Color and Friendship Boundaries

Race relations. It has been a  blinking fluorescent neon sign flashing that is hard to miss. It is sitting at the forefront of our minds stimulating our thoughts and pushing every conscious and non-conscious button in our bodies. It is not only pushing boundaries in our belief systems and humanity but it is revealing the characters of our fellow neighbors. Our fellow neighbors as friends and those that we added as fb "friends" because they had a mutual friend in common.  I think that many of us are facing inner turmoils as we toss over the commentaries and dialogues that are taking some of us.. no many of us by surprise.. or leaving us caught off guard. I find it interesting to come across posts of fb excommunications of people from people's friends list. Things just got real. They have been real. No they just keep getting more real.

It spurred  me to write and  express my own sentiments about these turmoils concerning friends and their perspectives on such matters as race relations. I feel I have personally felt my own challenges with this. I think I am in expectation of random people's opinions, but I have struggled with my own friends.  I have had to have the discussion with myself, a check in of sorts about the real situation of my friendships. I never expect my friends to think like me. I love them because I value being challenged to grow and being surrounded by strong opinionated cultured intellectual friendships. Yet, there are some topics in which I find myself feeling divided. I find myself feeling like there is an illusion. There is a certain illusion in which some friendships lie in the safety of a "friendship"; it is an allowance to cross boundaries in this illusion. Race relations is one that has stirred some deep feelings of contemplation for me. 

While I possess many friends of different races, I fear that the "safety" and even familiarity of these relations has misled or has created a narrow perspective into my experience and life as a black woman. I fear that with the progression of times changing towards racial harmony or acceptance and striving to be as " one"; many forget that there still is an individual struggle. It is an individual struggle that cannot be swept under the rug in generalizations or minimized with idealistic thinking. I feel that people are shrugging their shoulders in impatience with those of us that seem to appear to them  not evolved into more worldly beings of "oneness" and spiritual ascension above this world. But we live in this world. This world exists as it is. It is not an illusion. It is real with real life stories in which we must walk real life pages and narrate through. I feel the distance of strangers, but the abandonment of friends. Abandonment through the lack of empathetic understanding in the experiences of those not like them. 

I asked myself some probing questions. Have some of the people I call friends crossed boundaries consciously and unconsciously into thinking that because I am a friend of color, they can dismiss my experiences? They say in not so many ways " get over it". Do they think that I will not separate my friendship line from them to guard that which is fundamentally sacred to me as if they were a stranger? I do think that some think that some of us will not go there. But do trust me, some of us will. At the end of the day, let's keep it real. We may stand side by side as friends, but the world will judge and treat us differently in given circumstances. All friendship lines dissolve and every person is to fend for self. I think there is to be a respect and acknowledgment that though we know one another, we don't really "know" one another. We can never walk in one another's shoes. This should never be forgotten. 

For those that are dreamers, there is always room to dream, but one should never forget the present struggle that exists  in which some of us are not allowed to forget.  For the battle is not in the clouds, it is on the ground. On the ground, rooted in everyday experiences. Some of the best things you can do as a friend is to think before you speak, consider another's  story before your own story  and respect  those real "friendship" boundaries. 

Where am I?

I have felt like I need a GPS to find out where I am in my life. Have you felt like that? Do you hope that perhaps you can google your name and maybe it will give you some information on who you are and what you in the world you are doing? Yes. That's sometimes how I feel. Really I feel like I need a divine burning bush  or parting cloud to have an audible voice give me the 411.  I sit here moving forward, yet at this impasse. I often wonder how that can happen at the same time. It is as if someone knows what' up, but they are NOT letting me in on the master plan.

There is this feeling of an energetic wall. I seem to feel I have been running into it so many times. I am on this never ending loop coming back to the same space and questions, so much so that making decisions is all that more difficult. There starts to be this lack of clarity and one questions if every decision is the "right" or "wrong" one till you don't even make a decision at all. There lies an issue in this. Indecision gives birth to a ever growing problem of fear. The fear to trust intuition, fear to take risks, fear to make mistakes, fear to face disappointment, fear of not being accepted, fear of being passionate, fear of dreaming. Just FEAR. The list can go on really. I start to find more and more reasons to feel at a standstill and lost. I look at my age, my circumstances, my finances, how I compare my life to others and even other's expectations of me. I don't know how to please myself and others at the same time. I can only focus on one thing at a time! ME. I have to focus on ME. So how do I start moving? How do I get my GPS to work? How do I start navigating my way through my life  and  find my destination? Yet, really the destination changes all the time. We make them as we go it seems. We have tangible goals and mile markers. Some think about the big picture of purpose. Whatever it is for you, I am searching for my own changing never ending destinations.

