making decisions and one of those is will we look back and say " that was a lesson or this is a lesson". Do we ever think about when we most often call something a lesson in our lives? I tend to notice it's after we have not made perhaps the best decisions or exeperience regrettable outcomes of something that did not work out the way we so desired but we were a contributing factor to it. Don't think that many times you can't find YOU in the equation with your hand caught in the cookie jar. When are you gonna get tired of saying .. " that was a lesson learned"?
This has been a personal struggle for me as I find myself a walking example of someone that is discovering she needs to love self. You can love yourself to death over loving other people beyond what you can give and should give. You keep realizing that you grow more weary realizing that if you allow it, people will take, life will take from you and if you lack self love where is your replenishing reserve? Why are you giving away what you won't give yourself first. We want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and what about giving ourselves that? We don't understand the taking, but of what value does another see in taking from you if you don't give yourself any worth? It also becomes of no value to them in which maybe not maliciously, is mishandled without care. I am starting to see that how I love myself is how another will love me. It's a sobering estimate of myself that is hard to look at. I have become a personal martyr and in some twisted way find solace in the self sacrifice. Somehow it equates for me a back door means to find love and acceptance. I say backdoor because I haven't decided that love and acceptance coming through the front door is what I deserve. It's being face to face saying what I need and want and deserve, not because I had to "earn it" from anyone but they gave it to me willingly. It's honoring the truth in oneself to not manipulate through this self martyrdom, but to trust that you are more than enough. There is true wisdom within ourselves to have the discernment to create our own personal loving reality in us and our lives. We are beholden to nothing and freed to embrace everything we desire good in our lives. Yet, this is the greatest challenge many of us face.
It takes time to sit with oneself and be honest, yet it must be done. It takes focus to look into our own person and not at the other person. We can't keep running to the next fix without fixing ourselves. We don't want to keep coming back asking ourselves "why is this still happening"? or "why am I dating the same type of people" ? We don't want to keep saying that something was a lesson learned because we made unwise choices that got us there in the first place. It's time to stop perpetuating our old patterns and manifesting self sabotaging situations. As said many times no one can love you better than you. Sacrifice to let go of the world long enough to grab a hold of YOU and the love you deserve.
With soul,
Artistic soul
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Our Relationship To Men: The Dominating Influence?
One day after a few conversations surfaced about a couple different topics, there seemed to be this running theme and continuous thread in them.... MEN. As much as we want to at times be independent of them and find ourselves as women, we seem to find them integrated and rooted in the fabric of our subconscious. I find certain things in our lives are molded and fashioned after them or in reaction to them. Some many not agree with my views or perspectives on this, but in the simplicity of my mind's eye, it makes sense to me or at least worth bringing to the table of discussion.
I will take a few examples that I feel my discussion can lean on to carry some weight. Female Emcees, Pro choice/sexuality and the Gay and Lesbian Lifestyle. I will take them one by one. Won't go into length about them but touch on them just enough to give some food for thought. The first are Female Emcees.
Let's speak on Niki Minaj. Perhaps she's a worn out topic of discussion these days. She's both well loved or well hated on. She is known as our "black barbie" Recently, some beef arose with her and Little Kim and there are constant rumors of the distaste other female Emcees may have in their mouths about her. Definitely, there is the debate of her abilities and content in her lyrics and I am sure we can say her image is highly critcized. Full figured, crazy comparable style now being called the Lady Gaga of Rap, Bright lipstick and eye lashes for days. She's bubble gum cute and sassy. Yet what came to my mind when these feuds came up and looking over other female Emcees and what seemed to come out of everyone's mouth was.. "it's hard to be in this game as a WOMAN" as to compared to who I had to ask? hmmm... OHHHH as compared to a MAN. Ah I get it. I started to think. So are we comparing the content of lyrical genius and talent in relation to how it compares to a man? When did men become the standard for Rap? Bigger question is why can't there be a discussion about the world of female Emcees without there being this comparison? is there no success of a female emcee if it's not acknowledged by a man? I started to even recognize that other female Emcees would be hard on another not necessarily cuz of just lyrical content but how the content seemed to emulate the perhaps roughness and rawness of a man's. If it wasn't along that lines.. it didn't seem to carry weight. I started to think about alot of our admired ladies and I had to ask.. hmm is it necessary for her to feel she has to grab her crotch, show her goods like she trying to say she a woman, but then deliver lyrics with vulgarity. One may debate and say. "well hell men do it, why can't I!" And there in itself proves my point. What do we have to do with them when it comes to our validity in any arena of life. The world I know, makes it hard, but is it safe to say while we all try to praise woman's rights, feminism and individuality men are to us as darkness is to light. You can't have one without the other. It's all relative to.
