Here I am!!!!!! My apologies as always for staying away for so long. I repeatedly tell myself I must get better at this. Life and the sheer white wall of thoughts that sit on you trying to think about what can be written about next. Let me share that one thing I do not like to do is write just to write. I do take great care and thought to make sure I share in my writing something to move you, stir you, interest you, provoke you, encourage and whateveresle I would want to read myself. Empty words are empty unmoved minds. So with that being said I feel that perhaps the best way to reintroduce myself back into your minds and hearts is to share some personal life with you and current transition I have embarked upon....
NEWFLASH- Sept 30, 2011 - Angela M. Calvin was without forewarning termintated from her job of 7 years. Reasons vaguely stated and truly unknown. She packed her things and walked out to the unknown. Some perhaps reassurance was that maybe a little unemployment would assist. To her surprise she was denied. What!!!!!??? how did this happen and why after so many years?! was this the thanks I get?! yes... there ensued many moments of $&#!@ expletives expressed. Needless to say the case was fought and unemployment won, but not before the weighted fear of the "unknown" and incessant nagging of bittneress and anger pushed to set in.
Have some of us at some point been here? The shock of the unknown being thrusted into our laps without our consent? The feeling that we have so mapped out our lives that when the curve on the road forces us to take a sharp turn in a different direction we curse and throw our fists in anger that we now are on the wrong course.... but are we? Do we sit in some spaces feeling wronged on the side of the road feeling we "deserve" better than we have perhaps been treated by people, employers, family etc. you fill in the blank. Deserve what? What is it that we deserve when many of us don't know what that is? How many of us are in a place in our lives that we feel we should be given more in a place that fails to see that we are worth more. If they don't see it, then what are we expecting? We don't even see it in ourselves. The best thing that one who has dismissed you is to DIMISS you. It freed you...... consider it a FAVOR.
You can apply this story in whatever aspect you like as a principle. You can apply it in Love, Career, Family, Friends and whatever sub catergories your mind can phathom. My angle I am coming from is the impending question of how to be happy with a purpose in which to use our talents. I have in this time of "purgatory" felt a shift in the universal energy. People are realizing that they want to be happy with how they earn a living and live life. Then again perhaps I am just late on the jump and missed this epiphany that many have had for quite some time. Regardless, this has been a long time coming for me to come to realization of this perspective. I must admit this is a place of fear and holding to old ways of established thinking that has to be undone. It is a place that many people have come to live; in a world that has trained us to work for "someonelse" and not for ourselves or to work to make another happy and not ourselves. When did we start believing that someonelses happiness and personal wealth was more valuable than our own? When did we leave the content of our character and worth of our talents to the interpretation of a stranger? I would be safe to say that the reflecting mirror we should be looking in would express to us that those who employ us are simply lucky to "borrow" our gifts to be contributed to their well being and success. We forget that many a companies' successes are built on the backs of those that do the "grunt" work to those that manage an army. When we realize this, how do we maximize our potential and contribution where we are in companies or to move on to self employ ourselves... this is the underlined question. How do you best serve YOU?
YOU , yes YOU.... It's unfortunate that those of us in the US market have been conditioned to build another's kingdom. Let me say that there is nothing wrong with being apart of the team, but are you getting valid playing time on the court and getting a fat paycheck in the end? I have to say I was one that for many years enslaved myself to another's kingdom. I believe that we all have to pay our dues. We all may need to toss the slop around, but at what point do we start to recognize that perhaps we have evolved to be more. Experience is experience, but Expertise is expertise. Many of us need to realize we can get to the point of EXPERTISE in whatever that may be for you. I spent so long timidly asking for what I wanted instead of demanding. Demanding not in disrespect, but in respect of self. I realized I just should have donated my time. Yet let me not discount the time spent in this space. I have to say that a person in touch with self will realize that in any condition there is personal growth. The issue is that many of us stay beyond the lesson and end up sitting in class alone while others moved on to the next period. DING THE BELL RANG!!!!!!!!!!! MOVE ON!
Moving on... how do you move on when you feel you weren't ready! well... you think you were not, but universe would say different. Even if you don't believe that there is a higher being or the "universe" to move you along, realize that another's actions you deem as unfair is a move in the right direction for you. There is a larger picture you simply don't see. Every action has a reaction of other domino affects. Let me say it is easy to say all this but much harder to believe when you are sitting in front of a pile of bills, annoying credit card calls, a near empty fridge and an on "E" tank of gas. Suddenly, the tangibility of reality sets in as opposed to the ethereal belief of the universal law working in your favor. But have no fear, though I can't give you an answer as I still sit here confused as to how this will all work out. The thought that WOW! maybe I can actually use the degeree I worked for in which, the loan companies are hounding me for payback that I keep derferring. What a concept. What I can offer is ... I am with you and you are not alone.
Not alone is what I have felt despite being in a place I have never been and dreaded being. I am a person of stability. I always envied and still do of the people that take off to a foreign country with $10 in their pockets and teach english earning their living in the back jungle tribal villages of whyyouherewithmypeopleandwillnotleave. My humor sorry, but you get what I am saying. I can honestly say that though I feel like I am in a "catch 22" of needing to find a "JOB" as opposed to finding my "CAREER" to provide for myself as soon as possible, I feel a certain sense of peace and happiness. Somtimes the greatest happiness is not in the "KNOWN" or the stability of a situation, but the instability of not being in control that gives you control. It's the control to finding you and steering your life according to where you want to go, not have to go. I think there are times we need to be still. Sit still and enjoy. We may not be able to sit there forever, but we can indulge ourselves a bit. We need to be patient with trusting that there is a resolution. Fear is not the boss of us but we have fired it for a better candidate of hope. I can't say I have mastered this but I am not slave any longer to the option of being stagnant and undervalued. I do feel that I have a new battle as fear wants to creep into my new journey.
A new journey is what I am on. A new journey is what you can be on. There is an excitement in the notion of "possibility". Is there a possiblity that you can truly be happy in using your talents for your own personal wealth? I have no idea what direction to go.. where to start, but for now I am hanging on to the notion of "possibility". All that one can do is work. Labor in love and think into fruition your true reality of what you want. It's the freedom to realize that you can get there during this time of the Waiting Game....
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Creating Our Own Boundaries
We often shun constant repeated lessons in our lives fearing that we never seem to come to a point of clarity. Each time we seem to find something different with perhaps the same underlined theme. I am one of those that have had the same repeated lessons in partner relationships and as frustrating as it may be, there is some satisfactory joy in the epiphany of some revelation to create change. The latest revelation was I have found that I allow the other person create personal boundaries for me.
Many times we enter relationships thinking that we are clear on the boundaries we will set with a person. As feelings become more involved, "compromising" for the sake of the relationship is indeed compromising but not in the healthy intention of creating unity but the demise of one's personal boundaries of emotions, values and beliefs. During the evolution of the relationship taking place, there comes a point where there may be a rise of the dominant personality. There is the one partner that seems to become the crux in which the direction the relationship may take. The passive partner believes they are holding true to their values, beliefs, wants and desires. Unbeknown to one's self you then realize that you have been swindled by your own self. The other person proceeds to navigate through the relationship without any accountability for their behaviors, their words, their actions and feelings . They remain true to what they feel as themselves as you begin to bend, twist, cut, contort yourself to fit, not the JOINT relationship.. but THEIR relationship. This.. This is exactly what it has become. THEIRS, not "OUR".