I am resolute to stop watching my life as a silent movie in slow motion. Maybe this is not how others perceive my life, but I feel my life needs to have some audio and it needs to be turned up. Loudly. Everyday I find that I must find some breakthrough to get me out of the muck and mire. My feet must become unstuck. They must. I think at times I must take a step back and acknowledge the movement of the universe to continue its plans regardless if we are on board or not. The world moves and it always offers us a ride. The universal energy is waiting for us move with it. Rock with it. Dance with it. Be open to it. I sometimes see that when I put my hand and mind to labor no matter where and how, it somehow produces fruit. I may think it irrelevant and disconnected to where I think it all should be heading, but it's never disconnected. Even as I say that I may know this in my head, but it's hard to really trust this thought process. I do think that I have lacked making the best decisions in my life and here I stand. I think we get a bit too caught up in the saying
"It's OK. Don't worry. Trust you are exactly where you are supposed to be". Yes you are. In the wrong place!  I don't always think that saying is what we WANT it to mean. I don't think we are always where are supposed to be. Sometimes those"super spiritual" sayings or affirmations are a cop out and excuse to validate our complacency or mediocrity. Come on. Let's keep it real. That being said, I do not believe in punishing ourselves in self defeating thoughts or dwelling on our life decisions in both action and inaction, but I do believe we have to take a sober estimate of things and take responsibility. This is the MOST challenging of all.

So each day I am trying to take responsibility. It's frustrating, challenging, discouraging, unclear and exhausting. I say that in my honest truth. Yet, I somehow have this inner voice that says that I may not be always walking on the path, but I am not far from it. I think we take detours, but we can always find our way back on the road. If we want to. Things in our lives may have taken longer to get there. We may still be trying to get there, but each step of the way we have to realize that ALL of it is valuable. ALL of it. There will be those days where you will say "ohhhhhhhhhh i get it!" Some things are apparent in our lives now and others are not. Some things have been continuously being watered and bared fruit only now. Some things spring  up right away. Some things have yet to take root or be revealed.  It is those "ah ha" and "ohh" moments  I am humbled when I complain and am impatient. It is in those "ah ha" and "ohh" moments that I feel both foolish I did not trust and grateful my faithlessness was disproved. I want these moments to become a string of moments weaved together to form an answer,  so that when I ask where am I? I can say here I am.

Tick Tock Goes the Clock- Aging and What?

Here I am back with true form. Months later and here I am to throw a topic out there. I am very random, yet I must feel the need to write. Ok, so let me stop always giving explanations for why I have such sporadic blog entries. But I do want to put more attention into this space. I love the freedom that writing gives me to share and express what is pressing on my mind and heart. So today... what shall I bare my soul to? Age. Yes. It's about that time that I reveal that... NO. I am not 25.. or early 30s I am.... wait for it..... 40. Yes. 40. Let me just say it is quite something to tackle. This concept that somehow the 20s flew by, the 30s is an after thought and here I  am. Say what!? When did this happen?

I have never been an "ageist" at least I have never considered myself one. I didn't quite think too much about my age until my last few years of 30. I also started thinking in numerical groupings and phases. Teens, early 20-30s and then 40s.. well you don't categorize like the glass is half full you think half empty and start rounding up! 40s. 50s. 60s. OMG! That's at least how my mind works. I start thinking if  I am dressing age appropriately. I start thinking can I go out and do this or that etc  and the list can go on. Wait was I told it's time for my first mammogram? Hold on pounds are being rude and making a home all the sudden?  Horror. I am sure there are many more scenarios! I never wanted to think in regrets or what could have or should have. But I do. I am here to be honest. I think that we could use that. Let's keep it real. I think to myself " I am nowhere I thought I should be by now". "I could have done xyz had I thought about it differently back then in my 20s... 30s".  How do I deal with this? I am talking about this because I think that it should be talked about. Recently, a close friend posted in fb her feelings about approaching 40. I read through a few responses and I felt this surge of annoyance. I mean in all fairness I do believe that people had sincere responses. They felt they processed through that time with positiveness and revelation. Other people I feel wanted to feel they needed to reassure and encourage. But for me I felt like "Girl let's not shoot rainbows up your .... " I simply replied, "Let's have tea" That was my way of saying let's have some time to keep it real because I feel you!

