The Uprise: Like Minded Souls In A Creative Coup

I know my title seems a bit interesting and you may wonder what I am going to write about. Well, let me share with you exactly where I am going with this. As, I am on my own personal search for my voice and creative expression in this time, I am noticing a certain movement that is happening. This is at least my personal opinion, though  I have found others that agree. I am not a political person really nor do I profess to have extensive knowledge about our system in the U.S., but I do feel conscious and connected to the changes that have been taking place. One doesn't have to always know the details to see the overall big picture of something. Sometimes we get too much in the details of things. There are bigger things beyond us at work and for many of us that are connected in a conscious or spiritual way, we feel the shifts that are creating a major impact all around us and in our personal lives. These shifts are happening in many different areas, but I particularly am taking notice in one area that affects me and others around me. 

The economy, taking a dive and causing unemployment at alarming rates has interestingly enough created a silver lining that has found its way into a expanding rainbow. Those that have been forced out of work and those disgruntled with the redundant bore of making the all mighty dollar at the Company A are awakening. They are stirring.. thus the beginning of the uprise. People are realizing that even though they feel enslaved by the system, they are finding new freedom in being their own money maker. Independence has taken on a new form. People are being forced to be creative and inventive. Entrepreneurship is not a novice concept, but what is, is the fact that people are unifying. Thus the beginning of the coup. Sometimes we think that being our own bosses means a very selfish means to obtain as much as we can for ourselves. We think that it means to each their own. On the contrary, there is a powerful and exciting movement happening. Like minded souls are finding one another. There is almost this barter system and exchange of talents. There is a realization that there are power in numbers and that each person in our circle has something different to contribute. I roam around in the creative world of dancers, artists, musicians and the like. I tend to notice it most here. Not to leave out anyone or other professions, but I think that this has been the most beautiful and inspiring shift. Unfortunately, as amazing as it is to see the contribution of the arts to our world, sometimes those in these professions are some of the most understated and unpaid for what they give and can offer.  

We know the saying well of the "starving artist". There is most definitely truth to it. Yet, again there is something rising from deep within and a light has gone off. Eyes are open to the fact that opportunity is but a person away. We are helping one another to network, creating collaborations in business endeavors and co creating dreams. We have heard of home flipping, but those around us are dream flipping. They are taking those 8-5 jobs run by Jo Schmo and using them as a rung on the steps to their personal dream and aspirations. They have realized that they are no longer filling the pockets and dreams of the fat cats, but cashing out, walking out and closing the door behind them. Risks taking is no longer a fear, but people are taking leaps off ledges of restlessness and discontentment into the clear waters of personal dreams realized. 

I am watching my friends and even strangers that I cross paths with take leaps. I am in awe watching them and inspired. I am biting at the bit to be apart of this coup. I have stood on the sidelines long enough while the war rages around me and enough is enough. I want to be apart of the battle. The battle for personal freedom. The rights to our dreams and happiness. I chose the creative world, but you can apply this to whatever you want. If you feel this resonates with you, then welcome. It is an exciting time. By all means it has not been easy. I have felt wounded more than I would like, but still healing comes and I am back in the fight again. It takes time and patience sometimes to see things come to fruition, but what it doe not take is complacency and idleness. I am realizing we must take every means to labor. The enemy never sleeps and nor should we. Our enemy can be whatever we fathom it to be in our lives. Is it YOU, fear, laziness, people, negativity and the list can go on. I am reminded everyday that I am missing my victories. Let us all not miss our victories and be on the sidelines. Join the Up Rise....

With Soul, 

Artistic Soul

Connections

I have been silent I know for quite a bit of time. I wanna feel this sense of guilt and neglect in being inconsistent in writing my voice and thoughts. Yet how do you feel guilty over something that is an inspired moment in time to say something..... should it be forced? Yet life steals moments in which one always says " I just don't have this extra time for this or this is not a priority right now. Lazy hands make thoughts idle and left wanting... I been wanting and yet now I trust the universe's moment for me to speak. I been also knowing that as we have heard before.. life just does not just happen by itself, we have to show up. Universe moves.. we listen and then we must put our hands to labor and bring into fruition. Manifesting must be made into materialization in which we touch in reality. So that being said I have been trying to put myself in practice of listening when I feel something speaking in me and instead of saying.. "oh that would be a good topic, I will do it later.." I say no... I will sit down and do it right now. Listen and act. This is one of those moments.

