One day after a few conversations surfaced about a couple different topics, there seemed to be this running theme and continuous thread in them.... MEN. As much as we want to at times be independent of them and find ourselves as women, we seem to find them integrated and rooted in the fabric of our subconscious. I find certain things in our lives are molded and fashioned after them or in reaction to them. Some many not agree with my views or perspectives on this, but in the simplicity of my mind's eye, it makes sense to me or at least worth bringing to the table of discussion.
I will take a few examples that I feel my discussion can lean on to carry some weight. Female Emcees, Pro choice/sexuality and the Gay and Lesbian Lifestyle. I will take them one by one. Won't go into length about them but touch on them just enough to give some food for thought. The first are Female Emcees.
Let's speak on Niki Minaj. Perhaps she's a worn out topic of discussion these days. She's both well loved or well hated on. She is known as our "black barbie" Recently, some beef arose with her and Little Kim and there are constant rumors of the distaste other female Emcees may have in their mouths about her. Definitely, there is the debate of her abilities and content in her lyrics and I am sure we can say her image is highly critcized. Full figured, crazy comparable style now being called the Lady Gaga of Rap, Bright lipstick and eye lashes for days. She's bubble gum cute and sassy. Yet what came to my mind when these feuds came up and looking over other female Emcees and what seemed to come out of everyone's mouth was.. "it's hard to be in this game as a WOMAN" as to compared to who I had to ask? hmmm... OHHHH as compared to a MAN. Ah I get it. I started to think. So are we comparing the content of lyrical genius and talent in relation to how it compares to a man? When did men become the standard for Rap? Bigger question is why can't there be a discussion about the world of female Emcees without there being this comparison? is there no success of a female emcee if it's not acknowledged by a man? I started to even recognize that other female Emcees would be hard on another not necessarily cuz of just lyrical content but how the content seemed to emulate the perhaps roughness and rawness of a man's. If it wasn't along that lines.. it didn't seem to carry weight. I started to think about alot of our admired ladies and I had to ask.. hmm is it necessary for her to feel she has to grab her crotch, show her goods like she trying to say she a woman, but then deliver lyrics with vulgarity. One may debate and say. "well hell men do it, why can't I!" And there in itself proves my point. What do we have to do with them when it comes to our validity in any arena of life. The world I know, makes it hard, but is it safe to say while we all try to praise woman's rights, feminism and individuality men are to us as darkness is to light. You can't have one without the other. It's all relative to.
Pro choice. Someone posted a amazing spoken word piece on this topic. One of the amazing hard hitting points made in this piece was how a man seemed to be the one delivering the verdict of what a woman is to do with her body when it came to child bearing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOV7RyHjl5c (the video link) Once again the debate and battle has arisen not out of the solo mouths of women who do not believe in choice but seems to be sparked through an undercurrent of protest from men. Women have had to allow their rights to be lobbied on capitol hill in response and rebuttle to a male dominated government. You ask.. how did this debate arise? You wonder as you listen to this spoken word piece who is this REALLY protecting? Where are the men in the responsibility of this picture? Why is it that WE as women must have rights taken so that some MEN can irresponsibly deny their part in conceiving? Again.. we are always having to respond as women as a "reaction" to the role and presence of a MAN. Our sexuality is always up for scrutinty and debate. A while back I posted the double standard of Ciara's "Ride' video being banned off of BET while Trey Songz could practically have sex in his video and he be praised. While I praised Ciara for having the guts to put it down like a "MAN" would, I have to ask myself even now.. why does she even have to make a video as such to prove a point? Or make the song " Like a boy" and the list can go on of women making these response songs as comebacks to a man.
Lastly, the Lesbian and Gay Culture. Primary focus, lesbian women and some of the manifestations of their characteristics being "male" in nature. This point has been debated upon with me as I am not as knowledgable in the lifestyle. I have been more and more exposed as my
diversity of friends have included this culture and lifestyle. So for me as a heterosexual woman, I see things with an eye of simplicity when I observe Lesbian women. There is this undeniable presence of masculinity that is expressed in a good population of Lesbian women. In my mind's eye I have had to ask, if some women chose to live a life in which they only like women, why are there so many that seem to portray the characteristics both outwardly and inwardly that are male? In genetics and in ourselves we are both male and female in energy. Ying and Yang. There is a possibility that we may express more masculine traits. Very understandable. For me I simply still say.. it's fine if your preference is a woman, but why is there this need to dress, act and emulate a man? I think there is more that makes a man other than the way he dresses or his mannerisms. I personally can feel as if I can have strong masculine inclinations in areas but I don't feel I have to dress or act as a man. So there poses the thought of why is there such this catergory that seems to arise in distinction of a very masculine woman and a feminine woman? Or even roles then seem to surface. Fact of the matter we are influenced by a very gender role set society. We all seem to fall in a catergory whether we like it or not. I feel that there many lesbian women that consciously choose to express themselves by choosing to dress and act as a male. Why are we so infatuated and fascinated in making their traits an option? Again we seem to "react" to the influence around us of the male presence. Even when there is this seperation of preference that a woman wants to be with a woman, somehow a MAN plays a very strong role.
So in the end this closes my thoughts that a reoccuring word I have brought up in this blog is "react or reaction" As well as viewing the role of Men in regards to us is as light is to dark. Women find it very challening to create a dialogue of debate, viewpoint, accomplishment and list can go on without the "reaction" to the influencing part of the MAN. It can be a cry for a cause in "spite" or "despite" of a MAN. Yet where do we stand alone as WOMEN? These are just random interesting thoughts that crossed my mind one day and perhaps they have crossed yours or maybe not about our relationship to men.
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The New year: Entering Self and Leaving Behind Self
Apologies as I often take a long leave from blogging. I would say not by choice but that would not be truth as I can or can not blog. Perhaps this will be the new lesson of the year for me. We sometimes resist the feeling of "having to do anything" especially artistic expression of some sort. We feel that should flow freely from us. Some of us "work a job" everyday even if our dream job, so we hate to make this free expression a job so to speak. For me my mind thinks so much that I work myself into a frenzy thinking that I must set aside this indulged amount of time to write.. that I need time to somehow be consumed and lost in that. We are often such a slave to time. How often do we sit to embrace time and let it move slowly for us though the clock may move consistently as it often does minute by minute. We can't get that time back, so may we not have regrets of these minutes becoming days till we step upon a new year... 2011.
I am sure everyone has found inspiration to write their thoughts, reflect on 2010, make resolutions, make promises of change and look into the next year with longing eyes of hope. This year I had quite the solemn calm entrance into the new year. I almost felt like something was wrong. While people seemed to search for deep revelations and reflections and would pose the questions of " how was 2010 for you?" I really had to pause and think. There was the question of looking back and recognizing any pivotal changes or events that occurred that may have made a significant impact in my life. Did there have to be this evidence? Is it that there are these things that should occur in our lives and in grandiose fashions in our lives to make us compare and reflect? Did I just miss it? I felt I had to dig for answers. Was I just not paying close enough attention to the occurrences in my life? Perhaps they didn't rate on a scale of importance on my radar. We all have things in our lives that if we were to write them down and pass them around to the next person and rate them in order of importance, they'd all come out different. Perhaps this how I felt.
My greatest point to make and "reflect" upon is that EVERYDAY, is a "new" occurrence. The entrance into a new year is another day marked on the calendar. Although, astrologically change is always taking place in the our universe that shift our energies and usher in new waves of transitions, "new" is upon us everyday. How many resolutions have we made that we simply have not kept, promises broken, goals not met, opened eyes of new found revelation that closed over time as we wear down with the challenges of spiritual/life wear and tear. My blog is not a downer into the new year, but I hope for myself and readers a call to reassess how we celebrate the new year. We find the statement outfits and knock back the concoctions to numb us up more and find some cheer. We laugh and smile and romp around looking for a reason to start over again clueless to a reality before oneself. Many of us rush into the new year asking or begging deep down for a forgiveness of ourselves, a do-over pass, a removing of a mask only to find another waiting beneath. Did it ever occur to us that we come to this point every year hoping we can leave the last one behind? Though some of us actually can acknowledge and celebrate the past year with appreciation and clarity.. through the good and bad. So many of us wait for this new year as if a clock re starter, but wonder if we were conscious of our days everyday that there was no need to be in the same position the next year? Did we ever think about maintenance.. self maintenance throughout our whole journey of the year? Taking the time to continuously reflect and grow. To be confident in making more clear directed decisions that would impact our lives in a forward motion. We will always have self work, but wouldn't it be nice to make that load lighter as to not burden the new year with expectations. Hmmmm.. my doesn't that even cross the topic of personal intimate relationships? Self work, lessening loads, no expectations.. So interesting how certain life lessons and principles permeate all areas important in our lives: jobs, love, family, career and self.