My close friend and I met for tea. We shared this place of feeling irrelevant and unimportant. We felt like here we were well educated, multi talented and in debt to prove it and yet, unemployed and lost as to what direction to take. The feeling of a dream deferred and wasted talents. We both felt like we were overflowing with possibilities and potentials, yet looking for our exact purpose. Yet, the window of time seemed to be closing in. We also realized that true to form, most people are locked in to a societal pressure and expectation to perform, produce and arrive at a certain bench mark in life. I jokingly discussed how I should have been in a career for years, decided on my own that I wanted to recreate myself in another interest and take it on as a "career change" because I realized that I wasn't working my life's passion. Also, I have a house and retirement savings and the ability to have an expendable income to come and go as I please bound to to no 9-5. I perhaps have 2.5 kids, a significant partner and a pet. Ok well, times have changed. Perhaps you are single and happy to be a free spirit to travel the world and have a lover or two or none if you like. Whatever the scenario, trust there is a picture that someone has painted for you. Heck, there is a picture you have painted for yourself. My friend and I looked at each other and also realized we are against our will giving permission to be reminded that other people around us are living lives we wish we had on social media. That cursed double edged sword. Social Media. Yes, I know.. you have encouraging words.. "Don't compare you life to anothers, you don't know their lives" Ummm.. ok. Tell me when you haven't done it.

I think that we sometimes just want the opportunity to be the people that others are wishing they fashioned their lives after. I think some of us work hard to want to be that and portray it. It's a dirty rat race. So to really close this out. It's not an easy transition through age. There are milestones. There are changes and experiences and each person experiences them differently. I am here to call out those that have transitioned seamlessly through this time and those that feel they are struggling. Mainly  to those struggling with growing older. Yes,  some of us know mentally that it's all in the mind. I by no means feel my spirit is old, but I know that time has an affect and we have choices in what we will do with that time and how we choose to shape our perspectives.

There is no magical answer, but what I will say is stay true and real to what you are feeling is this space and in  this process and maybe it is not 40. Perhaps you are feeling a weight at another age stage of your life. Just keep it real. Accept how you are feeling. Embrace it and beware it doesn't own you. How you are feeling is real and apart of your journey. It is NOT easy to find the color of happiness in it all, but there are still blessings that are in your life. Wisdom, growth, victories, defeats, revelations and opportunities. There are always opportunities to decide how you accept the cards dealt to you. You can always play a good hand. I can't profess that I have arrived and have figured out how to stop the barrage of  self doubts and defeating thoughts, the regrets and do-over thoughts. I will say one thing is true. At some point you have to trust that this is where you are not only supposed to be, which is what you expected me to say. You are where you are because you allowed it to be so. I think we are guided, but it is our choices to keep pressing forward to meet the design that is set before us. Many of us have taken the "alternate" routes, yet we must struggle forward to get back on to the road. Not the right road. Just the road. There is still a journey to be had. Until our last breathes, let's decide what that destination will be. At the end will be a clock and its hands will tell no certain time. It will be as you see fit. Tick Tock goes the clock. So What time is it for you?

What's Eating You?

So how you feeling about your relationship? Is it healthy? Is it giving you what you need? Does it take up too much of your time? Is there not enough happening in it? Does it make you feel good about yourself and really compliment your life? Do you see a positive present and future in it? Oh??! you thought I was talking about your love life? Oh no.. I wasn't talking about that whatsoever. Good luck on that.. ahem. Let's move on. I was talking about your relationship with food. It's a long hard stressful relationship of ups and downs I have been having with food for some time. It's a relationship I can't seem to breakup with of course, but it's needing some work. Never has it been abusive to me, but we've been going out for so long that it's time to reshape and renew a healthiness back into it. Put a new life into it. I feel like it's worth that effort to work on this relationship because it's played such an important role in my life. So let's chat about this. I want to share with you some about my relationship, how I feel and what I think perhaps we could gain from this chat we are going to be having. Hopefully, we'll walk away with a new perspective without paying out anyone for some shrink time on a sticky leather couch, uncomfortably adjusting your clothing to cover your embarrassing "love affair".