Connections... where do we start. This can go so many places, yet I think this is about soul connections with people in our lives. I have really been thinking about this lately. I feel like right now and as it has been, there is a universal shift of constant transitions. My last blog was about transitions. It continues. As we shift  and energy shifts so do people in our lives. For myself I have felt not only is there a life shift in many areas, I feel like I am being prepared. Not only for where it is going, but for the people that will cross my path. The unknown anticipation. Yet, something I am learning is that it is not just about the future of those to come, but about the past as well. The universe has an interesting way of weaving people in and out of your life at the most opportune times for some reason in which you have no idea why. Yet, you welcome it with open arms because for whatever reason it resonates with you. The universe simply asks us to be present.

 I have been learning that there is patience and openness in understanding we are constantly shedding skin and becoming new people. Though some things seem to stay the same whether viewed good or bad, our experiences and spaces in our lives are always in evolution. Our perspectives, thoughts, experiences, desires, wants, knowledge, self awareness and the list can go on, allow us to see only what we CAN see at THAT POINT in time. We sometimes look back and think or wish something could have been different. But is that necessarily true? I believe we have to trust that we were in that time who we were supposed to be and we could only work within those parameters of what we perceived to be our truth.  Now the new lesson that has come to me is.. am I really present when I am with someone in my life  no matter what capacity that is? partner, friend, sibling, parent. Do we often find ourselves questioning our interactions with people and feeling with certain people like there is a lack of closure perhaps from the past. Why is this? What is missing for us that we all of the the sudden seem to see it now? 

The feelings are often regret.. but there is no need to feel regret. In some instances this is where it is supposed to be. Still it can be a catalyst to think about how present we are with people. Are we really SEEING them and embracing them or are we so busy trying to get to the next destination of labels of them in our lives. Are we seeing roles in our lives that we neatly package up and mark "lesson" "experience" "memory" "encounter". We fix them up so that they neatly make sense in our lives at the time, but maybe they are not supposed to. When you truly SEE someone, they don't "fit", they connect. Some connect briefly, some connect for a long time, some for life, some disconnect and reconnect.. but they are always connected. They don't connect the way you want, they connect the way the universe wants. If it was up to us we'd make a mess of things. People evolve us..it is the sure mirror of growth. We are pushed out of our boundaries and forced to trust the unknown territory of emotions and change as no two people are alike. Every connection is valid and purposeful even those that hurt or are uncomfortable for us. We must be present. Being present allows us to see what things give to us a life source of knowledge and soul wisdom. This comes in all forms and  in ways we least expect. Don't be quick to dismiss them. I am not one to act as if this is something I have come to master in my life. The hurtful ones I always think are dismissive... but they are just as valuable. I must work around the thorns that do serve their purpose, so that I can eventually get to the rose. Then I am blessed with beauty...

All are valuable.. and some truly move you deeply. Listen to those ones. They are special. There is a message waiting with them that even they don't know they have for you. It's remarkable. I recognize them. My soul recognizes them. I do not understand it and yet I know just enough to know that it resonates with me. They come to me with an uncanny ease. It just "clicks". We think this sometimes is not possible, but it does exist. Some are present in our everyday lives, some come and go or are infrequent, but they are unmistakable. Never do I ever try to remove them from where they are to be in my life. They are in it the way they are for a reason. Our greatest ruin is the arrogance of control. Let the grip go. Let it flow. If we are in tune and present, our souls know what to do with them. 