Pro choice. Someone posted a amazing spoken word piece on this topic. One of the amazing hard hitting points made in this piece was how a man seemed to be the one delivering the verdict of what a woman is to do with her body when it came to child bearing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOV7RyHjl5c (the video link) Once again the debate and battle has arisen not out of the solo mouths of women who do not believe in choice but seems to be sparked through an undercurrent of protest from men. Women have had to allow their rights to be lobbied on capitol hill in response and rebuttle to a male dominated government. You ask.. how did this debate arise? You wonder as you listen to this spoken word piece who is this REALLY protecting? Where are the men in the responsibility of this picture? Why is it that WE as women must have rights taken so that some MEN can irresponsibly deny their part in conceiving? Again.. we are always having to respond as women as a "reaction" to the role and presence of a MAN. Our sexuality is always up for scrutinty and debate. A while back I posted the double standard of Ciara's "Ride' video being banned off of BET while Trey Songz could practically have sex in his video and he be praised. While I praised Ciara for having the guts to put it down like a "MAN" would, I have to ask myself even now.. why does she even have to make a video as such to prove a point? Or make the song " Like a boy" and the list can go on of women making these response songs as comebacks to a man.
Lastly, the Lesbian and Gay Culture. Primary focus, lesbian women and some of the manifestations of their characteristics being "male" in nature. This point has been debated upon with me as I am not as knowledgable in the lifestyle. I have been more and more exposed as my
diversity of friends have included this culture and lifestyle. So for me as a heterosexual woman, I see things with an eye of simplicity when I observe Lesbian women. There is this undeniable presence of masculinity that is expressed in a good population of Lesbian women. In my mind's eye I have had to ask, if some women chose to live a life in which they only like women, why are there so many that seem to portray the characteristics both outwardly and inwardly that are male? In genetics and in ourselves we are both male and female in energy. Ying and Yang. There is a possibility that we may express more masculine traits. Very understandable. For me I simply still say.. it's fine if your preference is a woman, but why is there this need to dress, act and emulate a man? I think there is more that makes a man other than the way he dresses or his mannerisms. I personally can feel as if I can have strong masculine inclinations in areas but I don't feel I have to dress or act as a man. So there poses the thought of why is there such this catergory that seems to arise in distinction of a very masculine woman and a feminine woman? Or even roles then seem to surface. Fact of the matter we are influenced by a very gender role set society. We all seem to fall in a catergory whether we like it or not. I feel that there many lesbian women that consciously choose to express themselves by choosing to dress and act as a male. Why are we so infatuated and fascinated in making their traits an option? Again we seem to "react" to the influence around us of the male presence. Even when there is this seperation of preference that a woman wants to be with a woman, somehow a MAN plays a very strong role.
So in the end this closes my thoughts that a reoccuring word I have brought up in this blog is "react or reaction" As well as viewing the role of Men in regards to us is as light is to dark. Women find it very challening to create a dialogue of debate, viewpoint, accomplishment and list can go on without the "reaction" to the influencing part of the MAN. It can be a cry for a cause in "spite" or "despite" of a MAN. Yet where do we stand alone as WOMEN? These are just random interesting thoughts that crossed my mind one day and perhaps they have crossed yours or maybe not about our relationship to men.
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
I will take a few examples that I feel my discussion can lean on to carry some weight. Female Emcees, Pro choice/sexuality and the Gay and Lesbian Lifestyle. I will take them one by one. Won't go into length about them but touch on them just enough to give some food for thought. The first are Female Emcees.