These type of relationships can become detrimental to some of us and tricky. We are convinced that we are being cooperative or avoiding uncertain "drama" . In reality we can become so desperate to create a "relationship" that we are willing to accept the terms of another without consulting our true selves as to what is it that we truly want. There may even be times we clearly see that something is not beneficial for us and may even create and uncomfortable feeling for us. Everything in us is screaming at us to listen to our intuition, but we ignore it with an ignorant bliss. We then open our eyes and realize that we have perhaps waded too deep in the waters of disillusionment. So how do we resolve this matter?
We must hold true to our boundaries. There is no magical answer. It's simply a decision. We often compromise out of fear. Fear that the other person will not accept our boundaries, which is in fact a personal respect and value for self. The value of knowing that your boundaries are just as important as the other person's. We fear the person may abandon us and so we deem them of greater importance than ourselves in the contribution and foundation of the relationship. There has to come a time when we stop asking ourselves: "how did I get in this? " or blaming the other person for the state of our unhappiness. Fact of the matter is no one can make you be anywhere or do anything that we don't give permission to. We can't base our decisions hanging on the words and actions of another. I am not saying compromising and reevaluating perhaps some more strict boundaries are wrong, as two people should be assessing what is in the best interest of a relationship that is comfortable for the BOTH. The issue is when the best interest is in the interest of one person.
This is MY personal belief, that when you meet the right person to be your companion they will not ask, imply, manipulate, telepathically or by any other means expect you to compromise your boundaries. YOU will not feel the need to expect that of yourself as well. There will be in existence a harmony and reassurance that the relationship is built within the endless boundaries of happy possibilities.
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Many times we enter relationships thinking that we are clear on the boundaries we will set with a person. As feelings become more involved, "compromising" for the sake of the relationship is indeed compromising but not in the healthy intention of creating unity but the demise of one's personal boundaries of emotions, values and beliefs. During the evolution of the relationship taking place, there comes a point where there may be a rise of the dominant personality. There is the one partner that seems to become the crux in which the direction the relationship may take. The passive partner believes they are holding true to their values, beliefs, wants and desires. Unbeknown to one's self you then realize that you have been swindled by your own self. The other person proceeds to navigate through the relationship without any accountability for their behaviors, their words, their actions and feelings . They remain true to what they feel as themselves as you begin to bend, twist, cut, contort yourself to fit, not the JOINT relationship.. but THEIR relationship. This.. This is exactly what it has become. THEIRS, not "OUR".
These type of relationships can become detrimental to some of us and tricky. We are convinced that we are being cooperative or avoiding uncertain "drama" . In reality we can become so desperate to create a "relationship" that we are willing to accept the terms of another without consulting our true selves as to what is it that we truly want. There may even be times we clearly see that something is not beneficial for us and may even create and uncomfortable feeling for us. Everything in us is screaming at us to listen to our intuition, but we ignore it with an ignorant bliss. We then open our eyes and realize that we have perhaps waded too deep in the waters of disillusionment. So how do we resolve this matter?
We must hold true to our boundaries. There is no magical answer. It's simply a decision. We often compromise out of fear. Fear that the other person will not accept our boundaries, which is in fact a personal respect and value for self. The value of knowing that your boundaries are just as important as the other person's. We fear the person may abandon us and so we deem them of greater importance than ourselves in the contribution and foundation of the relationship. There has to come a time when we stop asking ourselves: "how did I get in this? " or blaming the other person for the state of our unhappiness. Fact of the matter is no one can make you be anywhere or do anything that we don't give permission to. We can't base our decisions hanging on the words and actions of another. I am not saying compromising and reevaluating perhaps some more strict boundaries are wrong, as two people should be assessing what is in the best interest of a relationship that is comfortable for the BOTH. The issue is when the best interest is in the interest of one person.
This is MY personal belief, that when you meet the right person to be your companion they will not ask, imply, manipulate, telepathically or by any other means expect you to compromise your boundaries. YOU will not feel the need to expect that of yourself as well. There will be in existence a harmony and reassurance that the relationship is built within the endless boundaries of happy possibilities.
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Our Control or Beyond it
"Everything happens for a reason"..." There is a plan".."you make your own destiny"..."you are in control" Some phrases that we may hear or thoughts we think and I have stopped to wonder do we realize or ever feel that they seem contrary to one another. I find that it can feel a bit confusing to know how to work with the idea of both being in control and out of control all at the same time. Life presents us with situations in which they can be deemed as good or bad in which even those terms are up for interpretation. Sometimes when we are searching for answers in perhaps our darkest times we feel at a loss. Not knowing if it is us that has created a situation or outcome or we are at the mercy of fate... the universe.. a divine being you believe in or whatever the case may be, but what is the "truth"? what is the "reality"?
There is the reality that we do make our own decisions in life and we choose paths and options that we hold responsibility for. It becomes quite the conundrum or quandary when things don't go as we may think they would or want and we ask ourselves what happened? Did we call this to ourselves as we designed or was there a greater hand at work than us? Even in saying did we call this to ourselves when things are not as we wanted may not make much sense to us, but sometimes we don't realize that beyond our conscious scope, what we REALLY wanted is what came to us. There lies the debate of was that our doing or a greater force at work. Does this start to paint a even more confusing picture for you yet? I don't have an answer to that really. As always my blogs are to create thought and stimulate the ability to ask yourself these questions in which to delve deeper into self. There is always something to ponder in our lives in which moves us to personal growth. This is just one more thing. A very important thing to think about. It has a profound impact on how we navigate through our lives. It tests the core of our most primal natures, intuition, trust and faith in ourselves and the force that moves us that we live with and among everyday. My sneaky suspicion is that both are in work with one another.
If this is true then what can be done to make these concepts as one in our own minds and lives. Often what the challenge is in our lives is that we are divided in thought. We also are creatures in our nature that need and want to be in control. We as individuals find it hard to think that our decisions and eventual outcomes are part of some great energy or determined plan already set for us. So then what do we say about this concept of : are we in control or or not in control? We then have to think about are we players in the game or not? Are we the character or controlling the joystick. There is this this rethinking of all the authors and gurus that encourage us to have visualization of what we want from the Universe. Churches preach faith, "ask and it shall be given to you". What do we do with that? These are all action motivated stimulators implying we have the control to make something happen in our lives. We can become convinced that things are within our control. Then, one day that job you applied for doesn't pan out or that relationship you so thought would work, ends and you hear so often this recycled phrase " if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.." I find that a paradoxical phrase in itself. Everything and anything can come under interpretation, even dependent on who the hearer is. That phrase is a loaded gun, in which one can believe that the meaning implies at some point there is a predestination that determines the outcome of a situation. You just don't know if YOUR "meant to be" is what you want or not and when it's coming. When I say depends on who the hearer is, I mean that say healthy positive perspective of a person may think " well this could mean this may or may not happen and I am good with that." Another person struggling with the outcome of a situation or waiting on one, may have a false hope. They start to think : oh there is a possibility". They live in that "possbility" as a their "present" and not the reality of " now",the present. Still confused?