Call it genetics, call it society or call it what you want, but we in America are obsessed with our appearances. Social media and the like has made it incredibly difficult to know what to do with our body images. The topic becomes more impacted when you add the 100 pound baggage we carry around with our personal lives and the many issues we are aware of and not aware of that weigh us down. Self esteem hides behind body image and body image becomes a mask in which all things dark about ourselves hide. Then try living in cities where you are inundated with body messages telling you how to have a relationship with your body and food. Or everyone now has advice upon advice on social media about how you can lose weight.  Can you believe it? Someone has the nerve to dictate how you run your relationship? The worse thing about that? you listen. You listen to almost everyone. You think you don't but let's keep it real. You listen. IF you didn't then why are you thinking about it right now and why are you eating a small salad when you want a burger or drinking diet coke instead of coke?  That's what I thought. Some people don't care. Not always a good thing, but I also give kudos for the personal mental freedom to not be bound to opinion.  But where are the plethora of articles giving advice about how to re frame your mind about eating in relation to personal body image? It's all quick fixes and trust me I like a quick fix like the next person, but it doesn't always work for everyone.  I mean there really is  a direct everyday correlation that happens and a process that happens in your decision making on how you will eat and what you will eat. We see food being paraded in front of us everyday on a billboard, a restaurant, commercials on TV that are directed at our senses. The main ones are sight and smell. But sight is the most powerful because it moves us to think. Thinking... yes. It all is very much psychological. What you think about is what you become, so why is it any different in food?

So let's talk about my struggle. Well everything I am talking about is my struggle! I have always struggled with thinking about my weight and appearance. Thinking about what I "should" look like. Funny thing is the "should" question or thought should sound familiar. We think about this when asking, "what should I be doing with my life," who should I have as a partner", "where should I be in my life right now." and so the list can go. All things are interconnected. Food is no different. the perspective and attitude we take with food, is the same for any part of our lives and they deeply affect one another. I have been the incessant googler and bothersome friend asking another what to do about shaping up and eating healthy. So let's keep it real right now. I am tired. I am sick of food. If I could get rid of it I would. I am exhausted thinking everyday about what to eat and it be "healthy". Especially when there is not as much easy access to it as the McDonalds, Jack in the Box and Albertos, Gilbertos, Juanbertos,  you just passed within the last 4 blocks. Not that I want to eat all that .  But you get my point. What is the problem? Well there are many. Let me first start by saying, something I am learning is that the first approach to gaining a healthy relationship back and shaping up is not because you want to look good, but feel good as in being healthy. Like a relationship, losing weight is a band aid. You fight and make up, but only apologize on the surface, you still blame the person, but never work on the core reasons why you are disagreeing in the first place! so it comes back and maybe the same issue or in the form of another. So  just aesthetically taking care of your body isn't enough. What happened to the psychological affects and reasons behind WHY you are trying lose weight? where has that gone? They are there.

So back to my issues, sorry I was sharing with you wasn't I? I won't keep talking I promise. But  my main struggle has been trying to be healthy while of course looking better. I mean come on I am a real person. Why would I not want both? Again first should be feeling better by being healthier and the in return we'll look better. It's a win win situation.  The healthy part is by far the hardest part of all. What is the definition of healthy according to who?  It is hard when you are sorting through opinions and trying to figure out what is best for you. Let's get this straight. One size does NOT fit all when it comes to healthy eating and weight loss.  One has to take into account personal health, genetics, culture, economics and geography to name a few. There within lies the issue for me and I think for a lot of people. All those factors. Yet, again we are being beat over the head with advice. It's like informational mayhem, making us schizo! I am up and I am down. I am happy then depressed waiting for an outcome. I am becoming exhausted with something that is the very necessity of life and really should be a beautiful thing.