In case you are missing my thoughts. It would be the challenge this year to not wait till the end of the year, ushering in the next with such climatic expectations and disposed of past experiences. Change, decisions, perspectives, reflections, lessons, growth and the list can go on can be an everyday happening. The first day of the year is not magical in the reality realm. You will wake up with a "new" day, roll out of bed, brush your teeth, breakfast and whatever your daily routine you created. Money will not suddenly perhaps appear in your bank account, an amazing partner you so longed for will not just manifest next to you and you may not pop up in the lush island paradise you so dream of, but it's another day. What is magical about it is the new day of making an everyday dull choice to us a stepping stone to greatness. Greatness as defined by us and whatever that may be. It's all about perspective. What in simplicity can create grandeur in your world. What will make you feel good? make you evolve in your mind and soul? Try not to place weighted expectations on yourself that you will punish yourself later for not meeting. Baby steps of faith in the direction of our decisions and lives can become leaps and bounds. We have to celebrate in the "initiation" process. We have to be resolved in the "intention" process and then from there.. it's truly not in our control. There's nothing wrong with looking back on the past year to reflect, but let it be a productive look back. Let the journey not feel like there was such great chasms along the way, but let there be progression. For some reason a farmer popped in my head and I am a city girl by heart, but I tried to place myself in their minds. Many farmers or anyone that toils on land are some of the most grateful people. This is my opinion. They have to labor their hands in the soil and their sweat waters their crops. Yet they do it out of both necessity and love. Necessity to survive and love for life and living. Every decision they make creates an impact on their crops. Every seed they plant is hope for the future result of the crop. They have to water, care and maintain daily as even every crop is different. They have no control over the climate and conditions that will lay over their land. They have no promise of the end results. Yet they have to wake up every morning and labor, many times before we can even fathom opening our eyes. There are no breaks and though the labor tedious there is a love and bond to their land. For in the end there is nothing like the HARVEST. They truly can look back and know that they labored throughout without fail letting their mistakes mingle with successes but it all came to an end result. Sometimes there are failed harvest and others not, but I can be sure that there still can be a resolve that they toiled from their soul everyday. Everyday was a truth labor of love. It's not just the physical manifestation but the spiritual lesson in this all.
Keeping grounded is the challenge to labor in love everyday with self. Create a new you everyday since no day is truly the same. My New years was as it wanted to be and how I simply felt. I trusted that things played out as they should. There was no desire to evoke or push what was not there. My year had it's ups and downs with lessons piggybacking along the way. There were memorable times and times I look back and want to forget. You can choose to bring in this new year and first day however you feel. I have chosen to challenge myself to acknowledge my feelings during this time and embrace why I feel as I do. Let it guide me into thinking about exactly all I have stated in this blog. To make no expectations on the new year, no promises, no goals too far to reach. Yet to have hope to look forward to the next day. We often have the habit of wanting to look "ahead" we have trouble looking into the NOW which in the end makes up the future we so want to know about. Funny thing is then we are surprised by the end results of the future. That's humorous. Tomorrow is not promised why not live today. The creator and universe are so full of surprises. We can make plans and we are allowed to.. some of them come to fruition and like many of us come to see our plans sometimes get changed. Lessons come we didn't expect and growth comes in the oddities of time. Let's just be open. Don't be afraid to accept where we are in life, in our thoughts and feelings. When we create acceptance then the very things we are striving for are the things we can work through and forward with. In the end instead of the END to the start of BEGINNING.. there is simply a HARVEST. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!
with soul,
Artistic Soul
I am sure everyone has found inspiration to write their thoughts, reflect on 2010, make resolutions, make promises of change and look into the next year with longing eyes of hope. This year I had quite the solemn calm entrance into the new year. I almost felt like something was wrong. While people seemed to search for deep revelations and reflections and would pose the questions of " how was 2010 for you?" I really had to pause and think. There was the question of looking back and recognizing any pivotal changes or events that occurred that may have made a significant impact in my life. Did there have to be this evidence? Is it that there are these things that should occur in our lives and in grandiose fashions in our lives to make us compare and reflect? Did I just miss it? I felt I had to dig for answers. Was I just not paying close enough attention to the occurrences in my life? Perhaps they didn't rate on a scale of importance on my radar. We all have things in our lives that if we were to write them down and pass them around to the next person and rate them in order of importance, they'd all come out different. Perhaps this how I felt.
My greatest point to make and "reflect" upon is that EVERYDAY, is a "new" occurrence. The entrance into a new year is another day marked on the calendar. Although, astrologically change is always taking place in the our universe that shift our energies and usher in new waves of transitions, "new" is upon us everyday. How many resolutions have we made that we simply have not kept, promises broken, goals not met, opened eyes of new found revelation that closed over time as we wear down with the challenges of spiritual/life wear and tear. My blog is not a downer into the new year, but I hope for myself and readers a call to reassess how we celebrate the new year. We find the statement outfits and knock back the concoctions to numb us up more and find some cheer. We laugh and smile and romp around looking for a reason to start over again clueless to a reality before oneself. Many of us rush into the new year asking or begging deep down for a forgiveness of ourselves, a do-over pass, a removing of a mask only to find another waiting beneath. Did it ever occur to us that we come to this point every year hoping we can leave the last one behind? Though some of us actually can acknowledge and celebrate the past year with appreciation and clarity.. through the good and bad. So many of us wait for this new year as if a clock re starter, but wonder if we were conscious of our days everyday that there was no need to be in the same position the next year? Did we ever think about maintenance.. self maintenance throughout our whole journey of the year? Taking the time to continuously reflect and grow. To be confident in making more clear directed decisions that would impact our lives in a forward motion. We will always have self work, but wouldn't it be nice to make that load lighter as to not burden the new year with expectations. Hmmmm.. my doesn't that even cross the topic of personal intimate relationships? Self work, lessening loads, no expectations.. So interesting how certain life lessons and principles permeate all areas important in our lives: jobs, love, family, career and self.
In case you are missing my thoughts. It would be the challenge this year to not wait till the end of the year, ushering in the next with such climatic expectations and disposed of past experiences. Change, decisions, perspectives, reflections, lessons, growth and the list can go on can be an everyday happening. The first day of the year is not magical in the reality realm. You will wake up with a "new" day, roll out of bed, brush your teeth, breakfast and whatever your daily routine you created. Money will not suddenly perhaps appear in your bank account, an amazing partner you so longed for will not just manifest next to you and you may not pop up in the lush island paradise you so dream of, but it's another day. What is magical about it is the new day of making an everyday dull choice to us a stepping stone to greatness. Greatness as defined by us and whatever that may be. It's all about perspective. What in simplicity can create grandeur in your world. What will make you feel good? make you evolve in your mind and soul? Try not to place weighted expectations on yourself that you will punish yourself later for not meeting. Baby steps of faith in the direction of our decisions and lives can become leaps and bounds. We have to celebrate in the "initiation" process. We have to be resolved in the "intention" process and then from there.. it's truly not in our control. There's nothing wrong with looking back on the past year to reflect, but let it be a productive look back. Let the journey not feel like there was such great chasms along the way, but let there be progression. For some reason a farmer popped in my head and I am a city girl by heart, but I tried to place myself in their minds. Many farmers or anyone that toils on land are some of the most grateful people. This is my opinion. They have to labor their hands in the soil and their sweat waters their crops. Yet they do it out of both necessity and love. Necessity to survive and love for life and living. Every decision they make creates an impact on their crops. Every seed they plant is hope for the future result of the crop. They have to water, care and maintain daily as even every crop is different. They have no control over the climate and conditions that will lay over their land. They have no promise of the end results. Yet they have to wake up every morning and labor, many times before we can even fathom opening our eyes. There are no breaks and though the labor tedious there is a love and bond to their land. For in the end there is nothing like the HARVEST. They truly can look back and know that they labored throughout without fail letting their mistakes mingle with successes but it all came to an end result. Sometimes there are failed harvest and others not, but I can be sure that there still can be a resolve that they toiled from their soul everyday. Everyday was a truth labor of love. It's not just the physical manifestation but the spiritual lesson in this all.