I feel grateful to have had a connect today with a connection that has been in and out of my life, yet always there in their own way. This person inspired these thoughts I share with you. I was triggered by a comment that this person said "I feel like we missed each other sometimes or at least I missed seeing you, For you. Wish i'd had better perspective on that in the moment"  I really sat with that when that was said to me, hit me and got me to really thinking deeply. That was a great reflective moment for me and I don't regret one moment of our connection and how it has unfolded. It was timely as it was supposed to be. Regardless if really SEEING that person in your life could or could not have changed anything in that course of time, still, do we SEE them. Are we embracing them fully in that moment or moments and being present. It's nothing to be discouraged about or again be regrettable about; perhaps we simply weren't ready at that time to see it.  But like universal divine timing, when we open ourselves up to be present and be a receptacle, then we will receive. We have to simply trust that we have been hooked up at the right time with the right connections....

 With soul,

Artistic Soul

Transitions

-"WE ARE IN POWERFUL TIMES of transition and transformation. This week, in particular, supplies the planetary alignments that can help us release old limitations and more fully integrate higher vibrational aspects of Self into this human vessel. "
-"Relationships of all descriptions have been tested and transformed, some remaining intact in new form, others being released through psychic or physical partings. Financial situations, another Venus theme, have fluctuated widely for many as we've learned new ways to open to receive, both from ourselves and from the world, as a reflection of our self-value."

Younghans, Pam. Northpoint Astrology Journal, 2011, http://www.northpointastrology.com/1533.html

This word TRANSITION has become a blaring red flashing sign in my peripheral vision. I acknowledge that many of my friends are feeling this shift. It's something that can't be ignored as it makes me ponder this constant resurfacing of this word. I found some confirmation of this when I recently attended a close friend's solo art show and it was entitled "Transitions". Ok how convenient is that? I started to think there must be something to this. Ironically enough, as evident as it was written in bolded print, I failed to see it in my life. A recent conversation with a friend, who listed all the changes in my life that made me stop and think and yet I was still a bit clueless. To make it get even better, I know I have found myself expressing the word transition clothed in a different name called " changes" quite a few times, but still found myself with a disconnect. It was like my mind was aware I was going through changes both in mental and physical manifestations, but my true awareness and connection was lagging behind. How often do we find ourselves so disconnected that we just get used to hearing the same things roll of our tongues but there is no real realization, meaning or intention in the words. How often do we have conversations perhaps with friends in which the question may go something like this " How are things going? " , the response, " I am doing good, you know alot of changes... " you may say this quite a few more times. But do we really get it?

In that conversation with a friend who was listing all "my changes", I found myself unsure how to respond. She had wrapped it all up so pretty with a bow. She was more connected, insightful and enthusiastic in these " transitions" of my life than I was. I sat there thinking " wow have I just missed out on something monumental? We often roam through our everyday looking for some grandiose affirmation of our value as people and look for the warm fuzzy feelings of accomplishments. We sometimes think that our greatest victories and rewards of happiness come from our preconceived ideas of how they should appear. We fail to see that sometimes they are the most simplest of transitions that have the greatest value or impact and are part of the greater whole in our ever changing journey. The sum of all parts do equal a whole. These changes have taken a backseat.  We tend to like change to be as harmless as possible. We like no dirty messes and the least amount of casualties involved, that including ourselves and others. Many of us don't know how to accept, acknowledge and embrace change. We are people that like the predictable often times so that we can prepare ourselves with layers of protective armor. For myself I had to realize that "transition" can wear many hats and come in many different forms and none are less of value in contribution to our lives than the other. Sometimes it is pleasant, sometimes it is invasive and abrupt. Sometimes it is subtle and non intrusive and other times it is daunting and yet unassumingly revealing.

The northpoint astrology journal was another confirming revelation that "transitions" are happening and they are leading to "transformations". This is why it is important to pay close attention. We don't want to miss this universal occurrence. These times can become inspiring mile markers of our lives to help us feel encouraged of our constant movement and evolution, even when we don't see it or understand it.  We can get so bogged down in our daily lives with what we have not accomplished, where we have not arrived, how we have not changed, that we miss the one grain of sand that multiply to make up the beach. I say this with a startling revelation that I am missing the joy of the journey as compared to the destination. I mentally have seen the shifts and changes, but I consciously have not connected with my heart. My own personal experience has awaken me to stop and think. I don't think I have completely arrived in fully getting it, but I am putting it together like a puzzle. I am unsure how it all has eluded me. Major happenings have occurred in my life. I went from unemployment to a new job, displacement from one home to finding one in perfect timing, finding new direction creatively and opening my world to new options of relationships and people. To name a few.. who knows what other things are occurring that I have missed. I think that we have to question how other people can see the significant changes and growth in our lives before we do?