Let me start to bring this to a close, I don't want to lose you and I don't think there needs to be a part two to this conversation. As there so much more that can be talked about I haven't discussed with you, but I won't so just hold on. I don't want to end on a tirade about my relationship. I think it's important to look at the beautiful things I am learning about my relationship. I am the ONLY person in MY relationship and no one can tell me how to lead it. Therefore I must figure out how I can grow old with it and look at my relationship with loving eyes and fewer worry lines or gray hairs! I mean I have been cheating. Hmm shame on me. But have I really? Yea some things I can do without, but really have I? Food. Food. Let's chat about it. It is in the essence of it all one of the most beautiful things in its own right. Wait I know I just said  above I am sick of food. Well I told you I had a love/hate relationship! but back to the issue at hand.   I wanna be faithful. Trust me. It deserves that. Part of renewing the fire back into the relationship is to look at it differently. Perhaps it's the creative person in me, but I have grown to love food over time more and more, but in a more evolved way. I am not overly picky, but I have found aspects about it that excite me. Working in cooking classes has encouraged it even more. I am obsessed and amazed by cooking documentaries (ask me about the ones I have watched). Talk about bringing some romance back! Looking at the food, smelling it, tasting it. Learning about all of the most incredible ways it can be made into these masterpieces is fascinating to me. I mean did you know it was art? I find myself  plating my food in a certain way, taking a picture of it (i don't care what any one has to say about that) I have made it my ritual, but again that's my relationship,maybe not yours. Food is beautiful and today we have made it an enemy. This monster. I think it's time we approach beauty and the beast. We don't live in a fairytale. It's real and here to stay.

So my friend,  I just wanted to say. I am trying. I am trying to work this out. I have been realizing that I need to be loved just the way I am and yet there is nothing wrong with changing for the better. I mean that's what a supportive relationship is about. But it is also about living life to the fullest. Not being just "full", stick with me here, but a full life. I have had some of my best memories around food.  I can't be obsessed with living in a place of self denial all the time. It's about balance. The give and take. I love a good green  juice, but I love a good burger here and there. I mean again. That is me, it may not be you. That is what I want to pass on that I am learning for myself. Everything in moderation, but not moderately living and experiencing. Live. Be conscious about the value of your health, but what use is there preserving a life that leaves you stressed out taking hours off it? Food is sustenance, it is art, it is social, it is cultural; food is a myriad of things that should not be boxed in. I mean don't we complain about that in our relationships? Don't do it to food. I am no expert and like all opinions, you do what you will with all of this. You at the end of the day have to find out what is best for YOU. We have been given body intuition, you need to start trusting it as I must. You know what is right for you and what is wrong. Like you know about a relationship. So I am just sharing my journey. It's a hard one, but worth walking through open minded and wide eyed. So when I ask you what's eating you? I hope you say it's not your food, but you are eating IT.

with Soul,

Artistic Soul

Freedom in Detachment

The title may seem a bit odd, since 'detachment' as a word may stir up feelings of a negative connotation. Yet, it is a word that I have learned to use over a period of time in my life as an encouraging reminder to self. There used to be a saying at my old job that was taught in classes about being 'detached from the outcome'. It is a very valuable statement that I have shared with many friends and try to remember to apply to my own life. We live in a world where people hold tightly to the things they have and live as hoarders. We are afraid that if we loosen our grips this things may be taken from us. We are people who love possessing and possessions. Even the most conscious minded of us seek to hold on and possess, even if it is our selves. Yet, are we really in control of even that? We ebb and flow and change each and every day. We are often surprised by the feelings that surface, come and go and the ones that stay attached to us even when we don't want them. Our desires and wants change and evolution has found a place in our lives even though we may not be prepared. This is all out of our control. All we can do is figure out how to change with it and embrace it.

One of the most challenging times to find detachment or a letting go is in romantic relationships. The principle can be applied to any relationship you want, but we seem to be baffled and obsessed with relationships with partners. It sometimes comes upon us like a tornado and sweeps us up dropping us places we don't know. It doesn't matter if the relationship is slow building or fast, we are never prepared for what it might present. Navigating human relationships is some of the most challenging and hardest work we'll ever have. It's taking time to realize not only do we have to be accountable for understanding the many intricacies of our own lives, we now are faced with how to walk the maze of another's life when the maze seems to always change just when we think we have made it out the other side. There is no other side. The twists and turns are constant. We all love a good challenge, but what about when we feel like enough is enough; we just want it to be easy. Easy is relative. If you admire a friend's relationship and it seems like its effortless, just know that work has been had to get to that place and there will be more times as such. We live almost in segments in time. It's like a film. When we watch a movie, we see it in its entirety, but what we don't see is that it is a series of edited scenes  mended together. If you were to take those scenes, each are very different and tell a different story evoking different emotions and meanings. Unlike edited scenes, our lives cannot be edited. The moment in time that we act out our experiences, they are imprinted and then gone. So what we do in those moments are important. How present we are is even more invaluable. This leads into why detachment in our relationships with partners is a lesson we have to learn in our lives. It is a lesson I am coming to learn more and more. It has been and still is very challenging. It takes practice.  Some lessons in our lives are repeated and that is because they are meant to be on a loop until we get it and then we stop the incessant rotation of the same scene in that film and move on to the next. I have seen the same scene over and over and now there has been some clarity. There has been an 'ah ha' moment. We get many of those 'ah ha' moments in our lives and yet, we let them pass by as insignificant, but they are moments that we should take time to really process and look at. Those moments come in our relationships. 