Keeping grounded is the challenge to labor in love everyday with self. Create a new you everyday since no day is truly the same. My New years was as it wanted to be and how I simply felt. I trusted that things played out as they should. There was no desire to evoke or push what was not there. My year had it's ups and downs with lessons piggybacking along the way. There were memorable times and times I look back and want to forget. You can choose to bring in this new year and first day however you feel. I have chosen to challenge myself to acknowledge my feelings during this time and embrace why I feel as I do. Let it guide me into thinking about exactly all I have stated in this blog. To make no expectations on the new year, no promises, no goals too far to reach. Yet to have hope to look forward to the next day. We often have the habit of wanting to look "ahead" we have trouble looking into the NOW which in the end makes up the future we so want to know about. Funny thing is then we are surprised by the end results of the future. That's humorous. Tomorrow is not promised why not live today. The creator and universe are so full of surprises. We can make plans and we are allowed to.. some of them come to fruition and like many of us come to see our plans sometimes get changed. Lessons come we didn't expect and growth comes in the oddities of time. Let's just be open. Don't be afraid to accept where we are in life, in our thoughts and feelings. When we create acceptance then the very things we are striving for are the things we can work through and forward with. In the end instead of the END to the start of BEGINNING.. there is simply a HARVEST. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Is it All about a Title?
A good friend recently writes this to me: "No longer do I want to hold back my true self from those I know, love and want to love. No longer do I want to rush, doubt or "own". I believe that we are socialized to feel that when we meet someone special and amazing that we could possibly see ourselves with we automatically want to "own them". Whether it be by marrying them, giving them a promise ring or putting a title on the relationship. But what do these titles or acts truly do to us or make us feel or feel entitled to? I've never been married nor do I ever want to be but I do know that when I am truly feeling something for someone and it is reciprocated I want to call them my boo and I want it to be monogamous. I think my concern of a title on a relationship such as "girlfriend/boyfriend" rises from my need for monogamy from the person I am seeing.
So I ask is it all about the title? Do you find yourself asking these same questions or obsessing over this very issue. Does TITLE=OWNERSHIP. We have to ask can you truly own someone like a material possession and if your mind is always inclined to lean towards owning the significant other in your life, as my friend said what does this entitle you to? It's amazing how the value of words can hold so much power and yet be so mutable at the same time they can often be of no worth and yet mean everything. Nothing permeates so strongly in us than the word we try to find to somehow distinguish a person in a romantic relationship being more than just a "friend". Then there lies in itself another issue.. how fast we try to run from that word.. "friend" when that's the very thing that should really be the rooting foundation of a committed relationship. Then we wonder why there are so many issues. Somehow psychologically there is a magical switch that happens that makes one journey from friendship into the new coveted world of relationship "titles" the golden egg. It is the end all be all final end result. Both should co exist but one seems to become lesser, almost obsolete. We run after the title like we are on the corner tryin to score crack. We get addicted, obsessed, crazy, possessive, suspicious, paranoid, schizophrenic even so much our significant other is trying to figure out how they ended up front row seat to the exorcist movie. That may seem a bit extreme to say but it can often feel this way for many of us.
How exciting are the butterfly filled twinges in our stomachs when we meet someone. We feel like a kid waiting for Christmas morning,except we want this feeling everyday. So then there goes the mind..we have come to the point we realize we don't want the other person to so much as breathe without us there. Wait then we start to realize wait we don't want them to even breathe in the same direction of another either. We start to keep a running log of how much we are now investing in this situation and what the return should be and since we are doing so, isn't it fair that they be dedicated to us to be only ours? Isn't it fair we have full control of this situation? It's as if we lay down a contract on the table and say "hurry up and sign right there on the dotted line, never mind the small print. So what can that small print entail we may ask....
It can entail many things... things that you don't see about the other. Things that you don't WANT to see about the other. The invisible promise to live the happily ever after clause. The bag of luggage piled up in the corner that's yours and theirs from the previous. The list can go on and perhaps one of the most microscopic print in the contract, we really don't want someone to see is our FEAR. Fear of losing that person, fear or giving and not getting back, fear of not being the only one that's most able to make them happy, fear if they really get to know us they may not love us unconditionally the way we want. We think money is the root of all evil. I beg to differ that often times and in this case, FEAR is. The lack of ability to trust in the god given will of a person to choose to love you simply because they want to and there are no bells and whistles attached to you. Just all you... Why are we so afraid of letting go, that we want to hold on to something so tight that does not belong to us. What makes us feel so good about wanting to have rights to another, to own rights to who they are and all that they are. I would like to know in the real essence of it all..what is it that makes it all truly binding? Aren't these again but WORDS... we remember above what was said about words....
So what do you we think we gain out of owning another by title? the boo, the girlfriend, the wifie etc. In honesty, not even in the lawful contractual so called binding institution of marriage is there any guarantees that makes another YOURS. Have we not learned our lesson as to stop and think about the increasing divorce rate? while some fight to make it sacred, the value system and marriage sanctity that was so once upheld is fast deteriorating. We have become so obsessed to posses that we are insatiable in our appetites to consume more than one person in our lives.. we start with one and the urge becomes so uncontrollable to own another, that one person is simply not enough. Why do we think that loving someone or a relationship is so much different then a human's desire today to consume material wealth? We have bonded the two together. Material is in the same catergory as love.. we treat it as a commodity. We sometimes leave the price tag on a person so we can give it back if we don't want them. How have we come to thinking that people in our lives can be so disposable?
So does it profit to own your significant? In reality no.. nothing belongs to us in this life, it's but on borrow status. We should but only feel so blessed. If a piece of paper, an eye popping wedding band you spent all your life savings on or you been waiting on won't lock down the fidelity of another or make someone love you more, then why do we think we can in any way place all our hope, worth and expectations in a 'title"? Wait! Did we find another culprit word to throw in the mix? Yes EXPECTATIONS..
Another disillusioned mind trip we go on is expecting that when someone takes on this new role under this now "special" title, they will be all we want them to be for us. They will take on every pain, shortcoming, inadequacy, fantasy, hope and dream we have. We pile on a huge load onto the soldiers of our significant other. This is another major killer en route to a healthy relationship. Expectations. In the title comes expectations. So now thus far we have labeled, owned, and expected. My we sound super arrogant and bossy don't we for people that just want a loving relationship. Let's not forget to add on the green eyed bandit that makes it's debut in us. So is it really all worth this expended energy? Do we really want to take ourselves through this unnecessary transformation into something we don't want to become. Where we almost have to ask who we are when all of it goes down because we often don't know what came over us.
We need to release, let go. We need to trust in the evolution that comes in the flow between you and the your significant. Trust that there is a deeper connection that goes beyond our attachment and possession of another. Trust and open our eyes and hearts to see that the face of loving someone and them loving you in return, is not ridden with worry lines, bugged green eyes, hunched shoulders of insecurities, wrinkles of fear and lost expectations. Never should it be this way yet many of us live it everyday. Now is it special to hear " that's my or meet my..." you fill in the blank. Yes is there something you feel in which you need to know the level has changed and it's time to make it "official" that all we give is between now just you and the other. Yes all these things are real and valid. It makes complete sense. But it's when all we are doing is missing out on enjoying the person, each moment, each day, each nuance of the growth of this new friendship and connection.. this is the issue. It's no different than saying one is " in love with being in love" some of us want to own to own. It's become as my friend says .. the world's standards. All we know in functioning in the development of a relationship is how to own. We know there is A and we are trying to get to Z. So I ask what happened to the rest of the alphabets? if you forget those we can't form words, no words, then no sentences, no sentences, then no conversation. Just think of that... Silence.