We have to be careful of becoming desensitized to our own progression. This is a dangerous game that is like an addiction that only leaves us with a bad trip, making us feign for more. The result? nothing.. just an addiction. We look for all the wrong things that can create a quick high to fill us up. Our high is natural. It is always there in ourselves. It is perspective. Do we see transition in our lives or do we "SEE" transitions in our lives. We must throw off the blinders and limitations and open our eyes. They are waiting to take us to another level. It is our precursor to the continuous desire of the universe to give us great things. These times are coaching us and giving us nice pats on the back of our self esteem, preparing us to be open to receive. When things become sudden, we suddenly realize that we have been moving through transitions small and large all along and it is time for us to get on this ride and buckle in.

With soul,

Artistic Soul



       

The Waiting Game

Here I am!!!!!! My apologies as always for staying away for so long. I repeatedly tell myself I must get better at this. Life and the sheer white wall of thoughts that sit on you trying to think about what can be written about next. Let me share that one thing I do not like to do is write just to write. I do take great care and thought to make sure I share in my writing something to move you, stir you, interest you, provoke you, encourage and whateveresle I would want to read myself. Empty words are empty unmoved minds. So with that being said I feel that perhaps the best way to reintroduce myself back into your minds and hearts is to share some personal life with you and current transition I have embarked upon....

NEWFLASH- Sept 30, 2011 - Angela M. Calvin was without forewarning termintated from her job of 7 years. Reasons vaguely stated and truly unknown. She packed her things and walked out to the unknown. Some perhaps reassurance was that maybe a little unemployment would assist. To her surprise she was denied. What!!!!!??? how did this happen and why after so many years?! was this the thanks I get?! yes... there ensued many moments of $&#!@ expletives expressed. Needless to say the case was fought and unemployment won, but not before the weighted fear of the "unknown" and incessant nagging of bittneress and anger pushed to set in.

Have some of us at some point been here? The shock of the unknown being thrusted into our laps without our consent? The feeling that we have so mapped out our lives that when the curve on the road forces us to take a sharp turn in a different direction we curse and throw our fists in anger that we now are on the wrong course.... but are we? Do we sit in some spaces feeling wronged on the side of the road feeling we "deserve" better than we have perhaps been treated by people, employers, family etc. you fill in the blank. Deserve what? What is it that we deserve when many of us don't know what that is? How many of us are in a place in our lives that we feel we should be given more in a place that fails to see that we are worth more. If they don't see it, then what are we expecting? We don't even see it in ourselves. The best thing that one who has dismissed you is to DIMISS you. It freed you...... consider it a FAVOR.

You can apply this story in whatever aspect you like as a principle. You can apply it in Love, Career, Family, Friends and whatever sub catergories your mind can phathom. My angle I am coming from is the impending question of how to be happy with a purpose in which to use our talents. I have in this time of "purgatory" felt a shift in the universal energy. People are realizing that they want to be happy with how they earn a living and live life. Then again perhaps I am just late on the jump and missed this epiphany that many have had for quite some time. Regardless, this has been a long time coming for me to come to realization of this perspective. I must admit this is a place of fear and holding to old ways of established thinking that has to be undone. It is a place that many people have come to live; in a world that has trained us to work for "someonelse" and not for ourselves or to work to make another happy and not ourselves. When did we start believing that someonelses happiness and personal wealth was more valuable than our own? When did we leave the content of our character and worth of our talents to the interpretation of a stranger? I would be safe to say that the reflecting mirror we should be looking in would express to us that those who employ us are simply lucky to "borrow" our gifts to be contributed to their well being and success. We forget that many a companies' successes are built on the backs of those that do the "grunt" work to those that manage an army. When we realize this, how do we maximize our potential and contribution where we are in companies or to move on to self employ ourselves... this is the underlined question. How do you best serve YOU?