So back to the topic at hand. Detachment. When we enter into a relationship with someone, one of the first feelings that surface almost unconsciously is possession. This person now belongs to ME.  Belongs to me to fix me, love me, heal me, praise me, change me, stay with me. Now you may read that and think " no way, that does not sound right. I don't think like that". Ummm... yes you DO. If at any time you feel a sense of unease and jealousy. If insecurity stirs up in you because of something your partner said or did and you take it personal. If you become angry,  out of sorts or discontented with your partner. It comes from possession. You feel you posses that person and he/she posses you. Why? For the fact that he/she has made such  a significant impact on your emotions and mental well being tells you that. It's as if we feel out of control. As I have stated we are often people by nature that hold on to what we have very tightly. We don't have to live a dysfunctional life or have a some sorted colorful story to have a fear of abandonment. We often feel abandoned in many areas of our lives.There are careers, goals, relationships, family, friends etc. that have all 'failed' us in some way and abandoned us. In relationships, we are looking for that validation that we are someone that will not be left, worthy to be loved and deserve a promise of forever in blissful happiness. I mean that is what we see in movies and want to believe right? Abandoned, unabashed love and connection. We ALL want to be loved like that. You might think I am about to bring a storm cloud and say, THAT DON'T EXIST. No. It does. But when does it exist? It exists the moment we let go and detach from feeling that we are in control of the other person. It happens when we let go of our emotions and actions being controlled by what they do and say.  It happens when we stop thinking they are responsible for us and who we are or owe us something. It happens when we stop asking for permission from the other person. It happens when we stop thinking we deserve something from them. It happens when we let go of the past and the future of a 'forever' and live in the present. It happens when we let go enough to create a freedom in the relationship. It's not the old saying 'if you set them free he/she will come back to you' (or you get the point). No he/she may not. In knowing that, is where the the freedom is. It's being detached from the outcome. 

Detachment is a hard lesson to learn and put into practice. We as people don't like to be uncertain about any areas of our lives. We especially don't like uncertainty in matters of the heart. Yet, life is uncertainty. There is no promise of tomorrow, there is only today and that is what you can be certain about. The only person you are in control of walking this earth with everyday is YOU and even in that, we don't know what is in store for us. I have come to a hard lesson of learning to let go of being in control in my relationships. I am still learning it. Detachment in a relationship does not mean being disconnected and without feeling. It is not being without heart. It is not withholding or conditional giving to another. It is not protecting oneself from disappointments or hurt. It is not being absent or present so that you don't hurt in the absence of another should he/she leave. It is surrendering, letting go and loosening the hold around the person enough to respect and love them in their space and trusting that your relationship will be honored in the present. In the PRESENT. Present means you can not hold someone to make up for their past  (whether with or without you) nor promise the future.Again, we are ever changing as individuals and we never know if those changes will or will not include one another on this journey. Yet, if we are so blessed, we will walk on that road together for as long as it will allow till in whatever part of life the paths shall part. We always have to acknowledge that we are individuals that have to realize and be responsible for OUR OWN truths, wants, desires and happiness first and foremost, before another.  We have to push ourselves to loosen our hands from the delicacies of our partners necks and allow them to breathe. In detachment, though it feels scary and uncertain, it presents us with a beautiful revelation. Freedom. All the sudden there is a an epiphany that happens, a weight off our chests. We become present with our breathe and perspective changes. We stop missing those beautiful moments with our partners to look  for the next. We stop being ungrateful, impatient and judgmental. We stop expecting and start connecting. We start giving unconditionally when conditions have conditioned us to do so. We are content no matter what. We watch something special happen. The moment we let go and detach from the outcome, not only do our partners feel free to be present with you, but YOU will feel present with FREEDOM. 