It all takes time, let it come.. this blog is just as much a self reflection as it is a open forum. We all need to remember that it's not all about the end destination, it's about the journey in between. Then one day you will suddenly realize perhaps you are exactly where you truly and sincerely wanted to always be with that significant other. So next time you can't turn the obsessing frown upside down, just ask... is it all about a TITLE?
with soul,
artistic soul
So I ask is it all about the title? Do you find yourself asking these same questions or obsessing over this very issue. Does TITLE=OWNERSHIP. We have to ask can you truly own someone like a material possession and if your mind is always inclined to lean towards owning the significant other in your life, as my friend said what does this entitle you to? It's amazing how the value of words can hold so much power and yet be so mutable at the same time they can often be of no worth and yet mean everything. Nothing permeates so strongly in us than the word we try to find to somehow distinguish a person in a romantic relationship being more than just a "friend". Then there lies in itself another issue.. how fast we try to run from that word.. "friend" when that's the very thing that should really be the rooting foundation of a committed relationship. Then we wonder why there are so many issues. Somehow psychologically there is a magical switch that happens that makes one journey from friendship into the new coveted world of relationship "titles" the golden egg. It is the end all be all final end result. Both should co exist but one seems to become lesser, almost obsolete. We run after the title like we are on the corner tryin to score crack. We get addicted, obsessed, crazy, possessive, suspicious, paranoid, schizophrenic even so much our significant other is trying to figure out how they ended up front row seat to the exorcist movie. That may seem a bit extreme to say but it can often feel this way for many of us.
How exciting are the butterfly filled twinges in our stomachs when we meet someone. We feel like a kid waiting for Christmas morning,except we want this feeling everyday. So then there goes the mind..we have come to the point we realize we don't want the other person to so much as breathe without us there. Wait then we start to realize wait we don't want them to even breathe in the same direction of another either. We start to keep a running log of how much we are now investing in this situation and what the return should be and since we are doing so, isn't it fair that they be dedicated to us to be only ours? Isn't it fair we have full control of this situation? It's as if we lay down a contract on the table and say "hurry up and sign right there on the dotted line, never mind the small print. So what can that small print entail we may ask....
It can entail many things... things that you don't see about the other. Things that you don't WANT to see about the other. The invisible promise to live the happily ever after clause. The bag of luggage piled up in the corner that's yours and theirs from the previous. The list can go on and perhaps one of the most microscopic print in the contract, we really don't want someone to see is our FEAR. Fear of losing that person, fear or giving and not getting back, fear of not being the only one that's most able to make them happy, fear if they really get to know us they may not love us unconditionally the way we want. We think money is the root of all evil. I beg to differ that often times and in this case, FEAR is. The lack of ability to trust in the god given will of a person to choose to love you simply because they want to and there are no bells and whistles attached to you. Just all you... Why are we so afraid of letting go, that we want to hold on to something so tight that does not belong to us. What makes us feel so good about wanting to have rights to another, to own rights to who they are and all that they are. I would like to know in the real essence of it all..what is it that makes it all truly binding? Aren't these again but WORDS... we remember above what was said about words....
So what do you we think we gain out of owning another by title? the boo, the girlfriend, the wifie etc. In honesty, not even in the lawful contractual so called binding institution of marriage is there any guarantees that makes another YOURS. Have we not learned our lesson as to stop and think about the increasing divorce rate? while some fight to make it sacred, the value system and marriage sanctity that was so once upheld is fast deteriorating. We have become so obsessed to posses that we are insatiable in our appetites to consume more than one person in our lives.. we start with one and the urge becomes so uncontrollable to own another, that one person is simply not enough. Why do we think that loving someone or a relationship is so much different then a human's desire today to consume material wealth? We have bonded the two together. Material is in the same catergory as love.. we treat it as a commodity. We sometimes leave the price tag on a person so we can give it back if we don't want them. How have we come to thinking that people in our lives can be so disposable?
So does it profit to own your significant? In reality no.. nothing belongs to us in this life, it's but on borrow status. We should but only feel so blessed. If a piece of paper, an eye popping wedding band you spent all your life savings on or you been waiting on won't lock down the fidelity of another or make someone love you more, then why do we think we can in any way place all our hope, worth and expectations in a 'title"? Wait! Did we find another culprit word to throw in the mix? Yes EXPECTATIONS..
Another disillusioned mind trip we go on is expecting that when someone takes on this new role under this now "special" title, they will be all we want them to be for us. They will take on every pain, shortcoming, inadequacy, fantasy, hope and dream we have. We pile on a huge load onto the soldiers of our significant other. This is another major killer en route to a healthy relationship. Expectations. In the title comes expectations. So now thus far we have labeled, owned, and expected. My we sound super arrogant and bossy don't we for people that just want a loving relationship. Let's not forget to add on the green eyed bandit that makes it's debut in us. So is it really all worth this expended energy? Do we really want to take ourselves through this unnecessary transformation into something we don't want to become. Where we almost have to ask who we are when all of it goes down because we often don't know what came over us.
We need to release, let go. We need to trust in the evolution that comes in the flow between you and the your significant. Trust that there is a deeper connection that goes beyond our attachment and possession of another. Trust and open our eyes and hearts to see that the face of loving someone and them loving you in return, is not ridden with worry lines, bugged green eyes, hunched shoulders of insecurities, wrinkles of fear and lost expectations. Never should it be this way yet many of us live it everyday. Now is it special to hear " that's my or meet my..." you fill in the blank. Yes is there something you feel in which you need to know the level has changed and it's time to make it "official" that all we give is between now just you and the other. Yes all these things are real and valid. It makes complete sense. But it's when all we are doing is missing out on enjoying the person, each moment, each day, each nuance of the growth of this new friendship and connection.. this is the issue. It's no different than saying one is " in love with being in love" some of us want to own to own. It's become as my friend says .. the world's standards. All we know in functioning in the development of a relationship is how to own. We know there is A and we are trying to get to Z. So I ask what happened to the rest of the alphabets? if you forget those we can't form words, no words, then no sentences, no sentences, then no conversation. Just think of that... Silence.
It all takes time, let it come.. this blog is just as much a self reflection as it is a open forum. We all need to remember that it's not all about the end destination, it's about the journey in between. Then one day you will suddenly realize perhaps you are exactly where you truly and sincerely wanted to always be with that significant other. So next time you can't turn the obsessing frown upside down, just ask... is it all about a TITLE?
with soul,
artistic soul
Monday, October 4, 2010
To Own or Not to Own is the Question: Cultural Appropriation
APPROPRIATION: 1. the act of setting apart or taking for one's own use 2.a deliberate act of acquisition of something, often without the permission of the owner
"Permission of the owner..." A debatable context of words when you are not talking about monetary appropriation but cultural appropriation. Dance is the topic that comes to surface since this is the world in which I work in and with that I will discuss. It's a passionate and sometimes convoluted subject.
In the recent, this topic of appropriation has been a very involved discussion amongst friends who are also fellow dancers. We all represent a wide spectrum of cultural diversity and find ourselves facing a personal responsibility to explore our viewpoints in this matter. In these discussions I came across my own new found revelation about the the topic of cultural appropriation. Often times there can be this pre disposed assumption that one race outside another are the ones that mostly appropriate of other cultures. I recently saw an incident in a video of a dance group made up of mostly puerto rican and perhaps other latino/a dancers name their video a particular dance genre from Puerto Rico and grossly misrepresent the art form. I found myself saying "wow it's not only those outside a race, but people of color in their particular race are appropriating their own culture." These people are creating this misrepresentation yet there is this privilege or entitlement that is attached that seems to give them license to do so. It's not that it's given to them but it seems to be taken. But do they really know what they are taking?