Let's speak on Niki Minaj. Perhaps she's a worn out topic of discussion these days. She's both well loved or well hated on. She is known as our "black barbie" Recently, some beef arose with her and Little Kim and there are constant rumors of the distaste other female Emcees may have in their mouths about her. Definitely, there is the debate of her abilities and content in her lyrics and I am sure we can say her image is highly critcized. Full figured, crazy comparable style now being called the Lady Gaga of Rap, Bright lipstick and eye lashes for days. She's bubble gum cute and sassy. Yet what came to my mind when these feuds came up and looking over other female Emcees and what seemed to come out of everyone's mouth was.. "it's hard to be in this game as a WOMAN" as to compared to who I had to ask? hmmm... OHHHH as compared to a MAN. Ah I get it. I started to think. So are we comparing the content of lyrical genius and talent in relation to how it compares to a man? When did men become the standard for Rap? Bigger question is why can't there be a discussion about the world of female Emcees without there being this comparison? is there no success of a female emcee if it's not acknowledged by a man? I started to even recognize that other female Emcees would be hard on another not necessarily cuz of just lyrical content but how the content seemed to emulate the perhaps roughness and rawness of a man's. If it wasn't along that lines.. it didn't seem to carry weight. I started to think about alot of our admired ladies and I had to ask.. hmm is it necessary for her to feel she has to grab her crotch, show her goods like she trying to say she a woman, but then deliver lyrics with vulgarity. One may debate and say. "well hell men do it, why can't I!" And there in itself proves my point. What do we have to do with them when it comes to our validity in any arena of life. The world I know, makes it hard, but is it safe to say while we all try to praise woman's rights, feminism and individuality men are to us as darkness is to light. You can't have one without the other. It's all relative to.
Pro choice. Someone posted a amazing spoken word piece on this topic. One of the amazing hard hitting points made in this piece was how a man seemed to be the one delivering the verdict of what a woman is to do with her body when it came to child bearing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOV7RyHjl5c (the video link) Once again the debate and battle has arisen not out of the solo mouths of women who do not believe in choice but seems to be sparked through an undercurrent of protest from men. Women have had to allow their rights to be lobbied on capitol hill in response and rebuttle to a male dominated government. You ask.. how did this debate arise? You wonder as you listen to this spoken word piece who is this REALLY protecting? Where are the men in the responsibility of this picture? Why is it that WE as women must have rights taken so that some MEN can irresponsibly deny their part in conceiving? Again.. we are always having to respond as women as a "reaction" to the role and presence of a MAN. Our sexuality is always up for scrutinty and debate. A while back I posted the double standard of Ciara's "Ride' video being banned off of BET while Trey Songz could practically have sex in his video and he be praised. While I praised Ciara for having the guts to put it down like a "MAN" would, I have to ask myself even now.. why does she even have to make a video as such to prove a point? Or make the song " Like a boy" and the list can go on of women making these response songs as comebacks to a man.
Lastly, the Lesbian and Gay Culture. Primary focus, lesbian women and some of the manifestations of their characteristics being "male" in nature. This point has been debated upon with me as I am not as knowledgable in the lifestyle. I have been more and more exposed as my
diversity of friends have included this culture and lifestyle. So for me as a heterosexual woman, I see things with an eye of simplicity when I observe Lesbian women. There is this undeniable presence of masculinity that is expressed in a good population of Lesbian women. In my mind's eye I have had to ask, if some women chose to live a life in which they only like women, why are there so many that seem to portray the characteristics both outwardly and inwardly that are male? In genetics and in ourselves we are both male and female in energy. Ying and Yang. There is a possibility that we may express more masculine traits. Very understandable. For me I simply still say.. it's fine if your preference is a woman, but why is there this need to dress, act and emulate a man? I think there is more that makes a man other than the way he dresses or his mannerisms. I personally can feel as if I can have strong masculine inclinations in areas but I don't feel I have to dress or act as a man. So there poses the thought of why is there such this catergory that seems to arise in distinction of a very masculine woman and a feminine woman? Or even roles then seem to surface. Fact of the matter we are influenced by a very gender role set society. We all seem to fall in a catergory whether we like it or not. I feel that there many lesbian women that consciously choose to express themselves by choosing to dress and act as a male. Why are we so infatuated and fascinated in making their traits an option? Again we seem to "react" to the influence around us of the male presence. Even when there is this seperation of preference that a woman wants to be with a woman, somehow a MAN plays a very strong role.
So in the end this closes my thoughts that a reoccuring word I have brought up in this blog is "react or reaction" As well as viewing the role of Men in regards to us is as light is to dark. Women find it very challening to create a dialogue of debate, viewpoint, accomplishment and list can go on without the "reaction" to the influencing part of the MAN. It can be a cry for a cause in "spite" or "despite" of a MAN. Yet where do we stand alone as WOMEN? These are just random interesting thoughts that crossed my mind one day and perhaps they have crossed yours or maybe not about our relationship to men.