with Soul, 

Artistic Soul

The Uprise: Like Minded Souls In A Creative Coup

I know my title seems a bit interesting and you may wonder what I am going to write about. Well, let me share with you exactly where I am going with this. As, I am on my own personal search for my voice and creative expression in this time, I am noticing a certain movement that is happening. This is at least my personal opinion, though  I have found others that agree. I am not a political person really nor do I profess to have extensive knowledge about our system in the U.S., but I do feel conscious and connected to the changes that have been taking place. One doesn't have to always know the details to see the overall big picture of something. Sometimes we get too much in the details of things. There are bigger things beyond us at work and for many of us that are connected in a conscious or spiritual way, we feel the shifts that are creating a major impact all around us and in our personal lives. These shifts are happening in many different areas, but I particularly am taking notice in one area that affects me and others around me. 

The economy, taking a dive and causing unemployment at alarming rates has interestingly enough created a silver lining that has found its way into a expanding rainbow. Those that have been forced out of work and those disgruntled with the redundant bore of making the all mighty dollar at the Company A are awakening. They are stirring.. thus the beginning of the uprise. People are realizing that even though they feel enslaved by the system, they are finding new freedom in being their own money maker. Independence has taken on a new form. People are being forced to be creative and inventive. Entrepreneurship is not a novice concept, but what is, is the fact that people are unifying. Thus the beginning of the coup. Sometimes we think that being our own bosses means a very selfish means to obtain as much as we can for ourselves. We think that it means to each their own. On the contrary, there is a powerful and exciting movement happening. Like minded souls are finding one another. There is almost this barter system and exchange of talents. There is a realization that there are power in numbers and that each person in our circle has something different to contribute. I roam around in the creative world of dancers, artists, musicians and the like. I tend to notice it most here. Not to leave out anyone or other professions, but I think that this has been the most beautiful and inspiring shift. Unfortunately, as amazing as it is to see the contribution of the arts to our world, sometimes those in these professions are some of the most understated and unpaid for what they give and can offer.  

We know the saying well of the "starving artist". There is most definitely truth to it. Yet, again there is something rising from deep within and a light has gone off. Eyes are open to the fact that opportunity is but a person away. We are helping one another to network, creating collaborations in business endeavors and co creating dreams. We have heard of home flipping, but those around us are dream flipping. They are taking those 8-5 jobs run by Jo Schmo and using them as a rung on the steps to their personal dream and aspirations. They have realized that they are no longer filling the pockets and dreams of the fat cats, but cashing out, walking out and closing the door behind them. Risks taking is no longer a fear, but people are taking leaps off ledges of restlessness and discontentment into the clear waters of personal dreams realized. 

I am watching my friends and even strangers that I cross paths with take leaps. I am in awe watching them and inspired. I am biting at the bit to be apart of this coup. I have stood on the sidelines long enough while the war rages around me and enough is enough. I want to be apart of the battle. The battle for personal freedom. The rights to our dreams and happiness. I chose the creative world, but you can apply this to whatever you want. If you feel this resonates with you, then welcome. It is an exciting time. By all means it has not been easy. I have felt wounded more than I would like, but still healing comes and I am back in the fight again. It takes time and patience sometimes to see things come to fruition, but what it doe not take is complacency and idleness. I am realizing we must take every means to labor. The enemy never sleeps and nor should we. Our enemy can be whatever we fathom it to be in our lives. Is it YOU, fear, laziness, people, negativity and the list can go on. I am reminded everyday that I am missing my victories. Let us all not miss our victories and be on the sidelines. Join the Up Rise....

With Soul, 

Artistic Soul

Connections

I have been silent I know for quite a bit of time. I wanna feel this sense of guilt and neglect in being inconsistent in writing my voice and thoughts. Yet how do you feel guilty over something that is an inspired moment in time to say something..... should it be forced? Yet life steals moments in which one always says " I just don't have this extra time for this or this is not a priority right now. Lazy hands make thoughts idle and left wanting... I been wanting and yet now I trust the universe's moment for me to speak. I been also knowing that as we have heard before.. life just does not just happen by itself, we have to show up. Universe moves.. we listen and then we must put our hands to labor and bring into fruition. Manifesting must be made into materialization in which we touch in reality. So that being said I have been trying to put myself in practice of listening when I feel something speaking in me and instead of saying.. "oh that would be a good topic, I will do it later.." I say no... I will sit down and do it right now. Listen and act. This is one of those moments.