There is a double edged sword that has developed it seems asking which is the worse or lesser crime in this matter when it comes to who does the appropriating. Yet, First begins the question of ownership. Does an art form such as a particular dance and it's traditions depending on geographical location belong to a certain race of people? Is there a purity in its inception? Some would debate that question of purity, saying that there is a melting pot causing a racial ambiguity in our racial lineages. Yet there are some unmistakable identities when it comes to dances and origins. For instance, African culture has permeated throughout time, crossing border lines of countries, influencing cultures in music and dance. It is one of the most appropriated cultures in many countries including the United States. Yet do many Africans today have the right to call certain genres of dance their own and state claim whether it's an entire dance form or a contribution they made? If not why not and why not feel a certain protectiveness over it without being considered racist or ostracizing. Do they have the right to feel angry that certain dance forms are being misrepresented and taken out of context. There is a miseducation and lack of integrity on the parts of those that choose to adapt these cultural dance art forms. It is running rampant and I would say people are running a muck. It has caused myself and my fellow dancers to take a deep evaluation in how we represent and express certain dance genres. It's equally become a point of frustration for those of us that do make concerted efforts to learn and represent cultural dances with respect and integrity.
Easy come, easy go people find it "easy" to bounce in and out of cultures but do little to educate themselves on the history of many cultures. Many want the benefits and the results that come from the com modification of cultural art forms. People don't want to be in the skin of some nor appreciate.. but the talents or what one has are. No one wants to walk in their shoes.. but they want what they have to offer. No one wants to see the grit and grim of how certain songs or dances were born in cultures and what sacrifices were made to make them. Many art forms such as dance have been born out of pain, struggle and life. Many fail to see or acknowledge that. Yet they find it so easy to take... take and take. Never giving back and showing an injustice. I looked at video after video of dances on the city streets in Colombia. I then started to think..this dance Mapale with clear origins in the African culture has become a poor peoples "commodification" for the sightseers and tourists. The onlookers watch and pitch money at the dark skinned young men and women that hustle and dance with fervor to earn a living in the the city tourist attractions. They have had to take their cultural dances and become the jigaboos and minstrel sideshows like african americans in the US often had to. You then have to ask and who made the profit? who saw the profit? Well I beg to differ it would be them.... It also sheds a whole new light on people here in the US that throw together a half assed performance of the same Mapale dance at a local festival when you think of the immense talent and yet struggle of the young kids over in Colombia. Hmm.. all I can do is shake my head. Do you get the picture? These things I take issue with with a deep passionate distaste in my mouth of those that "take it and fake it".
For those of us that do choose to delve into another culture not only is there a personal responsibility one must have, but an empathy and yet resilience in one's skin to take the possible criticisms and disapproval for doing so. For some of us it simply resonates with our soul to relate to other cultures. There is no shame or blame in that as the soul has no color... what it expresses is the essence of who we are when true. But personal responsibility I must repeat must take place to respect. I have had to take my own advice in all this as I have had my own personal experiences as an "African American Black" woman not a "Afro Latin" woman who performs other cultural dances outside of my own. Big difference to some. I know people wonder why I am teaching salsa, dance it etc. I know that my dreds and skin are not as highly liked on that stages or palable to the audiences in the Salsa World I travel. We get sorta dismissed so to speak. Someone is always looking for a reason for it to be ok to do what I do. I get " soo.. are you dominican? " I have learned to laugh and say " no.. I am black" They proceed like they still don't get it or missed what I just said.. They then ask " where you from? and where are your parents from" I say, " my parents are both black" They still look at me blankly.. I find I have to say " I grew up in NY some in Spanish Harlem.. a puerto rican and black neighborhood" then... only then i get " oooooooo see that's why! " or " you MUST have something in you" I have learned to laugh.. But in reality.. I am like.. why must I be anything but what I am? I mean i feel flattered in some ways.. then I think deeply sometimes and think.. what? what does all that mean.. LOL! why do I Have to give a full report and figure out how to appease someone about my race and background? Or the nasty ass looks I get when I am dancing at times like.. "who she think she is? or what she think she know or why is she doing that? " I think what always comes up for me is that I always have to remind myself of the world I live in and to be mindful of it. We may be one creature in nature in our inner selves, but the world defines us differently and right off .. it's the color of our skin. Unfortunate as it may be.. this is the reality we live in. It is always a constant battle to redefine.. and try to shift thought and perspectives of others to change their way of thinking.. Yet there will always be this sort of box people will check off and they don't care about the "other" box.
I take it seriously to try not to "take it and fake it". I don't own what I dance in it's cultural form, but I own how I dance it. That belongs to me and no one can take that away. It has been a labor of love to be appropriate and not appropriate. I hope there can continue to be a conscious shift and awareness in the decisions we make when we move through cultures. To take our thoughts and constructively let our bodies express truth in a message of transformation in how we respect one another and the skin we were born in. To acknowledge struggles that have built bridges so that we MAY have the opportunity to break bread at the table of cultural uniformity and yet respect individuality. Let us take note.. and take a sober estimate that it is all bigger than us and a greater work at hand.. OWN your own work and who you are and ask yourself: To own or Not to own.. is the question.
"Permission of the owner..." A debatable context of words when you are not talking about monetary appropriation but cultural appropriation. Dance is the topic that comes to surface since this is the world in which I work in and with that I will discuss. It's a passionate and sometimes convoluted subject.
In the recent, this topic of appropriation has been a very involved discussion amongst friends who are also fellow dancers. We all represent a wide spectrum of cultural diversity and find ourselves facing a personal responsibility to explore our viewpoints in this matter. In these discussions I came across my own new found revelation about the the topic of cultural appropriation. Often times there can be this pre disposed assumption that one race outside another are the ones that mostly appropriate of other cultures. I recently saw an incident in a video of a dance group made up of mostly puerto rican and perhaps other latino/a dancers name their video a particular dance genre from Puerto Rico and grossly misrepresent the art form. I found myself saying "wow it's not only those outside a race, but people of color in their particular race are appropriating their own culture." These people are creating this misrepresentation yet there is this privilege or entitlement that is attached that seems to give them license to do so. It's not that it's given to them but it seems to be taken. But do they really know what they are taking?
There is a double edged sword that has developed it seems asking which is the worse or lesser crime in this matter when it comes to who does the appropriating. Yet, First begins the question of ownership. Does an art form such as a particular dance and it's traditions depending on geographical location belong to a certain race of people? Is there a purity in its inception? Some would debate that question of purity, saying that there is a melting pot causing a racial ambiguity in our racial lineages. Yet there are some unmistakable identities when it comes to dances and origins. For instance, African culture has permeated throughout time, crossing border lines of countries, influencing cultures in music and dance. It is one of the most appropriated cultures in many countries including the United States. Yet do many Africans today have the right to call certain genres of dance their own and state claim whether it's an entire dance form or a contribution they made? If not why not and why not feel a certain protectiveness over it without being considered racist or ostracizing. Do they have the right to feel angry that certain dance forms are being misrepresented and taken out of context. There is a miseducation and lack of integrity on the parts of those that choose to adapt these cultural dance art forms. It is running rampant and I would say people are running a muck. It has caused myself and my fellow dancers to take a deep evaluation in how we represent and express certain dance genres. It's equally become a point of frustration for those of us that do make concerted efforts to learn and represent cultural dances with respect and integrity.
Easy come, easy go people find it "easy" to bounce in and out of cultures but do little to educate themselves on the history of many cultures. Many want the benefits and the results that come from the com modification of cultural art forms. People don't want to be in the skin of some nor appreciate.. but the talents or what one has are. No one wants to walk in their shoes.. but they want what they have to offer. No one wants to see the grit and grim of how certain songs or dances were born in cultures and what sacrifices were made to make them. Many art forms such as dance have been born out of pain, struggle and life. Many fail to see or acknowledge that. Yet they find it so easy to take... take and take. Never giving back and showing an injustice. I looked at video after video of dances on the city streets in Colombia. I then started to think..this dance Mapale with clear origins in the African culture has become a poor peoples "commodification" for the sightseers and tourists. The onlookers watch and pitch money at the dark skinned young men and women that hustle and dance with fervor to earn a living in the the city tourist attractions. They have had to take their cultural dances and become the jigaboos and minstrel sideshows like african americans in the US often had to. You then have to ask and who made the profit? who saw the profit? Well I beg to differ it would be them.... It also sheds a whole new light on people here in the US that throw together a half assed performance of the same Mapale dance at a local festival when you think of the immense talent and yet struggle of the young kids over in Colombia. Hmm.. all I can do is shake my head. Do you get the picture? These things I take issue with with a deep passionate distaste in my mouth of those that "take it and fake it".