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The New year: Entering Self and Leaving Behind Self
Apologies as I often take a long leave from blogging. I would say not by choice but that would not be truth as I can or can not blog. Perhaps this will be the new lesson of the year for me. We sometimes resist the feeling of "having to do anything" especially artistic expression of some sort. We feel that should flow freely from us. Some of us "work a job" everyday even if our dream job, so we hate to make this free expression a job so to speak. For me my mind thinks so much that I work myself into a frenzy thinking that I must set aside this indulged amount of time to write.. that I need time to somehow be consumed and lost in that. We are often such a slave to time. How often do we sit to embrace time and let it move slowly for us though the clock may move consistently as it often does minute by minute. We can't get that time back, so may we not have regrets of these minutes becoming days till we step upon a new year... 2011.
I am sure everyone has found inspiration to write their thoughts, reflect on 2010, make resolutions, make promises of change and look into the next year with longing eyes of hope. This year I had quite the solemn calm entrance into the new year. I almost felt like something was wrong. While people seemed to search for deep revelations and reflections and would pose the questions of " how was 2010 for you?" I really had to pause and think. There was the question of looking back and recognizing any pivotal changes or events that occurred that may have made a significant impact in my life. Did there have to be this evidence? Is it that there are these things that should occur in our lives and in grandiose fashions in our lives to make us compare and reflect? Did I just miss it? I felt I had to dig for answers. Was I just not paying close enough attention to the occurrences in my life? Perhaps they didn't rate on a scale of importance on my radar. We all have things in our lives that if we were to write them down and pass them around to the next person and rate them in order of importance, they'd all come out different. Perhaps this how I felt.
My greatest point to make and "reflect" upon is that EVERYDAY, is a "new" occurrence. The entrance into a new year is another day marked on the calendar. Although, astrologically change is always taking place in the our universe that shift our energies and usher in new waves of transitions, "new" is upon us everyday. How many resolutions have we made that we simply have not kept, promises broken, goals not met, opened eyes of new found revelation that closed over time as we wear down with the challenges of spiritual/life wear and tear. My blog is not a downer into the new year, but I hope for myself and readers a call to reassess how we celebrate the new year. We find the statement outfits and knock back the concoctions to numb us up more and find some cheer. We laugh and smile and romp around looking for a reason to start over again clueless to a reality before oneself. Many of us rush into the new year asking or begging deep down for a forgiveness of ourselves, a do-over pass, a removing of a mask only to find another waiting beneath. Did it ever occur to us that we come to this point every year hoping we can leave the last one behind? Though some of us actually can acknowledge and celebrate the past year with appreciation and clarity.. through the good and bad. So many of us wait for this new year as if a clock re starter, but wonder if we were conscious of our days everyday that there was no need to be in the same position the next year? Did we ever think about maintenance.. self maintenance throughout our whole journey of the year? Taking the time to continuously reflect and grow. To be confident in making more clear directed decisions that would impact our lives in a forward motion. We will always have self work, but wouldn't it be nice to make that load lighter as to not burden the new year with expectations. Hmmmm.. my doesn't that even cross the topic of personal intimate relationships? Self work, lessening loads, no expectations.. So interesting how certain life lessons and principles permeate all areas important in our lives: jobs, love, family, career and self.