YOU , yes YOU.... It's unfortunate that those of us in the US market have been conditioned to build another's kingdom. Let me say that there is nothing wrong with being apart of the team, but are you getting valid playing time on the court and getting a fat paycheck in the end? I have to say I was one that for many years enslaved myself to another's kingdom. I believe that we all have to pay our dues. We all may need to toss the slop around, but at what point do we start to recognize that perhaps we have evolved to be more. Experience is experience, but Expertise is expertise. Many of us need to realize we can get to the point of EXPERTISE in whatever that may be for you. I spent so long timidly asking for what I wanted instead of demanding. Demanding not in disrespect, but in respect of self. I realized I just should have donated my time. Yet let me not discount the time spent in this space. I have to say that a person in touch with self will realize that in any condition there is personal growth. The issue is that many of us stay beyond the lesson and end up sitting in class alone while others moved on to the next period. DING THE BELL RANG!!!!!!!!!!! MOVE ON!

Moving on... how do you move on when you feel you weren't ready! well... you think you were not, but universe would say different. Even if you don't believe that there is a higher being or the "universe" to move you along, realize that another's actions you deem as unfair is a move in the right direction for you. There is a larger picture you simply don't see. Every action has a reaction of other domino affects. Let me say it is easy to say all this but much harder to believe when you are sitting in front of a pile of bills, annoying credit card calls, a near empty fridge and an on "E" tank of gas. Suddenly, the tangibility of reality sets in as opposed to the ethereal belief of the universal law working in your favor. But have no fear, though I can't give you an answer as I still sit here confused as to how this will all work out. The thought that WOW! maybe I can actually use the degeree I worked for in which, the loan companies are hounding me for payback that I keep derferring. What a concept. What I can offer is ... I am with you and you are not alone.

Not alone is what I have felt despite being in a place I have never been and dreaded being. I am a person of stability. I always envied and still do of the people that take off to a foreign country with $10 in their pockets and teach english earning their living in the back jungle tribal villages of whyyouherewithmypeopleandwillnotleave. My humor sorry, but you get what I am saying. I can honestly say that though I feel like I am in a "catch 22" of needing to find a "JOB" as opposed to finding my "CAREER" to provide for myself as soon as possible, I feel a certain sense of peace and happiness. Somtimes the greatest happiness is not in the "KNOWN" or the stability of a situation, but the instability of not being in control that gives you control. It's the control to finding you and steering your life according to where you want to go, not have to go. I think there are times we need to be still. Sit still and enjoy. We may not be able to sit there forever, but we can indulge ourselves a bit. We need to be patient with trusting that there is a resolution. Fear is not the boss of us but we have fired it for a better candidate of hope. I can't say I have mastered this but I am not slave any longer to the option of being stagnant and undervalued. I do feel that I have a new battle as fear wants to creep into my new journey.

A new journey is what I am on. A new journey is what you can be on. There is an excitement in the notion of "possibility". Is there a possiblity that you can truly be happy in using your talents for your own personal wealth? I have no idea what direction to go.. where to start, but for now I am hanging on to the notion of "possibility". All that one can do is work. Labor in love and think into fruition your true reality of what you want. It's the freedom to realize that you can get there during this time of the Waiting Game....

with soul,

Artistic Soul

Creating Our Own Boundaries

We often shun constant repeated lessons in our lives fearing that we never seem to come to a point of clarity. Each time we seem to find something different with perhaps the same underlined theme. I am one of those that have had the same repeated lessons in partner relationships and as frustrating as it may be, there is some satisfactory joy in the epiphany of some revelation to create change. The latest revelation was I have found that I allow the other person create personal boundaries for me.