For those of us that do choose to delve into another culture not only is there a personal responsibility one must have, but an empathy and yet resilience in one's skin to take the possible criticisms and disapproval for doing so. For some of us it simply resonates with our soul to relate to other cultures. There is no shame or blame in that as the soul has no color... what it expresses is the essence of who we are when true. But personal responsibility I must repeat must take place to respect. I have had to take my own advice in all this as I have had my own personal experiences as an "African American Black" woman not a "Afro Latin" woman who performs other cultural dances outside of my own. Big difference to some. I know people wonder why I am teaching salsa, dance it etc. I know that my dreds and skin are not as highly liked on that stages or palable to the audiences in the Salsa World I travel. We get sorta dismissed so to speak. Someone is always looking for a reason for it to be ok to do what I do. I get " soo.. are you dominican? " I have learned to laugh and say " no.. I am black" They proceed like they still don't get it or missed what I just said.. They then ask " where you from? and where are your parents from" I say, " my parents are both black" They still look at me blankly.. I find I have to say " I grew up in NY some in Spanish Harlem.. a puerto rican and black neighborhood" then... only then i get " oooooooo see that's why! " or " you MUST have something in you" I have learned to laugh.. But in reality.. I am like.. why must I be anything but what I am? I mean i feel flattered in some ways.. then I think deeply sometimes and think.. what? what does all that mean.. LOL! why do I Have to give a full report and figure out how to appease someone about my race and background? Or the nasty ass looks I get when I am dancing at times like.. "who she think she is? or what she think she know or why is she doing that? " I think what always comes up for me is that I always have to remind myself of the world I live in and to be mindful of it. We may be one creature in nature in our inner selves, but the world defines us differently and right off .. it's the color of our skin. Unfortunate as it may be.. this is the reality we live in. It is always a constant battle to redefine.. and try to shift thought and perspectives of others to change their way of thinking.. Yet there will always be this sort of box people will check off and they don't care about the "other" box.
I take it seriously to try not to "take it and fake it". I don't own what I dance in it's cultural form, but I own how I dance it. That belongs to me and no one can take that away. It has been a labor of love to be appropriate and not appropriate. I hope there can continue to be a conscious shift and awareness in the decisions we make when we move through cultures. To take our thoughts and constructively let our bodies express truth in a message of transformation in how we respect one another and the skin we were born in. To acknowledge struggles that have built bridges so that we MAY have the opportunity to break bread at the table of cultural uniformity and yet respect individuality. Let us take note.. and take a sober estimate that it is all bigger than us and a greater work at hand.. OWN your own work and who you are and ask yourself: To own or Not to own.. is the question.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Do 2 Halves Make a Whole in a Relationship?
There is no mathematical equation that is logical in matters of the heart. I have come to feel that 2 halves DO NOT make a whole.. 2 WHOLES make a WHOLE. It's amazing how in true form the creator sets in motion the flow of the universe. We ebb and flow with it and we ride it's course and sometimes we vere on our own paths. Free will allows us to do so until somehow the forked road meet again into one.... we then realize that we simply took a detour.. for some of us it's long and some it's short. Then some of us somehow never see the road meet, we find a whole other path. All decisions we make somehow pose a question to be answered as to.."did we make the right one?" only to be answered by perhaps a lesson. We stop and ask ourselves what lesson did we learn or why are we repeating the same one? They may come in all kinds of packages and we ask ourselves again..How am I calling this or that situation to myself? did I not get through this lesson? Sometimes our lesson just evolves. We figure out that we need to call to ourselves specific desires and wants in a person. But just how specific do we get? We start to realize that the least specific we are, the least results we get. We ask for little and we get little. Out of 10 items we may get 2 and some how especially as women we have the amazing ability to try to create a relationship out of these two things. We think we are being unconditional in acceptance, giving the benefit of the doubt, not being superficial and picky by wanting 9 out of 1o things. Therefore..before you know it we are dealing with a "half" of a partner or potential partner.
Hopefully, we have come to understand that we also must deal with if we are a "half" or a "whole" of a person to bring to a relationship. After so many lessons we start to get better at our own self work and understand that though another may "complement" us, the old movie line in Jerry Mcquire -" you complete me" may not be all it's cracked up to be in the cute fuzzy romance, -you-are-my-soul- mate department. We may take this line in the movie a bit too far and buy into the notion that some person out there will make up for what we are missing, compensate or fill in for what we may lack. We naively open the door to much deeper issues in ourselves. They surface like wolves in sheep's clothing... what we may think is being loving and supportive or fiercely loyal to someone is really our own fear of abandonment from perhaps our past or childhood. Our father or mother left us and so we think we did something wrong, therefore we never want to be the one in that place to hurt someone.. so we stay in a situation way too long or we self sabotage our way out so that we never have to "leave" we let the other person do it. We have felt perhaps so out of control in our past that this is our way of being in control in a dysfunctional manner. Yet we still scratch our heads in frustration as to why our relationships never work. Without knowing it we have sent ourselves into a revolving door and every time we come back to the same place. We subconsciously have called the universe to send us a person that is not our "whole" but a "half". We work hard to correct, fix and change in another person what we ourselves should be fixing, correcting and changing in ourselves. Then we wonder once again.. "why didn't it work?" well two halves don't make a whole...
Then one day perhaps again.. it clicks.. hmm an epiphany of sorts. We start to settle into being alone with ourselves, clarifying what is that we truly want, we give ourselves permission to ask for 9 out of 10 things in a person. As people start to cross our paths we start to see the once make shift puzzle pieces we made fit are no longer fitting .. they don't really fit. It's really starting to look like one chaotic mess, no picture finished just a bunch of puzzle pieces. We may even try to make them fit again.. yet something is different. At this point, We may open a floodgate sometimes receiving at times the complete opposite now. Where we once pleaded with a neon sign across our foreheads for someone to want us, love us and accept us into the cherished role of the "partner" we now find that our palates have changed. We used to give way too much to someone and allowed them to take from us. We practically gave what we had away. But, Now we notice that every suitor wants to be with you, chase you down, give you all, make you all. Isn't it great?They want to give back to you! But really? Do they? We suddenly realize that there are two faces to "taking" from someone. This the second..those that still want to take because they are "halves" looking for a way to make themselves "whole". We downplay the importance of our "gut" intuition. We NEED to listen. It has been so convoluted with past experiences full of hurts, disappointments, in failed relationships that we find it hard to be a good judge of character. Everything seems to want to take on a shade of gray, but now we hope things are becoming more black and white. Our intuition is fighting to break through. The universe is pushing it forward to speak to us so that we can get back on that path...
No. Two halves DO NOT make a WHOLE. This is a testimony of my latest experiences and continued experience. Everything I just said I am living everyday right now and every realization is manifesting itself. I believe it takes two people to come into their own as individuals. Their core of who they are to be present in every aspect. One's mental state, the way one lives their lives is physical manifestation of their inner truths. They are secure in who they are, where they are going, what they have established in and for themselves. They have been existing without you for some time and you have simply arrived as a guest at THEIR party. If you did not show up.. well the party would still go on and they'd still be the center of it as the person of honor. As this should be vice versa for ourselves. Like a nice set of those perfect accessories you may add to an outfit, that last paint stroke to a finished piece to create just the right accent, the last spice you add to a dish to give that savory taste to a food. All these things could exist without, but adding these finishing touches makes it all the more better. The cherry on top so to speak.