There is no set answer as to each is their own thoughts on this.. I am just expressing my own questions and thoughts. I pose the question of is there a possibility that our paths are set but we do have the free will to make decisions and the ones we make are but slight detours along the way to a final destination? What destination is another question in which need not to be delved into at this time. I find there is a certain anxiety in this discussion. You wonder.. "Am I making the best decisions for my life and am I on the "right" track" . We'd like to almost take solace perhaps in the fact that some things are just gonna "work out" for the best by another force's will and design and that in the end we won't have to really think or worry about it at all. In reality that is where I believe we should and would want to all be... The feeling of utter trust that our lives are somehow working themselves out. We all tend to incessantly live in our heads. As my friend says "play the game" we love the drama and entertain it. We stay in constant confusion and even when we feel we have found an answer to making these two worlds of control and lack thereof co exist, we still wonder " is this right? " or we are never satisfied with the answer! Perhaps we will never truly know. There is bliss in surrendering. In trusting our deep soulful intuition that has been given to us and letting life take it's course. There is bliss in taking full responsibility for the decisions we have made and embracing them.. the hardship and the joys. Yet we all know that we have to show up for life. We have to contribute. Our bodies don't move without our willing them to do so. We take breathes because we decide to allow them to be inhaled and exhaled. We know that a roof over our heads and food on our table don't come by sheer intention alone. There is a joint partnership that happens on this trek of life. I would suffice to say that life itself on this earth...each day comes along whether we want to show up or not. Time comes and goes whether we participate or not to use it's constant ticking in our lives. This is some evidence that things do have its course. We just need to know where we fit in. Let us all find some symbiance in these concepts being in control or not in control. I think that when we do, we will find that our minds will be a much quieter space in which we could manifest outwardly a place of Peace and Joyful surrender in our lives.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
There is the reality that we do make our own decisions in life and we choose paths and options that we hold responsibility for. It becomes quite the conundrum or quandary when things don't go as we may think they would or want and we ask ourselves what happened? Did we call this to ourselves as we designed or was there a greater hand at work than us? Even in saying did we call this to ourselves when things are not as we wanted may not make much sense to us, but sometimes we don't realize that beyond our conscious scope, what we REALLY wanted is what came to us. There lies the debate of was that our doing or a greater force at work. Does this start to paint a even more confusing picture for you yet? I don't have an answer to that really. As always my blogs are to create thought and stimulate the ability to ask yourself these questions in which to delve deeper into self. There is always something to ponder in our lives in which moves us to personal growth. This is just one more thing. A very important thing to think about. It has a profound impact on how we navigate through our lives. It tests the core of our most primal natures, intuition, trust and faith in ourselves and the force that moves us that we live with and among everyday. My sneaky suspicion is that both are in work with one another.
If this is true then what can be done to make these concepts as one in our own minds and lives. Often what the challenge is in our lives is that we are divided in thought. We also are creatures in our nature that need and want to be in control. We as individuals find it hard to think that our decisions and eventual outcomes are part of some great energy or determined plan already set for us. So then what do we say about this concept of : are we in control or or not in control? We then have to think about are we players in the game or not? Are we the character or controlling the joystick. There is this this rethinking of all the authors and gurus that encourage us to have visualization of what we want from the Universe. Churches preach faith, "ask and it shall be given to you". What do we do with that? These are all action motivated stimulators implying we have the control to make something happen in our lives. We can become convinced that things are within our control. Then, one day that job you applied for doesn't pan out or that relationship you so thought would work, ends and you hear so often this recycled phrase " if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.." I find that a paradoxical phrase in itself. Everything and anything can come under interpretation, even dependent on who the hearer is. That phrase is a loaded gun, in which one can believe that the meaning implies at some point there is a predestination that determines the outcome of a situation. You just don't know if YOUR "meant to be" is what you want or not and when it's coming. When I say depends on who the hearer is, I mean that say healthy positive perspective of a person may think " well this could mean this may or may not happen and I am good with that." Another person struggling with the outcome of a situation or waiting on one, may have a false hope. They start to think : oh there is a possibility". They live in that "possbility" as a their "present" and not the reality of " now",the present. Still confused?
There is no set answer as to each is their own thoughts on this.. I am just expressing my own questions and thoughts. I pose the question of is there a possibility that our paths are set but we do have the free will to make decisions and the ones we make are but slight detours along the way to a final destination? What destination is another question in which need not to be delved into at this time. I find there is a certain anxiety in this discussion. You wonder.. "Am I making the best decisions for my life and am I on the "right" track" . We'd like to almost take solace perhaps in the fact that some things are just gonna "work out" for the best by another force's will and design and that in the end we won't have to really think or worry about it at all. In reality that is where I believe we should and would want to all be... The feeling of utter trust that our lives are somehow working themselves out. We all tend to incessantly live in our heads. As my friend says "play the game" we love the drama and entertain it. We stay in constant confusion and even when we feel we have found an answer to making these two worlds of control and lack thereof co exist, we still wonder " is this right? " or we are never satisfied with the answer! Perhaps we will never truly know. There is bliss in surrendering. In trusting our deep soulful intuition that has been given to us and letting life take it's course. There is bliss in taking full responsibility for the decisions we have made and embracing them.. the hardship and the joys. Yet we all know that we have to show up for life. We have to contribute. Our bodies don't move without our willing them to do so. We take breathes because we decide to allow them to be inhaled and exhaled. We know that a roof over our heads and food on our table don't come by sheer intention alone. There is a joint partnership that happens on this trek of life. I would suffice to say that life itself on this earth...each day comes along whether we want to show up or not. Time comes and goes whether we participate or not to use it's constant ticking in our lives. This is some evidence that things do have its course. We just need to know where we fit in. Let us all find some symbiance in these concepts being in control or not in control. I think that when we do, we will find that our minds will be a much quieter space in which we could manifest outwardly a place of Peace and Joyful surrender in our lives.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Monday, April 25, 2011
Self Love vs Self Martyrdom
They say you are what you eat. I also know you are what you think. You are what you see and choose to see. If you don't choose to define who you are then everything around you will define you whether you would like to think so or not. Self love.. a topic that every book guru speaks on under the alternate title of self help books, but how many of us are truly helping ourselves? It's a question I have had to ask myself recently.
I have been one of the many that have invested dollars with book shelves of other people's suggestions of how to love myself. It's not an air of sarcasm I speak as I respect there are those out there with wisdom they want to share that perhaps can give us all a breadcrumb of a clue on how to get to a place where we can be truly happy. Some people read and apply and there is an amazing change, alot of hard work and voila-- success. So then what about those of us that don't seem to come to it so easily? Hold on wait.. better yet those that seem to have gotten it easy we may wanna look at their lives again... we might just see that the grass is not always greener on the other side. They are still working. There are those never ending lessons and those that revisit us when we think that we have conquered them. Do we dare to think that the same people that write these books we so often use as our road map to navigate life like a letter of the law don't struggle in themselves? How is it then that they have come up with so much material to write for you to read? They have been there themselves and one would ask themselves how did they come to a place to find some resolution of self love? They obviously had to find it somewhere. If I could guess I would say it was within themselves. We have become a society of quick fixes and spoon fed ideologies in which rarely these days do we have to think for ourselves. The intention of many of the writers I would want to so graciously say, pour their thoughts and energy onto pages hoping that you would truly help your self, which means THINK yourself and their book is but a guideline not meant for mindless regurgitation and temporary life application. Quick fixes don't change the fact that it is a tireless endless work to work on self. A dirty grimmy deep work that many of us don't want to get our hands soiled for but yet, what is the true point here to realize? What we are looking for is within ourselves....