Many times we enter relationships thinking that we are clear on the boundaries we will set with a person. As feelings become more involved, "compromising" for the sake of the relationship is indeed compromising but not in the healthy intention of creating unity but the demise of one's personal boundaries of emotions, values and beliefs. During the evolution of the relationship taking place, there comes a point where there may be a rise of the dominant personality. There is the one partner that seems to become the crux in which the direction the relationship may take. The passive partner believes they are holding true to their values, beliefs, wants and desires. Unbeknown to one's self you then realize that you have been swindled by your own self. The other person proceeds to navigate through the relationship without any accountability for their behaviors, their words, their actions and feelings . They remain true to what they feel as themselves as you begin to bend, twist, cut, contort yourself to fit, not the JOINT relationship.. but THEIR relationship. This.. This is exactly what it has become. THEIRS, not "OUR".

These type of relationships can become detrimental to some of us and tricky. We are convinced that we are being cooperative or avoiding uncertain "drama" . In reality we can become so desperate to create a "relationship" that we are willing to accept the terms of another without consulting our true selves as to what is it that we truly want. There may even be times we clearly see that something is not beneficial for us and may even create and uncomfortable feeling for us. Everything in us is screaming at us to listen to our intuition, but we ignore it with an ignorant bliss. We then open our eyes and realize that we have perhaps waded too deep in the waters of disillusionment. So how do we resolve this matter?

We must hold true to our boundaries. There is no magical answer. It's simply a decision. We often compromise out of fear. Fear that the other person will not accept our boundaries, which is in fact a personal respect and value for self. The value of knowing that your boundaries are just as important as the other person's. We fear the person may abandon us and so we deem them of greater importance than ourselves in the contribution and foundation of the relationship. There has to come a time when we stop asking ourselves: "how did I get in this? " or blaming the other person for the state of our unhappiness. Fact of the matter is no one can make you be anywhere or do anything that we don't give permission to. We can't base our decisions hanging on the words and actions of another. I am not saying compromising and reevaluating perhaps some more strict boundaries are wrong, as two people should be assessing what is in the best interest of a relationship that is comfortable for the BOTH. The issue is when the best interest is in the interest of one person.

This is MY personal belief, that when you meet the right person to be your companion they will not ask, imply, manipulate, telepathically or by any other means expect you to compromise your boundaries. YOU will not feel the need to expect that of yourself as well. There will be in existence a harmony and reassurance that the relationship is built within the endless boundaries of happy possibilities.

With Soul,

Artistic Soul

Our Control or Beyond it

"Everything happens for a reason"..." There is a plan".."you make your own destiny"..."you are in control" Some phrases that we may hear or thoughts we think and I have stopped to wonder do we realize or ever feel that they seem contrary to one another. I find that it can feel a bit confusing to know how to work with the idea of both being in control and out of control all at the same time. Life presents us with situations in which they can be deemed as good or bad in which even those terms are up for interpretation. Sometimes when we are searching for answers in perhaps our darkest times we feel at a loss. Not knowing if it is us that has created a situation or outcome or we are at the mercy of fate... the universe.. a divine being you believe in or whatever the case may be, but what is the "truth"? what is the "reality"?

There is the reality that we do make our own decisions in life and we choose paths and options that we hold responsibility for. It becomes quite the conundrum or quandary when things don't go as we may think they would or want and we ask ourselves what happened? Did we call this to ourselves as we designed or was there a greater hand at work than us? Even in saying did we call this to ourselves when things are not as we wanted may not make much sense to us, but sometimes we don't realize that beyond our conscious scope, what we REALLY wanted is what came to us. There lies the debate of was that our doing or a greater force at work. Does this start to paint a even more confusing picture for you yet? I don't have an answer to that really. As always my blogs are to create thought and stimulate the ability to ask yourself these questions in which to delve deeper into self. There is always something to ponder in our lives in which moves us to personal growth. This is just one more thing. A very important thing to think about. It has a profound impact on how we navigate through our lives. It tests the core of our most primal natures, intuition, trust and faith in ourselves and the force that moves us that we live with and among everyday. My sneaky suspicion is that both are in work with one another.