In case you are missing my thoughts. It would be the challenge this year to not wait till the end of the year, ushering in the next with such climatic expectations and disposed of past experiences. Change, decisions, perspectives, reflections, lessons, growth and the list can go on can be an everyday happening. The first day of the year is not magical in the reality realm. You will wake up with a "new" day, roll out of bed, brush your teeth, breakfast and whatever your daily routine you created. Money will not suddenly perhaps appear in your bank account, an amazing partner you so longed for will not just manifest next to you and you may not pop up in the lush island paradise you so dream of, but it's another day. What is magical about it is the new day of making an everyday dull choice to us a stepping stone to greatness. Greatness as defined by us and whatever that may be. It's all about perspective. What in simplicity can create grandeur in your world. What will make you feel good? make you evolve in your mind and soul? Try not to place weighted expectations on yourself that you will punish yourself later for not meeting. Baby steps of faith in the direction of our decisions and lives can become leaps and bounds. We have to celebrate in the "initiation" process. We have to be resolved in the "intention" process and then from there.. it's truly not in our control. There's nothing wrong with looking back on the past year to reflect, but let it be a productive look back. Let the journey not feel like there was such great chasms along the way, but let there be progression. For some reason a farmer popped in my head and I am a city girl by heart, but I tried to place myself in their minds. Many farmers or anyone that toils on land are some of the most grateful people. This is my opinion. They have to labor their hands in the soil and their sweat waters their crops. Yet they do it out of both necessity and love. Necessity to survive and love for life and living. Every decision they make creates an impact on their crops. Every seed they plant is hope for the future result of the crop. They have to water, care and maintain daily as even every crop is different. They have no control over the climate and conditions that will lay over their land. They have no promise of the end results. Yet they have to wake up every morning and labor, many times before we can even fathom opening our eyes. There are no breaks and though the labor tedious there is a love and bond to their land. For in the end there is nothing like the HARVEST. They truly can look back and know that they labored throughout without fail letting their mistakes mingle with successes but it all came to an end result. Sometimes there are failed harvest and others not, but I can be sure that there still can be a resolve that they toiled from their soul everyday. Everyday was a truth labor of love. It's not just the physical manifestation but the spiritual lesson in this all.
Keeping grounded is the challenge to labor in love everyday with self. Create a new you everyday since no day is truly the same. My New years was as it wanted to be and how I simply felt. I trusted that things played out as they should. There was no desire to evoke or push what was not there. My year had it's ups and downs with lessons piggybacking along the way. There were memorable times and times I look back and want to forget. You can choose to bring in this new year and first day however you feel. I have chosen to challenge myself to acknowledge my feelings during this time and embrace why I feel as I do. Let it guide me into thinking about exactly all I have stated in this blog. To make no expectations on the new year, no promises, no goals too far to reach. Yet to have hope to look forward to the next day. We often have the habit of wanting to look "ahead" we have trouble looking into the NOW which in the end makes up the future we so want to know about. Funny thing is then we are surprised by the end results of the future. That's humorous. Tomorrow is not promised why not live today. The creator and universe are so full of surprises. We can make plans and we are allowed to.. some of them come to fruition and like many of us come to see our plans sometimes get changed. Lessons come we didn't expect and growth comes in the oddities of time. Let's just be open. Don't be afraid to accept where we are in life, in our thoughts and feelings. When we create acceptance then the very things we are striving for are the things we can work through and forward with. In the end instead of the END to the start of BEGINNING.. there is simply a HARVEST. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!
with soul,
Artistic Soul
I am sure everyone has found inspiration to write their thoughts, reflect on 2010, make resolutions, make promises of change and look into the next year with longing eyes of hope. This year I had quite the solemn calm entrance into the new year. I almost felt like something was wrong. While people seemed to search for deep revelations and reflections and would pose the questions of " how was 2010 for you?" I really had to pause and think. There was the question of looking back and recognizing any pivotal changes or events that occurred that may have made a significant impact in my life. Did there have to be this evidence? Is it that there are these things that should occur in our lives and in grandiose fashions in our lives to make us compare and reflect? Did I just miss it? I felt I had to dig for answers. Was I just not paying close enough attention to the occurrences in my life? Perhaps they didn't rate on a scale of importance on my radar. We all have things in our lives that if we were to write them down and pass them around to the next person and rate them in order of importance, they'd all come out different. Perhaps this how I felt.
My greatest point to make and "reflect" upon is that EVERYDAY, is a "new" occurrence. The entrance into a new year is another day marked on the calendar. Although, astrologically change is always taking place in the our universe that shift our energies and usher in new waves of transitions, "new" is upon us everyday. How many resolutions have we made that we simply have not kept, promises broken, goals not met, opened eyes of new found revelation that closed over time as we wear down with the challenges of spiritual/life wear and tear. My blog is not a downer into the new year, but I hope for myself and readers a call to reassess how we celebrate the new year. We find the statement outfits and knock back the concoctions to numb us up more and find some cheer. We laugh and smile and romp around looking for a reason to start over again clueless to a reality before oneself. Many of us rush into the new year asking or begging deep down for a forgiveness of ourselves, a do-over pass, a removing of a mask only to find another waiting beneath. Did it ever occur to us that we come to this point every year hoping we can leave the last one behind? Though some of us actually can acknowledge and celebrate the past year with appreciation and clarity.. through the good and bad. So many of us wait for this new year as if a clock re starter, but wonder if we were conscious of our days everyday that there was no need to be in the same position the next year? Did we ever think about maintenance.. self maintenance throughout our whole journey of the year? Taking the time to continuously reflect and grow. To be confident in making more clear directed decisions that would impact our lives in a forward motion. We will always have self work, but wouldn't it be nice to make that load lighter as to not burden the new year with expectations. Hmmmm.. my doesn't that even cross the topic of personal intimate relationships? Self work, lessening loads, no expectations.. So interesting how certain life lessons and principles permeate all areas important in our lives: jobs, love, family, career and self.