No one has the capability to make us love ourselves more than we can. So the question is how is it that we choose martyrdom at the demising expense of ourselves over living a life of sacrifice that is invested in loving ourselves? Now let me clarify.. loving yourself is not to be confused with selfishness, narcissism or even arrogance. Loving self is knowing self worth and being able to make the necessary sacrifice of saying no to a relationship that is not serving you, setting up boundaries to not being taken advantage of, to walk away when you want to stay most, to try to fix someone that does not want to be fixed or to be a Savior to someone in which you can not walk on water yourself. We so often have a fear of being alone and being unloved and out fear creates desperation. This desperation straps a fluorescent vest and glowing batons that make you a landing strip that says "land here". Over and over again we guide people into our lives that should have never landed but kept it moving. We want to justify that it's a natural progression of lessons that were "supposed" to happen. Wonder if they were not? Do we think that we choose lessons or they choose us? It's like the question of what comes first, the chicken or the egg? No we can't always predict situations that come across our paths but we DO have choices on how they will play out in our lives. Nothing or no one has permission to enter our lives with out us acknowledging it, opening the door so to speak. We are always making decisions and one of those is will we look back and say " that was a lesson or this is a lesson". Do we ever think about when we most often call something a lesson in our lives? I tend to notice it's after we have not made perhaps the best decisions or exeperience regrettable outcomes of something that did not work out the way we so desired but we were a contributing factor to it. Don't think that many times you can't find YOU in the equation with your hand caught in the cookie jar. When are you gonna get tired of saying .. " that was a lesson learned"?
This has been a personal struggle for me as I find myself a walking example of someone that is discovering she needs to love self. You can love yourself to death over loving other people beyond what you can give and should give. You keep realizing that you grow more weary realizing that if you allow it, people will take, life will take from you and if you lack self love where is your replenishing reserve? Why are you giving away what you won't give yourself first. We want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and what about giving ourselves that? We don't understand the taking, but of what value does another see in taking from you if you don't give yourself any worth? It also becomes of no value to them in which maybe not maliciously, is mishandled without care. I am starting to see that how I love myself is how another will love me. It's a sobering estimate of myself that is hard to look at. I have become a personal martyr and in some twisted way find solace in the self sacrifice. Somehow it equates for me a back door means to find love and acceptance. I say backdoor because I haven't decided that love and acceptance coming through the front door is what I deserve. It's being face to face saying what I need and want and deserve, not because I had to "earn it" from anyone but they gave it to me willingly. It's honoring the truth in oneself to not manipulate through this self martyrdom, but to trust that you are more than enough. There is true wisdom within ourselves to have the discernment to create our own personal loving reality in us and our lives. We are beholden to nothing and freed to embrace everything we desire good in our lives. Yet, this is the greatest challenge many of us face.
It takes time to sit with oneself and be honest, yet it must be done. It takes focus to look into our own person and not at the other person. We can't keep running to the next fix without fixing ourselves. We don't want to keep coming back asking ourselves "why is this still happening"? or "why am I dating the same type of people" ? We don't want to keep saying that something was a lesson learned because we made unwise choices that got us there in the first place. It's time to stop perpetuating our old patterns and manifesting self sabotaging situations. As said many times no one can love you better than you. Sacrifice to let go of the world long enough to grab a hold of YOU and the love you deserve.
With soul,
Artistic soul
I have been one of the many that have invested dollars with book shelves of other people's suggestions of how to love myself. It's not an air of sarcasm I speak as I respect there are those out there with wisdom they want to share that perhaps can give us all a breadcrumb of a clue on how to get to a place where we can be truly happy. Some people read and apply and there is an amazing change, alot of hard work and voila-- success. So then what about those of us that don't seem to come to it so easily? Hold on wait.. better yet those that seem to have gotten it easy we may wanna look at their lives again... we might just see that the grass is not always greener on the other side. They are still working. There are those never ending lessons and those that revisit us when we think that we have conquered them. Do we dare to think that the same people that write these books we so often use as our road map to navigate life like a letter of the law don't struggle in themselves? How is it then that they have come up with so much material to write for you to read? They have been there themselves and one would ask themselves how did they come to a place to find some resolution of self love? They obviously had to find it somewhere. If I could guess I would say it was within themselves. We have become a society of quick fixes and spoon fed ideologies in which rarely these days do we have to think for ourselves. The intention of many of the writers I would want to so graciously say, pour their thoughts and energy onto pages hoping that you would truly help your self, which means THINK yourself and their book is but a guideline not meant for mindless regurgitation and temporary life application. Quick fixes don't change the fact that it is a tireless endless work to work on self. A dirty grimmy deep work that many of us don't want to get our hands soiled for but yet, what is the true point here to realize? What we are looking for is within ourselves....
No one has the capability to make us love ourselves more than we can. So the question is how is it that we choose martyrdom at the demising expense of ourselves over living a life of sacrifice that is invested in loving ourselves? Now let me clarify.. loving yourself is not to be confused with selfishness, narcissism or even arrogance. Loving self is knowing self worth and being able to make the necessary sacrifice of saying no to a relationship that is not serving you, setting up boundaries to not being taken advantage of, to walk away when you want to stay most, to try to fix someone that does not want to be fixed or to be a Savior to someone in which you can not walk on water yourself. We so often have a fear of being alone and being unloved and out fear creates desperation. This desperation straps a fluorescent vest and glowing batons that make you a landing strip that says "land here". Over and over again we guide people into our lives that should have never landed but kept it moving. We want to justify that it's a natural progression of lessons that were "supposed" to happen. Wonder if they were not? Do we think that we choose lessons or they choose us? It's like the question of what comes first, the chicken or the egg? No we can't always predict situations that come across our paths but we DO have choices on how they will play out in our lives. Nothing or no one has permission to enter our lives with out us acknowledging it, opening the door so to speak. We are always making decisions and one of those is will we look back and say " that was a lesson or this is a lesson". Do we ever think about when we most often call something a lesson in our lives? I tend to notice it's after we have not made perhaps the best decisions or exeperience regrettable outcomes of something that did not work out the way we so desired but we were a contributing factor to it. Don't think that many times you can't find YOU in the equation with your hand caught in the cookie jar. When are you gonna get tired of saying .. " that was a lesson learned"?
This has been a personal struggle for me as I find myself a walking example of someone that is discovering she needs to love self. You can love yourself to death over loving other people beyond what you can give and should give. You keep realizing that you grow more weary realizing that if you allow it, people will take, life will take from you and if you lack self love where is your replenishing reserve? Why are you giving away what you won't give yourself first. We want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and what about giving ourselves that? We don't understand the taking, but of what value does another see in taking from you if you don't give yourself any worth? It also becomes of no value to them in which maybe not maliciously, is mishandled without care. I am starting to see that how I love myself is how another will love me. It's a sobering estimate of myself that is hard to look at. I have become a personal martyr and in some twisted way find solace in the self sacrifice. Somehow it equates for me a back door means to find love and acceptance. I say backdoor because I haven't decided that love and acceptance coming through the front door is what I deserve. It's being face to face saying what I need and want and deserve, not because I had to "earn it" from anyone but they gave it to me willingly. It's honoring the truth in oneself to not manipulate through this self martyrdom, but to trust that you are more than enough. There is true wisdom within ourselves to have the discernment to create our own personal loving reality in us and our lives. We are beholden to nothing and freed to embrace everything we desire good in our lives. Yet, this is the greatest challenge many of us face.
