The Waiting Game

Here I am!!!!!! My apologies as always for staying away for so long. I repeatedly tell myself I must get better at this. Life and the sheer white wall of thoughts that sit on you trying to think about what can be written about next. Let me share that one thing I do not like to do is write just to write. I do take great care and thought to make sure I share in my writing something to move you, stir you, interest you, provoke you, encourage and whateveresle I would want to read myself. Empty words are empty unmoved minds. So with that being said I feel that perhaps the best way to reintroduce myself back into your minds and hearts is to share some personal life with you and current transition I have embarked upon....

NEWFLASH- Sept 30, 2011 - Angela M. Calvin was without forewarning termintated from her job of 7 years. Reasons vaguely stated and truly unknown. She packed her things and walked out to the unknown. Some perhaps reassurance was that maybe a little unemployment would assist. To her surprise she was denied. What!!!!!??? how did this happen and why after so many years?! was this the thanks I get?! yes... there ensued many moments of $&#!@ expletives expressed. Needless to say the case was fought and unemployment won, but not before the weighted fear of the "unknown" and incessant nagging of bittneress and anger pushed to set in.

Have some of us at some point been here? The shock of the unknown being thrusted into our laps without our consent? The feeling that we have so mapped out our lives that when the curve on the road forces us to take a sharp turn in a different direction we curse and throw our fists in anger that we now are on the wrong course.... but are we? Do we sit in some spaces feeling wronged on the side of the road feeling we "deserve" better than we have perhaps been treated by people, employers, family etc. you fill in the blank. Deserve what? What is it that we deserve when many of us don't know what that is? How many of us are in a place in our lives that we feel we should be given more in a place that fails to see that we are worth more. If they don't see it, then what are we expecting? We don't even see it in ourselves. The best thing that one who has dismissed you is to DIMISS you. It freed you...... consider it a FAVOR.

You can apply this story in whatever aspect you like as a principle. You can apply it in Love, Career, Family, Friends and whatever sub catergories your mind can phathom. My angle I am coming from is the impending question of how to be happy with a purpose in which to use our talents. I have in this time of "purgatory" felt a shift in the universal energy. People are realizing that they want to be happy with how they earn a living and live life. Then again perhaps I am just late on the jump and missed this epiphany that many have had for quite some time. Regardless, this has been a long time coming for me to come to realization of this perspective. I must admit this is a place of fear and holding to old ways of established thinking that has to be undone. It is a place that many people have come to live; in a world that has trained us to work for "someonelse" and not for ourselves or to work to make another happy and not ourselves. When did we start believing that someonelses happiness and personal wealth was more valuable than our own? When did we leave the content of our character and worth of our talents to the interpretation of a stranger? I would be safe to say that the reflecting mirror we should be looking in would express to us that those who employ us are simply lucky to "borrow" our gifts to be contributed to their well being and success. We forget that many a companies' successes are built on the backs of those that do the "grunt" work to those that manage an army. When we realize this, how do we maximize our potential and contribution where we are in companies or to move on to self employ ourselves... this is the underlined question. How do you best serve YOU?

YOU , yes YOU.... It's unfortunate that those of us in the US market have been conditioned to build another's kingdom. Let me say that there is nothing wrong with being apart of the team, but are you getting valid playing time on the court and getting a fat paycheck in the end? I have to say I was one that for many years enslaved myself to another's kingdom. I believe that we all have to pay our dues. We all may need to toss the slop around, but at what point do we start to recognize that perhaps we have evolved to be more. Experience is experience, but Expertise is expertise. Many of us need to realize we can get to the point of EXPERTISE in whatever that may be for you. I spent so long timidly asking for what I wanted instead of demanding. Demanding not in disrespect, but in respect of self. I realized I just should have donated my time. Yet let me not discount the time spent in this space. I have to say that a person in touch with self will realize that in any condition there is personal growth. The issue is that many of us stay beyond the lesson and end up sitting in class alone while others moved on to the next period. DING THE BELL RANG!!!!!!!!!!! MOVE ON!

Moving on... how do you move on when you feel you weren't ready! well... you think you were not, but universe would say different. Even if you don't believe that there is a higher being or the "universe" to move you along, realize that another's actions you deem as unfair is a move in the right direction for you. There is a larger picture you simply don't see. Every action has a reaction of other domino affects. Let me say it is easy to say all this but much harder to believe when you are sitting in front of a pile of bills, annoying credit card calls, a near empty fridge and an on "E" tank of gas. Suddenly, the tangibility of reality sets in as opposed to the ethereal belief of the universal law working in your favor. But have no fear, though I can't give you an answer as I still sit here confused as to how this will all work out. The thought that WOW! maybe I can actually use the degeree I worked for in which, the loan companies are hounding me for payback that I keep derferring. What a concept. What I can offer is ... I am with you and you are not alone.

Not alone is what I have felt despite being in a place I have never been and dreaded being. I am a person of stability. I always envied and still do of the people that take off to a foreign country with $10 in their pockets and teach english earning their living in the back jungle tribal villages of whyyouherewithmypeopleandwillnotleave. My humor sorry, but you get what I am saying. I can honestly say that though I feel like I am in a "catch 22" of needing to find a "JOB" as opposed to finding my "CAREER" to provide for myself as soon as possible, I feel a certain sense of peace and happiness. Somtimes the greatest happiness is not in the "KNOWN" or the stability of a situation, but the instability of not being in control that gives you control. It's the control to finding you and steering your life according to where you want to go, not have to go. I think there are times we need to be still. Sit still and enjoy. We may not be able to sit there forever, but we can indulge ourselves a bit. We need to be patient with trusting that there is a resolution. Fear is not the boss of us but we have fired it for a better candidate of hope. I can't say I have mastered this but I am not slave any longer to the option of being stagnant and undervalued. I do feel that I have a new battle as fear wants to creep into my new journey.

A new journey is what I am on. A new journey is what you can be on. There is an excitement in the notion of "possibility". Is there a possiblity that you can truly be happy in using your talents for your own personal wealth? I have no idea what direction to go.. where to start, but for now I am hanging on to the notion of "possibility". All that one can do is work. Labor in love and think into fruition your true reality of what you want. It's the freedom to realize that you can get there during this time of the Waiting Game....

with soul,

Artistic Soul