Really.. truthfully.. this is all that it should be.. a cherry on top. "you complete me" is an overrated line, a dangerous line in which to hang our heart strings on. That line's translation should really say " you are my cherry on top" But our own distorted rose colored glasses through our own experiences have made a whole new meaning to this.. in which we have taken off and run a muck with. Now our minds are weary, our souls are tired and our bodies are aching, wrenching for some stillness, some peace. The simplicity to enter a union with someone where in these things just listed all work and sing in harmony. Yes there are compromises, sacrifices, strengths and weaknesses that can be worked out with two people in how they help one another along in life. Yet once again.. they come as a helper.. a blessing in disguise. Sometimes they are permanent, sometimes temporary, sometimes our lover, sometimes a friend, sometimes our relative. We should never doubt that we will get the help we need, but we should never expect it has to come in a partner. We should just be grateful if we should be bestowed upon that gift. It's not a privilege nor a right as we have no rights to anyone's being as our possessions. They are simply on loan.....to help us along this journey and should they manifest as our mates then we have had the opportunity of a blessing. Yet, when you feel you are blessed and you breathe deep and look around and no one else is there but you ....and feel at ease.. well then you just may have recognized that "whole" you were looking for...and it's YOU. Then sit back and let the creator and the universe do the rest.. just surrender to whatever that may be. In the end.. at least for me.. as I calculate my final equation...... 1 whole + 1 whole= a whole. Good luck on your journey!
With soul,
Artistic Soul
Hopefully, we have come to understand that we also must deal with if we are a "half" or a "whole" of a person to bring to a relationship. After so many lessons we start to get better at our own self work and understand that though another may "complement" us, the old movie line in Jerry Mcquire -" you complete me" may not be all it's cracked up to be in the cute fuzzy romance, -you-are-my-soul- mate department. We may take this line in the movie a bit too far and buy into the notion that some person out there will make up for what we are missing, compensate or fill in for what we may lack. We naively open the door to much deeper issues in ourselves. They surface like wolves in sheep's clothing... what we may think is being loving and supportive or fiercely loyal to someone is really our own fear of abandonment from perhaps our past or childhood. Our father or mother left us and so we think we did something wrong, therefore we never want to be the one in that place to hurt someone.. so we stay in a situation way too long or we self sabotage our way out so that we never have to "leave" we let the other person do it. We have felt perhaps so out of control in our past that this is our way of being in control in a dysfunctional manner. Yet we still scratch our heads in frustration as to why our relationships never work. Without knowing it we have sent ourselves into a revolving door and every time we come back to the same place. We subconsciously have called the universe to send us a person that is not our "whole" but a "half". We work hard to correct, fix and change in another person what we ourselves should be fixing, correcting and changing in ourselves. Then we wonder once again.. "why didn't it work?" well two halves don't make a whole...
Then one day perhaps again.. it clicks.. hmm an epiphany of sorts. We start to settle into being alone with ourselves, clarifying what is that we truly want, we give ourselves permission to ask for 9 out of 10 things in a person. As people start to cross our paths we start to see the once make shift puzzle pieces we made fit are no longer fitting .. they don't really fit. It's really starting to look like one chaotic mess, no picture finished just a bunch of puzzle pieces. We may even try to make them fit again.. yet something is different. At this point, We may open a floodgate sometimes receiving at times the complete opposite now. Where we once pleaded with a neon sign across our foreheads for someone to want us, love us and accept us into the cherished role of the "partner" we now find that our palates have changed. We used to give way too much to someone and allowed them to take from us. We practically gave what we had away. But, Now we notice that every suitor wants to be with you, chase you down, give you all, make you all. Isn't it great?They want to give back to you! But really? Do they? We suddenly realize that there are two faces to "taking" from someone. This the second..those that still want to take because they are "halves" looking for a way to make themselves "whole". We downplay the importance of our "gut" intuition. We NEED to listen. It has been so convoluted with past experiences full of hurts, disappointments, in failed relationships that we find it hard to be a good judge of character. Everything seems to want to take on a shade of gray, but now we hope things are becoming more black and white. Our intuition is fighting to break through. The universe is pushing it forward to speak to us so that we can get back on that path...
No. Two halves DO NOT make a WHOLE. This is a testimony of my latest experiences and continued experience. Everything I just said I am living everyday right now and every realization is manifesting itself. I believe it takes two people to come into their own as individuals. Their core of who they are to be present in every aspect. One's mental state, the way one lives their lives is physical manifestation of their inner truths. They are secure in who they are, where they are going, what they have established in and for themselves. They have been existing without you for some time and you have simply arrived as a guest at THEIR party. If you did not show up.. well the party would still go on and they'd still be the center of it as the person of honor. As this should be vice versa for ourselves. Like a nice set of those perfect accessories you may add to an outfit, that last paint stroke to a finished piece to create just the right accent, the last spice you add to a dish to give that savory taste to a food. All these things could exist without, but adding these finishing touches makes it all the more better. The cherry on top so to speak.
Really.. truthfully.. this is all that it should be.. a cherry on top. "you complete me" is an overrated line, a dangerous line in which to hang our heart strings on. That line's translation should really say " you are my cherry on top" But our own distorted rose colored glasses through our own experiences have made a whole new meaning to this.. in which we have taken off and run a muck with. Now our minds are weary, our souls are tired and our bodies are aching, wrenching for some stillness, some peace. The simplicity to enter a union with someone where in these things just listed all work and sing in harmony. Yes there are compromises, sacrifices, strengths and weaknesses that can be worked out with two people in how they help one another along in life. Yet once again.. they come as a helper.. a blessing in disguise. Sometimes they are permanent, sometimes temporary, sometimes our lover, sometimes a friend, sometimes our relative. We should never doubt that we will get the help we need, but we should never expect it has to come in a partner. We should just be grateful if we should be bestowed upon that gift. It's not a privilege nor a right as we have no rights to anyone's being as our possessions. They are simply on loan.....to help us along this journey and should they manifest as our mates then we have had the opportunity of a blessing. Yet, when you feel you are blessed and you breathe deep and look around and no one else is there but you ....and feel at ease.. well then you just may have recognized that "whole" you were looking for...and it's YOU. Then sit back and let the creator and the universe do the rest.. just surrender to whatever that may be. In the end.. at least for me.. as I calculate my final equation...... 1 whole + 1 whole= a whole. Good luck on your journey!
With soul,
Artistic Soul
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Dance Does a Body Good and the Soul....
Dubbin... what is Dubbin? I am wondering what the young girl wide eyed yet speaking so matter-of-factly is talking about. She realizes my fellow dancer colleague and I sitting on the stage listening intently have no idea what she is talking about. So she proceeds to explain the ritual of the school dance where the boy comes up from behind the girl and starts grinding on her with his pelvis and other such non welcomed body parts to say the least. My friend and I look at each other with recollection in our memories of something sounding very familiar about this and simultaneously we blurt out with smirks, tossed back heads and roll of the eyes... "ooohhhh yeah we know all about that!"
They are young girls gathered in the assembly ages 14-17 and we have many more years on them yet there's no great chasm in relating to their horror stories of broken boundaries and mounting pressures weighing on their sexuality. Surprisingly, these girls were one up on the game when they were asked questions by their facilitator on what they felt was the difference between the dancing of myself and my colleague K (i'll call her).. and that of the Gold Digger video by Kayne West we just showed them. K and I sat there perhaps waiting for the moment we'd have to scurry thoughts around in our heads for the rescuing counter answer to their lost mislead insights into the video. Nope no such need.. we took a nice deep breath and there was no need to ride in on our white horses and shining armor of truth for the rescue. These girls had it on lock. They quickly spouted out insightful answers with such conviction revealing the video's true transparency. There it was in plain daylight the exploiting of women's sexuality and the provocative, barely if any dancing at all display for men.