In case you are missing my thoughts. It would be the challenge this year to not wait till the end of the year, ushering in the next with such climatic expectations and disposed of past experiences. Change, decisions, perspectives, reflections, lessons, growth and the list can go on can be an everyday happening. The first day of the year is not magical in the reality realm. You will wake up with a "new" day, roll out of bed, brush your teeth, breakfast and whatever your daily routine you created. Money will not suddenly perhaps appear in your bank account, an amazing partner you so longed for will not just manifest next to you and you may not pop up in the lush island paradise you so dream of, but it's another day. What is magical about it is the new day of making an everyday dull choice to us a stepping stone to greatness. Greatness as defined by us and whatever that may be. It's all about perspective. What in simplicity can create grandeur in your world. What will make you feel good? make you evolve in your mind and soul? Try not to place weighted expectations on yourself that you will punish yourself later for not meeting. Baby steps of faith in the direction of our decisions and lives can become leaps and bounds. We have to celebrate in the "initiation" process. We have to be resolved in the "intention" process and then from there.. it's truly not in our control. There's nothing wrong with looking back on the past year to reflect, but let it be a productive look back. Let the journey not feel like there was such great chasms along the way, but let there be progression. For some reason a farmer popped in my head and I am a city girl by heart, but I tried to place myself in their minds. Many farmers or anyone that toils on land are some of the most grateful people. This is my opinion. They have to labor their hands in the soil and their sweat waters their crops. Yet they do it out of both necessity and love. Necessity to survive and love for life and living. Every decision they make creates an impact on their crops. Every seed they plant is hope for the future result of the crop. They have to water, care and maintain daily as even every crop is different. They have no control over the climate and conditions that will lay over their land. They have no promise of the end results. Yet they have to wake up every morning and labor, many times before we can even fathom opening our eyes. There are no breaks and though the labor tedious there is a love and bond to their land. For in the end there is nothing like the HARVEST. They truly can look back and know that they labored throughout without fail letting their mistakes mingle with successes but it all came to an end result. Sometimes there are failed harvest and others not, but I can be sure that there still can be a resolve that they toiled from their soul everyday. Everyday was a truth labor of love. It's not just the physical manifestation but the spiritual lesson in this all.
Keeping grounded is the challenge to labor in love everyday with self. Create a new you everyday since no day is truly the same. My New years was as it wanted to be and how I simply felt. I trusted that things played out as they should. There was no desire to evoke or push what was not there. My year had it's ups and downs with lessons piggybacking along the way. There were memorable times and times I look back and want to forget. You can choose to bring in this new year and first day however you feel. I have chosen to challenge myself to acknowledge my feelings during this time and embrace why I feel as I do. Let it guide me into thinking about exactly all I have stated in this blog. To make no expectations on the new year, no promises, no goals too far to reach. Yet to have hope to look forward to the next day. We often have the habit of wanting to look "ahead" we have trouble looking into the NOW which in the end makes up the future we so want to know about. Funny thing is then we are surprised by the end results of the future. That's humorous. Tomorrow is not promised why not live today. The creator and universe are so full of surprises. We can make plans and we are allowed to.. some of them come to fruition and like many of us come to see our plans sometimes get changed. Lessons come we didn't expect and growth comes in the oddities of time. Let's just be open. Don't be afraid to accept where we are in life, in our thoughts and feelings. When we create acceptance then the very things we are striving for are the things we can work through and forward with. In the end instead of the END to the start of BEGINNING.. there is simply a HARVEST. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!
with soul,
Artistic Soul
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