It takes time to sit with oneself and be honest, yet it must be done. It takes focus to look into our own person and not at the other person. We can't keep running to the next fix without fixing ourselves. We don't want to keep coming back asking ourselves "why is this still happening"? or "why am I dating the same type of people" ? We don't want to keep saying that something was a lesson learned because we made unwise choices that got us there in the first place. It's time to stop perpetuating our old patterns and manifesting self sabotaging situations. As said many times no one can love you better than you. Sacrifice to let go of the world long enough to grab a hold of YOU and the love you deserve.
With soul,
Artistic soul
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Our Relationship To Men: The Dominating Influence?
One day after a few conversations surfaced about a couple different topics, there seemed to be this running theme and continuous thread in them.... MEN. As much as we want to at times be independent of them and find ourselves as women, we seem to find them integrated and rooted in the fabric of our subconscious. I find certain things in our lives are molded and fashioned after them or in reaction to them. Some many not agree with my views or perspectives on this, but in the simplicity of my mind's eye, it makes sense to me or at least worth bringing to the table of discussion.
I will take a few examples that I feel my discussion can lean on to carry some weight. Female Emcees, Pro choice/sexuality and the Gay and Lesbian Lifestyle. I will take them one by one. Won't go into length about them but touch on them just enough to give some food for thought. The first are Female Emcees.
Let's speak on Niki Minaj. Perhaps she's a worn out topic of discussion these days. She's both well loved or well hated on. She is known as our "black barbie" Recently, some beef arose with her and Little Kim and there are constant rumors of the distaste other female Emcees may have in their mouths about her. Definitely, there is the debate of her abilities and content in her lyrics and I am sure we can say her image is highly critcized. Full figured, crazy comparable style now being called the Lady Gaga of Rap, Bright lipstick and eye lashes for days. She's bubble gum cute and sassy. Yet what came to my mind when these feuds came up and looking over other female Emcees and what seemed to come out of everyone's mouth was.. "it's hard to be in this game as a WOMAN" as to compared to who I had to ask? hmmm... OHHHH as compared to a MAN. Ah I get it. I started to think. So are we comparing the content of lyrical genius and talent in relation to how it compares to a man? When did men become the standard for Rap? Bigger question is why can't there be a discussion about the world of female Emcees without there being this comparison? is there no success of a female emcee if it's not acknowledged by a man? I started to even recognize that other female Emcees would be hard on another not necessarily cuz of just lyrical content but how the content seemed to emulate the perhaps roughness and rawness of a man's. If it wasn't along that lines.. it didn't seem to carry weight. I started to think about alot of our admired ladies and I had to ask.. hmm is it necessary for her to feel she has to grab her crotch, show her goods like she trying to say she a woman, but then deliver lyrics with vulgarity. One may debate and say. "well hell men do it, why can't I!" And there in itself proves my point. What do we have to do with them when it comes to our validity in any arena of life. The world I know, makes it hard, but is it safe to say while we all try to praise woman's rights, feminism and individuality men are to us as darkness is to light. You can't have one without the other. It's all relative to.
Pro choice. Someone posted a amazing spoken word piece on this topic. One of the amazing hard hitting points made in this piece was how a man seemed to be the one delivering the verdict of what a woman is to do with her body when it came to child bearing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOV7RyHjl5c (the video link) Once again the debate and battle has arisen not out of the solo mouths of women who do not believe in choice but seems to be sparked through an undercurrent of protest from men. Women have had to allow their rights to be lobbied on capitol hill in response and rebuttle to a male dominated government. You ask.. how did this debate arise? You wonder as you listen to this spoken word piece who is this REALLY protecting? Where are the men in the responsibility of this picture? Why is it that WE as women must have rights taken so that some MEN can irresponsibly deny their part in conceiving? Again.. we are always having to respond as women as a "reaction" to the role and presence of a MAN. Our sexuality is always up for scrutinty and debate. A while back I posted the double standard of Ciara's "Ride' video being banned off of BET while Trey Songz could practically have sex in his video and he be praised. While I praised Ciara for having the guts to put it down like a "MAN" would, I have to ask myself even now.. why does she even have to make a video as such to prove a point? Or make the song " Like a boy" and the list can go on of women making these response songs as comebacks to a man.
Lastly, the Lesbian and Gay Culture. Primary focus, lesbian women and some of the manifestations of their characteristics being "male" in nature. This point has been debated upon with me as I am not as knowledgable in the lifestyle. I have been more and more exposed as my
diversity of friends have included this culture and lifestyle. So for me as a heterosexual woman, I see things with an eye of simplicity when I observe Lesbian women. There is this undeniable presence of masculinity that is expressed in a good population of Lesbian women. In my mind's eye I have had to ask, if some women chose to live a life in which they only like women, why are there so many that seem to portray the characteristics both outwardly and inwardly that are male? In genetics and in ourselves we are both male and female in energy. Ying and Yang. There is a possibility that we may express more masculine traits. Very understandable. For me I simply still say.. it's fine if your preference is a woman, but why is there this need to dress, act and emulate a man? I think there is more that makes a man other than the way he dresses or his mannerisms. I personally can feel as if I can have strong masculine inclinations in areas but I don't feel I have to dress or act as a man. So there poses the thought of why is there such this catergory that seems to arise in distinction of a very masculine woman and a feminine woman? Or even roles then seem to surface. Fact of the matter we are influenced by a very gender role set society. We all seem to fall in a catergory whether we like it or not. I feel that there many lesbian women that consciously choose to express themselves by choosing to dress and act as a male. Why are we so infatuated and fascinated in making their traits an option? Again we seem to "react" to the influence around us of the male presence. Even when there is this seperation of preference that a woman wants to be with a woman, somehow a MAN plays a very strong role.
So in the end this closes my thoughts that a reoccuring word I have brought up in this blog is "react or reaction" As well as viewing the role of Men in regards to us is as light is to dark. Women find it very challening to create a dialogue of debate, viewpoint, accomplishment and list can go on without the "reaction" to the influencing part of the MAN. It can be a cry for a cause in "spite" or "despite" of a MAN. Yet where do we stand alone as WOMEN? These are just random interesting thoughts that crossed my mind one day and perhaps they have crossed yours or maybe not about our relationship to men.
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
I will take a few examples that I feel my discussion can lean on to carry some weight. Female Emcees, Pro choice/sexuality and the Gay and Lesbian Lifestyle. I will take them one by one. Won't go into length about them but touch on them just enough to give some food for thought. The first are Female Emcees.