K and I had no idea the incredible experience we were embarking upon. Here we were representatives from the Roots Dance Theatre in Massachusetts at the Girl's Leadership Institute Summer Camp ready to explore the unmarked territory of these young girls lives. They already spent some time engaging in breaking down some of the social and emotional walls they had when they arrived at camp and so what was our purpose? Hmmm well I would say there is nothing better than the task of sharing the very thing you love, to educate and inspire... DANCE. One show with Roots Dance Theatre a few months previous led to this moment. We had put our hearts on the stage as RDT in San Diego and were discovered by Rachel Simmons,an educator coach and founder of GLI (Girl's Leadership Institute) who took to our expression and message of our dance. There we were with the opportunity to contribute to these girls impressionable journeys through their summer camp.
It was an eye opening time being able to share our personal talents with these young women in dance workshops. After wonderful input and direction from Rachel we were able to engage with them in a way that would be thought provoking. We asked them questions that would allow them to connect to themselves through dance. It was so refreshing to hear them jump at the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. The performance we prepared for them made a hit impression on them and even better was the following Q and A dialogue. K and I sharing our lives beyond dance was such an honor as they listened to us as a captive audience. These days it's a challenging thing to do in finding that connection with young teen women. We realized the power of dance had created a way for them to question and explore their sexuality and belief systems, their life choices and personal empowerment. Who would of thought this? But there we were in deep discussion and that was it.. they were sold.. hook line and sinker. The thrill and rush of adrenaline, the unpredictability in the unknown of the possible outcomes and reaffirmation of all the hard work we were there to share all came to one amazing end.
Last day, last workshop and the last thoughts of our new young friends on a piece of paper sharing their thoughts on our work there was all worth it as we sat on the plane ride home reading over 30 piece of loos leaf papers. Lives were impacted and changed and our dream purpose to take RDT to new heights of reformation in the dance world and communities were all sealed with a stamp of approval that weekend. Roots Dance Theatre was making it's introduction into the world exceeding all expectations and defining themselves as ground breakers ready to share their gifts of dance, education, and roots with all those around them. K and I were simply glad that we could be those vessels to show that Dance DOES do a BODY good and the SOUL.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
They are young girls gathered in the assembly ages 14-17 and we have many more years on them yet there's no great chasm in relating to their horror stories of broken boundaries and mounting pressures weighing on their sexuality. Surprisingly, these girls were one up on the game when they were asked questions by their facilitator on what they felt was the difference between the dancing of myself and my colleague K (i'll call her).. and that of the Gold Digger video by Kayne West we just showed them. K and I sat there perhaps waiting for the moment we'd have to scurry thoughts around in our heads for the rescuing counter answer to their lost mislead insights into the video. Nope no such need.. we took a nice deep breath and there was no need to ride in on our white horses and shining armor of truth for the rescue. These girls had it on lock. They quickly spouted out insightful answers with such conviction revealing the video's true transparency. There it was in plain daylight the exploiting of women's sexuality and the provocative, barely if any dancing at all display for men.
K and I had no idea the incredible experience we were embarking upon. Here we were representatives from the Roots Dance Theatre in Massachusetts at the Girl's Leadership Institute Summer Camp ready to explore the unmarked territory of these young girls lives. They already spent some time engaging in breaking down some of the social and emotional walls they had when they arrived at camp and so what was our purpose? Hmmm well I would say there is nothing better than the task of sharing the very thing you love, to educate and inspire... DANCE. One show with Roots Dance Theatre a few months previous led to this moment. We had put our hearts on the stage as RDT in San Diego and were discovered by Rachel Simmons,an educator coach and founder of GLI (Girl's Leadership Institute) who took to our expression and message of our dance. There we were with the opportunity to contribute to these girls impressionable journeys through their summer camp.
It was an eye opening time being able to share our personal talents with these young women in dance workshops. After wonderful input and direction from Rachel we were able to engage with them in a way that would be thought provoking. We asked them questions that would allow them to connect to themselves through dance. It was so refreshing to hear them jump at the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. The performance we prepared for them made a hit impression on them and even better was the following Q and A dialogue. K and I sharing our lives beyond dance was such an honor as they listened to us as a captive audience. These days it's a challenging thing to do in finding that connection with young teen women. We realized the power of dance had created a way for them to question and explore their sexuality and belief systems, their life choices and personal empowerment. Who would of thought this? But there we were in deep discussion and that was it.. they were sold.. hook line and sinker. The thrill and rush of adrenaline, the unpredictability in the unknown of the possible outcomes and reaffirmation of all the hard work we were there to share all came to one amazing end.
Last day, last workshop and the last thoughts of our new young friends on a piece of paper sharing their thoughts on our work there was all worth it as we sat on the plane ride home reading over 30 piece of loos leaf papers. Lives were impacted and changed and our dream purpose to take RDT to new heights of reformation in the dance world and communities were all sealed with a stamp of approval that weekend. Roots Dance Theatre was making it's introduction into the world exceeding all expectations and defining themselves as ground breakers ready to share their gifts of dance, education, and roots with all those around them. K and I were simply glad that we could be those vessels to show that Dance DOES do a BODY good and the SOUL.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Family Reunion: Reconnecting
I know.. I know I been away longer than I should have. I feel like I have been on a permanent vacation beyond the one I had. I feel like I'm on auto pilot and yet I am going nowhere and my life is mini ball of a chaotic whirlwind. It's that infamous moment when you set foot in your home after the less than desired drawn out flight, in which the crook in your neck is a reminder of the immense exhaustion that has stumbled you across the threshold of your door. You take a deep breath and a sigh of relief you are home...You walk away from your suitcase.....
Yep it's still there.. right where I left it. The next few days it's what I live out of. It doesn't end there. The trail of strewn clothes, lingering dishes, piled up laundry overdue and the echo back of the empty fridge. Busy Busy Busy I steal moments in between to live in my home... home sweet home oh how I wish I could LIVE in you. It's ok, it's temporary insanity in which my mind needs to medicate itself in brief realization that rejuvenation did happen. It's all captured in a small facebook album.....The FAMILY REUNION.
This is really the true topic of the hour. One day I opened a FB message and there it was... some random person. This random person became less random when they posed the question about my real father... I was in a state of confusion and some shock. The inquiries began and low and behold as only facebook can do a miracle happens.. this random person is revealed in conversation to be my cousin on my fathers side. Wow.. my cousin??? There aren't words to describe the many passing thoughts and questions marks that swooped in and out of my head in a cloud of curiosity as to what happened to that other half of me for so long. I knew my father passed... but there was no way the rest disappeared. Yet life moves along and it never seems to be the opportune time and space to make this trek down a intense winding road of a lost memory lane. But in the true character of the universe one can only realize that it has its own agenda. What ifs and regrets of time lost, guilt of maybe not trying hard enough. The fear of the unknown and the outcomes all come rushing at you...
My father became absentee not because he left but we left. The abuse was the end to my last name as I knew it as he was an end in my life....so I thought. My only reflection was my younger sister and we held the last name that would eventually be a clue to lead our past to our present. All lead up that very moment when that one email linking to my last name would open a whole new world that I never knew existed. The Calvin world.. the family that I never knew I had in co existence all this time on the same plane in a different space living life as I for over 28 years. In these years forgiveness has allowed me never to forget, but to let go of that which would hinder me from growing.. growing.. something we must embrace with open arms. Something I had to embrace.
Hot ATL day and hearty laughter, good food, picture taking, questions and conversation accented with nervous yet anxious anticipations. Old pictures pieced time together like an old quilt in which I took a stroll down that lost memory lane of my young father and his brothers and other family members that now made periods on the end of my questions..it was a warming and exciting feeling. Such ease came in the flow of our interactions that all overshadowed the hurt and loss. It was a reminder that rejuvenation came in the gift of a new generation of Calvins. We didn't answer for nor take responsibility for the actions of our parents but this was now our time to start anew. Perfectly again in the plan of the universe and the power that be saw fit that we all be ready to come to this one center point in life to meet.
No matter what cards life has dealt you, you always have the choice to play them how you want. Always be open to the outcome you never know what is waiting for you. Forgiveness is powerful, openness is conducive to the ebb and flow of healthy closure and new beginnings. Then you will be ready to release so that you can RECONNECT.
I have and have never been happier.....
with soul,
Artistic Soul
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