If this is true then what can be done to make these concepts as one in our own minds and lives. Often what the challenge is in our lives is that we are divided in thought. We also are creatures in our nature that need and want to be in control. We as individuals find it hard to think that our decisions and eventual outcomes are part of some great energy or determined plan already set for us. So then what do we say about this concept of : are we in control or or not in control? We then have to think about are we players in the game or not? Are we the character or controlling the joystick. There is this this rethinking of all the authors and gurus that encourage us to have visualization of what we want from the Universe. Churches preach faith, "ask and it shall be given to you". What do we do with that? These are all action motivated stimulators implying we have the control to make something happen in our lives. We can become convinced that things are within our control. Then, one day that job you applied for doesn't pan out or that relationship you so thought would work, ends and you hear so often this recycled phrase " if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.." I find that a paradoxical phrase in itself. Everything and anything can come under interpretation, even dependent on who the hearer is. That phrase is a loaded gun, in which one can believe that the meaning implies at some point there is a predestination that determines the outcome of a situation. You just don't know if YOUR "meant to be" is what you want or not and when it's coming. When I say depends on who the hearer is, I mean that say healthy positive perspective of a person may think " well this could mean this may or may not happen and I am good with that." Another person struggling with the outcome of a situation or waiting on one, may have a false hope. They start to think : oh there is a possibility". They live in that "possbility" as a their "present" and not the reality of " now",the present. Still confused?

There is no set answer as to each is their own thoughts on this.. I am just expressing my own questions and thoughts. I pose the question of is there a possibility that our paths are set but we do have the free will to make decisions and the ones we make are but slight detours along the way to a final destination? What destination is another question in which need not to be delved into at this time. I find there is a certain anxiety in this discussion. You wonder.. "Am I making the best decisions for my life and am I on the "right" track" . We'd like to almost take solace perhaps in the fact that some things are just gonna "work out" for the best by another force's will and design and that in the end we won't have to really think or worry about it at all. In reality that is where I believe we should and would want to all be... The feeling of utter trust that our lives are somehow working themselves out. We all tend to incessantly live in our heads. As my friend says "play the game" we love the drama and entertain it. We stay in constant confusion and even when we feel we have found an answer to making these two worlds of control and lack thereof co exist, we still wonder " is this right? " or we are never satisfied with the answer! Perhaps we will never truly know. There is bliss in surrendering. In trusting our deep soulful intuition that has been given to us and letting life take it's course. There is bliss in taking full responsibility for the decisions we have made and embracing them.. the hardship and the joys. Yet we all know that we have to show up for life. We have to contribute. Our bodies don't move without our willing them to do so. We take breathes because we decide to allow them to be inhaled and exhaled. We know that a roof over our heads and food on our table don't come by sheer intention alone. There is a joint partnership that happens on this trek of life. I would suffice to say that life itself on this earth...each day comes along whether we want to show up or not. Time comes and goes whether we participate or not to use it's constant ticking in our lives. This is some evidence that things do have its course. We just need to know where we fit in. Let us all find some symbiance in these concepts being in control or not in control. I think that when we do, we will find that our minds will be a much quieter space in which we could manifest outwardly a place of Peace and Joyful surrender in our lives.

with soul,

Artistic Soul

Self Love vs Self Martyrdom

They say you are what you eat. I also know you are what you think. You are what you see and choose to see. If you don't choose to define who you are then everything around you will define you whether you would like to think so or not. Self love.. a topic that every book guru speaks on under the alternate title of self help books, but how many of us are truly helping ourselves? It's a question I have had to ask myself recently.