Connections... where do we start. This can go so many places, yet I think this is about soul connections with people in our lives. I have really been thinking about this lately. I feel like right now and as it has been, there is a universal shift of constant transitions. My last blog was about transitions. It continues. As we shift  and energy shifts so do people in our lives. For myself I have felt not only is there a life shift in many areas, I feel like I am being prepared. Not only for where it is going, but for the people that will cross my path. The unknown anticipation. Yet, something I am learning is that it is not just about the future of those to come, but about the past as well. The universe has an interesting way of weaving people in and out of your life at the most opportune times for some reason in which you have no idea why. Yet, you welcome it with open arms because for whatever reason it resonates with you. The universe simply asks us to be present.

 I have been learning that there is patience and openness in understanding we are constantly shedding skin and becoming new people. Though some things seem to stay the same whether viewed good or bad, our experiences and spaces in our lives are always in evolution. Our perspectives, thoughts, experiences, desires, wants, knowledge, self awareness and the list can go on, allow us to see only what we CAN see at THAT POINT in time. We sometimes look back and think or wish something could have been different. But is that necessarily true? I believe we have to trust that we were in that time who we were supposed to be and we could only work within those parameters of what we perceived to be our truth.  Now the new lesson that has come to me is.. am I really present when I am with someone in my life  no matter what capacity that is? partner, friend, sibling, parent. Do we often find ourselves questioning our interactions with people and feeling with certain people like there is a lack of closure perhaps from the past. Why is this? What is missing for us that we all of the the sudden seem to see it now? 

The feelings are often regret.. but there is no need to feel regret. In some instances this is where it is supposed to be. Still it can be a catalyst to think about how present we are with people. Are we really SEEING them and embracing them or are we so busy trying to get to the next destination of labels of them in our lives. Are we seeing roles in our lives that we neatly package up and mark "lesson" "experience" "memory" "encounter". We fix them up so that they neatly make sense in our lives at the time, but maybe they are not supposed to. When you truly SEE someone, they don't "fit", they connect. Some connect briefly, some connect for a long time, some for life, some disconnect and reconnect.. but they are always connected. They don't connect the way you want, they connect the way the universe wants. If it was up to us we'd make a mess of things. People evolve us..it is the sure mirror of growth. We are pushed out of our boundaries and forced to trust the unknown territory of emotions and change as no two people are alike. Every connection is valid and purposeful even those that hurt or are uncomfortable for us. We must be present. Being present allows us to see what things give to us a life source of knowledge and soul wisdom. This comes in all forms and  in ways we least expect. Don't be quick to dismiss them. I am not one to act as if this is something I have come to master in my life. The hurtful ones I always think are dismissive... but they are just as valuable. I must work around the thorns that do serve their purpose, so that I can eventually get to the rose. Then I am blessed with beauty...

All are valuable.. and some truly move you deeply. Listen to those ones. They are special. There is a message waiting with them that even they don't know they have for you. It's remarkable. I recognize them. My soul recognizes them. I do not understand it and yet I know just enough to know that it resonates with me. They come to me with an uncanny ease. It just "clicks". We think this sometimes is not possible, but it does exist. Some are present in our everyday lives, some come and go or are infrequent, but they are unmistakable. Never do I ever try to remove them from where they are to be in my life. They are in it the way they are for a reason. Our greatest ruin is the arrogance of control. Let the grip go. Let it flow. If we are in tune and present, our souls know what to do with them. 

I feel grateful to have had a connect today with a connection that has been in and out of my life, yet always there in their own way. This person inspired these thoughts I share with you. I was triggered by a comment that this person said "I feel like we missed each other sometimes or at least I missed seeing you, For you. Wish i'd had better perspective on that in the moment"  I really sat with that when that was said to me, hit me and got me to really thinking deeply. That was a great reflective moment for me and I don't regret one moment of our connection and how it has unfolded. It was timely as it was supposed to be. Regardless if really SEEING that person in your life could or could not have changed anything in that course of time, still, do we SEE them. Are we embracing them fully in that moment or moments and being present. It's nothing to be discouraged about or again be regrettable about; perhaps we simply weren't ready at that time to see it.  But like universal divine timing, when we open ourselves up to be present and be a receptacle, then we will receive. We have to simply trust that we have been hooked up at the right time with the right connections....

 With soul,

Artistic Soul