Let's speak on Niki Minaj. Perhaps she's a worn out topic of discussion these days. She's both well loved or well hated on. She is known as our "black barbie" Recently, some beef arose with her and Little Kim and there are constant rumors of the distaste other female Emcees may have in their mouths about her. Definitely, there is the debate of her abilities and content in her lyrics and I am sure we can say her image is highly critcized. Full figured, crazy comparable style now being called the Lady Gaga of Rap, Bright lipstick and eye lashes for days. She's bubble gum cute and sassy. Yet what came to my mind when these feuds came up and looking over other female Emcees and what seemed to come out of everyone's mouth was.. "it's hard to be in this game as a WOMAN" as to compared to who I had to ask? hmmm... OHHHH as compared to a MAN. Ah I get it. I started to think. So are we comparing the content of lyrical genius and talent in relation to how it compares to a man? When did men become the standard for Rap? Bigger question is why can't there be a discussion about the world of female Emcees without there being this comparison? is there no success of a female emcee if it's not acknowledged by a man? I started to even recognize that other female Emcees would be hard on another not necessarily cuz of just lyrical content but how the content seemed to emulate the perhaps roughness and rawness of a man's. If it wasn't along that lines.. it didn't seem to carry weight. I started to think about alot of our admired ladies and I had to ask.. hmm is it necessary for her to feel she has to grab her crotch, show her goods like she trying to say she a woman, but then deliver lyrics with vulgarity. One may debate and say. "well hell men do it, why can't I!" And there in itself proves my point. What do we have to do with them when it comes to our validity in any arena of life. The world I know, makes it hard, but is it safe to say while we all try to praise woman's rights, feminism and individuality men are to us as darkness is to light. You can't have one without the other. It's all relative to.
Pro choice. Someone posted a amazing spoken word piece on this topic. One of the amazing hard hitting points made in this piece was how a man seemed to be the one delivering the verdict of what a woman is to do with her body when it came to child bearing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOV7RyHjl5c (the video link) Once again the debate and battle has arisen not out of the solo mouths of women who do not believe in choice but seems to be sparked through an undercurrent of protest from men. Women have had to allow their rights to be lobbied on capitol hill in response and rebuttle to a male dominated government. You ask.. how did this debate arise? You wonder as you listen to this spoken word piece who is this REALLY protecting? Where are the men in the responsibility of this picture? Why is it that WE as women must have rights taken so that some MEN can irresponsibly deny their part in conceiving? Again.. we are always having to respond as women as a "reaction" to the role and presence of a MAN. Our sexuality is always up for scrutinty and debate. A while back I posted the double standard of Ciara's "Ride' video being banned off of BET while Trey Songz could practically have sex in his video and he be praised. While I praised Ciara for having the guts to put it down like a "MAN" would, I have to ask myself even now.. why does she even have to make a video as such to prove a point? Or make the song " Like a boy" and the list can go on of women making these response songs as comebacks to a man.
Lastly, the Lesbian and Gay Culture. Primary focus, lesbian women and some of the manifestations of their characteristics being "male" in nature. This point has been debated upon with me as I am not as knowledgable in the lifestyle. I have been more and more exposed as my
diversity of friends have included this culture and lifestyle. So for me as a heterosexual woman, I see things with an eye of simplicity when I observe Lesbian women. There is this undeniable presence of masculinity that is expressed in a good population of Lesbian women. In my mind's eye I have had to ask, if some women chose to live a life in which they only like women, why are there so many that seem to portray the characteristics both outwardly and inwardly that are male? In genetics and in ourselves we are both male and female in energy. Ying and Yang. There is a possibility that we may express more masculine traits. Very understandable. For me I simply still say.. it's fine if your preference is a woman, but why is there this need to dress, act and emulate a man? I think there is more that makes a man other than the way he dresses or his mannerisms. I personally can feel as if I can have strong masculine inclinations in areas but I don't feel I have to dress or act as a man. So there poses the thought of why is there such this catergory that seems to arise in distinction of a very masculine woman and a feminine woman? Or even roles then seem to surface. Fact of the matter we are influenced by a very gender role set society. We all seem to fall in a catergory whether we like it or not. I feel that there many lesbian women that consciously choose to express themselves by choosing to dress and act as a male. Why are we so infatuated and fascinated in making their traits an option? Again we seem to "react" to the influence around us of the male presence. Even when there is this seperation of preference that a woman wants to be with a woman, somehow a MAN plays a very strong role.
So in the end this closes my thoughts that a reoccuring word I have brought up in this blog is "react or reaction" As well as viewing the role of Men in regards to us is as light is to dark. Women find it very challening to create a dialogue of debate, viewpoint, accomplishment and list can go on without the "reaction" to the influencing part of the MAN. It can be a cry for a cause in "spite" or "despite" of a MAN. Yet where do we stand alone as WOMEN? These are just random interesting thoughts that crossed my mind one day and perhaps they have crossed yours or maybe not about our relationship to men.
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The New year: Entering Self and Leaving Behind Self
Apologies as I often take a long leave from blogging. I would say not by choice but that would not be truth as I can or can not blog. Perhaps this will be the new lesson of the year for me. We sometimes resist the feeling of "having to do anything" especially artistic expression of some sort. We feel that should flow freely from us. Some of us "work a job" everyday even if our dream job, so we hate to make this free expression a job so to speak. For me my mind thinks so much that I work myself into a frenzy thinking that I must set aside this indulged amount of time to write.. that I need time to somehow be consumed and lost in that. We are often such a slave to time. How often do we sit to embrace time and let it move slowly for us though the clock may move consistently as it often does minute by minute. We can't get that time back, so may we not have regrets of these minutes becoming days till we step upon a new year... 2011.
I am sure everyone has found inspiration to write their thoughts, reflect on 2010, make resolutions, make promises of change and look into the next year with longing eyes of hope. This year I had quite the solemn calm entrance into the new year. I almost felt like something was wrong. While people seemed to search for deep revelations and reflections and would pose the questions of " how was 2010 for you?" I really had to pause and think. There was the question of looking back and recognizing any pivotal changes or events that occurred that may have made a significant impact in my life. Did there have to be this evidence? Is it that there are these things that should occur in our lives and in grandiose fashions in our lives to make us compare and reflect? Did I just miss it? I felt I had to dig for answers. Was I just not paying close enough attention to the occurrences in my life? Perhaps they didn't rate on a scale of importance on my radar. We all have things in our lives that if we were to write them down and pass them around to the next person and rate them in order of importance, they'd all come out different. Perhaps this how I felt.
My greatest point to make and "reflect" upon is that EVERYDAY, is a "new" occurrence. The entrance into a new year is another day marked on the calendar. Although, astrologically change is always taking place in the our universe that shift our energies and usher in new waves of transitions, "new" is upon us everyday. How many resolutions have we made that we simply have not kept, promises broken, goals not met, opened eyes of new found revelation that closed over time as we wear down with the challenges of spiritual/life wear and tear. My blog is not a downer into the new year, but I hope for myself and readers a call to reassess how we celebrate the new year. We find the statement outfits and knock back the concoctions to numb us up more and find some cheer. We laugh and smile and romp around looking for a reason to start over again clueless to a reality before oneself. Many of us rush into the new year asking or begging deep down for a forgiveness of ourselves, a do-over pass, a removing of a mask only to find another waiting beneath. Did it ever occur to us that we come to this point every year hoping we can leave the last one behind? Though some of us actually can acknowledge and celebrate the past year with appreciation and clarity.. through the good and bad. So many of us wait for this new year as if a clock re starter, but wonder if we were conscious of our days everyday that there was no need to be in the same position the next year? Did we ever think about maintenance.. self maintenance throughout our whole journey of the year? Taking the time to continuously reflect and grow. To be confident in making more clear directed decisions that would impact our lives in a forward motion. We will always have self work, but wouldn't it be nice to make that load lighter as to not burden the new year with expectations. Hmmmm.. my doesn't that even cross the topic of personal intimate relationships? Self work, lessening loads, no expectations.. So interesting how certain life lessons and principles permeate all areas important in our lives: jobs, love, family, career and self.