I have been one of the many that have invested dollars with book shelves of other people's suggestions of how to love myself. It's not an air of sarcasm I speak as I respect there are those out there with wisdom they want to share that perhaps can give us all a breadcrumb of a clue on how to get to a place where we can be truly happy. Some people read and apply and there is an amazing change, alot of hard work and voila-- success. So then what about those of us that don't seem to come to it so easily? Hold on wait.. better yet those that seem to have gotten it easy we may wanna look at their lives again... we might just see that the grass is not always greener on the other side. They are still working. There are those never ending lessons and those that revisit us when we think that we have conquered them. Do we dare to think that the same people that write these books we so often use as our road map to navigate life like a letter of the law don't struggle in themselves? How is it then that they have come up with so much material to write for you to read? They have been there themselves and one would ask themselves how did they come to a place to find some resolution of self love? They obviously had to find it somewhere. If I could guess I would say it was within themselves. We have become a society of quick fixes and spoon fed ideologies in which rarely these days do we have to think for ourselves. The intention of many of the writers I would want to so graciously say, pour their thoughts and energy onto pages hoping that you would truly help your self, which means THINK yourself and their book is but a guideline not meant for mindless regurgitation and temporary life application. Quick fixes don't change the fact that it is a tireless endless work to work on self. A dirty grimmy deep work that many of us don't want to get our hands soiled for but yet, what is the true point here to realize? What we are looking for is within ourselves....

No one has the capability to make us love ourselves more than we can. So the question is how is it that we choose martyrdom at the demising expense of ourselves over living a life of sacrifice that is invested in loving ourselves? Now let me clarify.. loving yourself is not to be confused with selfishness, narcissism or even arrogance. Loving self is knowing self worth and being able to make the necessary sacrifice of saying no to a relationship that is not serving you, setting up boundaries to not being taken advantage of, to walk away when you want to stay most, to try to fix someone that does not want to be fixed or to be a Savior to someone in which you can not walk on water yourself. We so often have a fear of being alone and being unloved and out fear creates desperation. This desperation straps a fluorescent vest and glowing batons that make you a landing strip that says "land here". Over and over again we guide people into our lives that should have never landed but kept it moving. We want to justify that it's a natural progression of lessons that were "supposed" to happen. Wonder if they were not? Do we think that we choose lessons or they choose us? It's like the question of what comes first, the chicken or the egg? No we can't always predict situations that come across our paths but we DO have choices on how they will play out in our lives. Nothing or no one has permission to enter our lives with out us acknowledging it, opening the door so to speak. We are always making decisions and one of those is will we look back and say " that was a lesson or this is a lesson". Do we ever think about when we most often call something a lesson in our lives? I tend to notice it's after we have not made perhaps the best decisions or exeperience regrettable outcomes of something that did not work out the way we so desired but we were a contributing factor to it. Don't think that many times you can't find YOU in the equation with your hand caught in the cookie jar. When are you gonna get tired of saying .. " that was a lesson learned"?

This has been a personal struggle for me as I find myself a walking example of someone that is discovering she needs to love self. You can love yourself to death over loving other people beyond what you can give and should give. You keep realizing that you grow more weary realizing that if you allow it, people will take, life will take from you and if you lack self love where is your replenishing reserve? Why are you giving away what you won't give yourself first. We want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and what about giving ourselves that? We don't understand the taking, but of what value does another see in taking from you if you don't give yourself any worth? It also becomes of no value to them in which maybe not maliciously, is mishandled without care. I am starting to see that how I love myself is how another will love me. It's a sobering estimate of myself that is hard to look at. I have become a personal martyr and in some twisted way find solace in the self sacrifice. Somehow it equates for me a back door means to find love and acceptance. I say backdoor because I haven't decided that love and acceptance coming through the front door is what I deserve. It's being face to face saying what I need and want and deserve, not because I had to "earn it" from anyone but they gave it to me willingly. It's honoring the truth in oneself to not manipulate through this self martyrdom, but to trust that you are more than enough. There is true wisdom within ourselves to have the discernment to create our own personal loving reality in us and our lives. We are beholden to nothing and freed to embrace everything we desire good in our lives. Yet, this is the greatest challenge many of us face.

It takes time to sit with oneself and be honest, yet it must be done. It takes focus to look into our own person and not at the other person. We can't keep running to the next fix without fixing ourselves. We don't want to keep coming back asking ourselves "why is this still happening"? or "why am I dating the same type of people" ? We don't want to keep saying that something was a lesson learned because we made unwise choices that got us there in the first place. It's time to stop perpetuating our old patterns and manifesting self sabotaging situations. As said many times no one can love you better than you. Sacrifice to let go of the world long enough to grab a hold of YOU and the love you deserve.


With soul,

Artistic soul