In case you are missing my thoughts. It would be the challenge this year to not wait till the end of the year, ushering in the next with such climatic expectations and disposed of past experiences. Change, decisions, perspectives, reflections, lessons, growth and the list can go on can be an everyday happening. The first day of the year is not magical in the reality realm. You will wake up with a "new" day, roll out of bed, brush your teeth, breakfast and whatever your daily routine you created. Money will not suddenly perhaps appear in your bank account, an amazing partner you so longed for will not just manifest next to you and you may not pop up in the lush island paradise you so dream of, but it's another day. What is magical about it is the new day of making an everyday dull choice to us a stepping stone to greatness. Greatness as defined by us and whatever that may be. It's all about perspective. What in simplicity can create grandeur in your world. What will make you feel good? make you evolve in your mind and soul? Try not to place weighted expectations on yourself that you will punish yourself later for not meeting. Baby steps of faith in the direction of our decisions and lives can become leaps and bounds. We have to celebrate in the "initiation" process. We have to be resolved in the "intention" process and then from there.. it's truly not in our control. There's nothing wrong with looking back on the past year to reflect, but let it be a productive look back. Let the journey not feel like there was such great chasms along the way, but let there be progression. For some reason a farmer popped in my head and I am a city girl by heart, but I tried to place myself in their minds. Many farmers or anyone that toils on land are some of the most grateful people. This is my opinion. They have to labor their hands in the soil and their sweat waters their crops. Yet they do it out of both necessity and love. Necessity to survive and love for life and living. Every decision they make creates an impact on their crops. Every seed they plant is hope for the future result of the crop. They have to water, care and maintain daily as even every crop is different. They have no control over the climate and conditions that will lay over their land. They have no promise of the end results. Yet they have to wake up every morning and labor, many times before we can even fathom opening our eyes. There are no breaks and though the labor tedious there is a love and bond to their land. For in the end there is nothing like the HARVEST. They truly can look back and know that they labored throughout without fail letting their mistakes mingle with successes but it all came to an end result. Sometimes there are failed harvest and others not, but I can be sure that there still can be a resolve that they toiled from their soul everyday. Everyday was a truth labor of love. It's not just the physical manifestation but the spiritual lesson in this all.
Keeping grounded is the challenge to labor in love everyday with self. Create a new you everyday since no day is truly the same. My New years was as it wanted to be and how I simply felt. I trusted that things played out as they should. There was no desire to evoke or push what was not there. My year had it's ups and downs with lessons piggybacking along the way. There were memorable times and times I look back and want to forget. You can choose to bring in this new year and first day however you feel. I have chosen to challenge myself to acknowledge my feelings during this time and embrace why I feel as I do. Let it guide me into thinking about exactly all I have stated in this blog. To make no expectations on the new year, no promises, no goals too far to reach. Yet to have hope to look forward to the next day. We often have the habit of wanting to look "ahead" we have trouble looking into the NOW which in the end makes up the future we so want to know about. Funny thing is then we are surprised by the end results of the future. That's humorous. Tomorrow is not promised why not live today. The creator and universe are so full of surprises. We can make plans and we are allowed to.. some of them come to fruition and like many of us come to see our plans sometimes get changed. Lessons come we didn't expect and growth comes in the oddities of time. Let's just be open. Don't be afraid to accept where we are in life, in our thoughts and feelings. When we create acceptance then the very things we are striving for are the things we can work through and forward with. In the end instead of the END to the start of BEGINNING.. there is simply a HARVEST. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!
with soul,
Artistic Soul
I am sure everyone has found inspiration to write their thoughts, reflect on 2010, make resolutions, make promises of change and look into the next year with longing eyes of hope. This year I had quite the solemn calm entrance into the new year. I almost felt like something was wrong. While people seemed to search for deep revelations and reflections and would pose the questions of " how was 2010 for you?" I really had to pause and think. There was the question of looking back and recognizing any pivotal changes or events that occurred that may have made a significant impact in my life. Did there have to be this evidence? Is it that there are these things that should occur in our lives and in grandiose fashions in our lives to make us compare and reflect? Did I just miss it? I felt I had to dig for answers. Was I just not paying close enough attention to the occurrences in my life? Perhaps they didn't rate on a scale of importance on my radar. We all have things in our lives that if we were to write them down and pass them around to the next person and rate them in order of importance, they'd all come out different. Perhaps this how I felt.
My greatest point to make and "reflect" upon is that EVERYDAY, is a "new" occurrence. The entrance into a new year is another day marked on the calendar. Although, astrologically change is always taking place in the our universe that shift our energies and usher in new waves of transitions, "new" is upon us everyday. How many resolutions have we made that we simply have not kept, promises broken, goals not met, opened eyes of new found revelation that closed over time as we wear down with the challenges of spiritual/life wear and tear. My blog is not a downer into the new year, but I hope for myself and readers a call to reassess how we celebrate the new year. We find the statement outfits and knock back the concoctions to numb us up more and find some cheer. We laugh and smile and romp around looking for a reason to start over again clueless to a reality before oneself. Many of us rush into the new year asking or begging deep down for a forgiveness of ourselves, a do-over pass, a removing of a mask only to find another waiting beneath. Did it ever occur to us that we come to this point every year hoping we can leave the last one behind? Though some of us actually can acknowledge and celebrate the past year with appreciation and clarity.. through the good and bad. So many of us wait for this new year as if a clock re starter, but wonder if we were conscious of our days everyday that there was no need to be in the same position the next year? Did we ever think about maintenance.. self maintenance throughout our whole journey of the year? Taking the time to continuously reflect and grow. To be confident in making more clear directed decisions that would impact our lives in a forward motion. We will always have self work, but wouldn't it be nice to make that load lighter as to not burden the new year with expectations. Hmmmm.. my doesn't that even cross the topic of personal intimate relationships? Self work, lessening loads, no expectations.. So interesting how certain life lessons and principles permeate all areas important in our lives: jobs, love, family, career and self.
In case you are missing my thoughts. It would be the challenge this year to not wait till the end of the year, ushering in the next with such climatic expectations and disposed of past experiences. Change, decisions, perspectives, reflections, lessons, growth and the list can go on can be an everyday happening. The first day of the year is not magical in the reality realm. You will wake up with a "new" day, roll out of bed, brush your teeth, breakfast and whatever your daily routine you created. Money will not suddenly perhaps appear in your bank account, an amazing partner you so longed for will not just manifest next to you and you may not pop up in the lush island paradise you so dream of, but it's another day. What is magical about it is the new day of making an everyday dull choice to us a stepping stone to greatness. Greatness as defined by us and whatever that may be. It's all about perspective. What in simplicity can create grandeur in your world. What will make you feel good? make you evolve in your mind and soul? Try not to place weighted expectations on yourself that you will punish yourself later for not meeting. Baby steps of faith in the direction of our decisions and lives can become leaps and bounds. We have to celebrate in the "initiation" process. We have to be resolved in the "intention" process and then from there.. it's truly not in our control. There's nothing wrong with looking back on the past year to reflect, but let it be a productive look back. Let the journey not feel like there was such great chasms along the way, but let there be progression. For some reason a farmer popped in my head and I am a city girl by heart, but I tried to place myself in their minds. Many farmers or anyone that toils on land are some of the most grateful people. This is my opinion. They have to labor their hands in the soil and their sweat waters their crops. Yet they do it out of both necessity and love. Necessity to survive and love for life and living. Every decision they make creates an impact on their crops. Every seed they plant is hope for the future result of the crop. They have to water, care and maintain daily as even every crop is different. They have no control over the climate and conditions that will lay over their land. They have no promise of the end results. Yet they have to wake up every morning and labor, many times before we can even fathom opening our eyes. There are no breaks and though the labor tedious there is a love and bond to their land. For in the end there is nothing like the HARVEST. They truly can look back and know that they labored throughout without fail letting their mistakes mingle with successes but it all came to an end result. Sometimes there are failed harvest and others not, but I can be sure that there still can be a resolve that they toiled from their soul everyday. Everyday was a truth labor of love. It's not just the physical manifestation but the spiritual lesson in this all.
Keeping grounded is the challenge to labor in love everyday with self. Create a new you everyday since no day is truly the same. My New years was as it wanted to be and how I simply felt. I trusted that things played out as they should. There was no desire to evoke or push what was not there. My year had it's ups and downs with lessons piggybacking along the way. There were memorable times and times I look back and want to forget. You can choose to bring in this new year and first day however you feel. I have chosen to challenge myself to acknowledge my feelings during this time and embrace why I feel as I do. Let it guide me into thinking about exactly all I have stated in this blog. To make no expectations on the new year, no promises, no goals too far to reach. Yet to have hope to look forward to the next day. We often have the habit of wanting to look "ahead" we have trouble looking into the NOW which in the end makes up the future we so want to know about. Funny thing is then we are surprised by the end results of the future. That's humorous. Tomorrow is not promised why not live today. The creator and universe are so full of surprises. We can make plans and we are allowed to.. some of them come to fruition and like many of us come to see our plans sometimes get changed. Lessons come we didn't expect and growth comes in the oddities of time. Let's just be open. Don't be afraid to accept where we are in life, in our thoughts and feelings. When we create acceptance then the very things we are striving for are the things we can work through and forward with. In the end instead of the END to the start of BEGINNING.. there is simply a HARVEST. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Is it All about a Title?
A good friend recently writes this to me: "No longer do I want to hold back my true self from those I know, love and want to love. No longer do I want to rush, doubt or "own". I believe that we are socialized to feel that when we meet someone special and amazing that we could possibly see ourselves with we automatically want to "own them". Whether it be by marrying them, giving them a promise ring or putting a title on the relationship. But what do these titles or acts truly do to us or make us feel or feel entitled to? I've never been married nor do I ever want to be but I do know that when I am truly feeling something for someone and it is reciprocated I want to call them my boo and I want it to be monogamous. I think my concern of a title on a relationship such as "girlfriend/boyfriend" rises from my need for monogamy from the person I am seeing.
So I ask is it all about the title? Do you find yourself asking these same questions or obsessing over this very issue. Does TITLE=OWNERSHIP. We have to ask can you truly own someone like a material possession and if your mind is always inclined to lean towards owning the significant other in your life, as my friend said what does this entitle you to? It's amazing how the value of words can hold so much power and yet be so mutable at the same time they can often be of no worth and yet mean everything. Nothing permeates so strongly in us than the word we try to find to somehow distinguish a person in a romantic relationship being more than just a "friend". Then there lies in itself another issue.. how fast we try to run from that word.. "friend" when that's the very thing that should really be the rooting foundation of a committed relationship. Then we wonder why there are so many issues. Somehow psychologically there is a magical switch that happens that makes one journey from friendship into the new coveted world of relationship "titles" the golden egg. It is the end all be all final end result. Both should co exist but one seems to become lesser, almost obsolete. We run after the title like we are on the corner tryin to score crack. We get addicted, obsessed, crazy, possessive, suspicious, paranoid, schizophrenic even so much our significant other is trying to figure out how they ended up front row seat to the exorcist movie. That may seem a bit extreme to say but it can often feel this way for many of us.
How exciting are the butterfly filled twinges in our stomachs when we meet someone. We feel like a kid waiting for Christmas morning,except we want this feeling everyday. So then there goes the mind..we have come to the point we realize we don't want the other person to so much as breathe without us there. Wait then we start to realize wait we don't want them to even breathe in the same direction of another either. We start to keep a running log of how much we are now investing in this situation and what the return should be and since we are doing so, isn't it fair that they be dedicated to us to be only ours? Isn't it fair we have full control of this situation? It's as if we lay down a contract on the table and say "hurry up and sign right there on the dotted line, never mind the small print. So what can that small print entail we may ask....
It can entail many things... things that you don't see about the other. Things that you don't WANT to see about the other. The invisible promise to live the happily ever after clause. The bag of luggage piled up in the corner that's yours and theirs from the previous. The list can go on and perhaps one of the most microscopic print in the contract, we really don't want someone to see is our FEAR. Fear of losing that person, fear or giving and not getting back, fear of not being the only one that's most able to make them happy, fear if they really get to know us they may not love us unconditionally the way we want. We think money is the root of all evil. I beg to differ that often times and in this case, FEAR is. The lack of ability to trust in the god given will of a person to choose to love you simply because they want to and there are no bells and whistles attached to you. Just all you... Why are we so afraid of letting go, that we want to hold on to something so tight that does not belong to us. What makes us feel so good about wanting to have rights to another, to own rights to who they are and all that they are. I would like to know in the real essence of it all..what is it that makes it all truly binding? Aren't these again but WORDS... we remember above what was said about words....
So what do you we think we gain out of owning another by title? the boo, the girlfriend, the wifie etc. In honesty, not even in the lawful contractual so called binding institution of marriage is there any guarantees that makes another YOURS. Have we not learned our lesson as to stop and think about the increasing divorce rate? while some fight to make it sacred, the value system and marriage sanctity that was so once upheld is fast deteriorating. We have become so obsessed to posses that we are insatiable in our appetites to consume more than one person in our lives.. we start with one and the urge becomes so uncontrollable to own another, that one person is simply not enough. Why do we think that loving someone or a relationship is so much different then a human's desire today to consume material wealth? We have bonded the two together. Material is in the same catergory as love.. we treat it as a commodity. We sometimes leave the price tag on a person so we can give it back if we don't want them. How have we come to thinking that people in our lives can be so disposable?
So does it profit to own your significant? In reality no.. nothing belongs to us in this life, it's but on borrow status. We should but only feel so blessed. If a piece of paper, an eye popping wedding band you spent all your life savings on or you been waiting on won't lock down the fidelity of another or make someone love you more, then why do we think we can in any way place all our hope, worth and expectations in a 'title"? Wait! Did we find another culprit word to throw in the mix? Yes EXPECTATIONS..
Another disillusioned mind trip we go on is expecting that when someone takes on this new role under this now "special" title, they will be all we want them to be for us. They will take on every pain, shortcoming, inadequacy, fantasy, hope and dream we have. We pile on a huge load onto the soldiers of our significant other. This is another major killer en route to a healthy relationship. Expectations. In the title comes expectations. So now thus far we have labeled, owned, and expected. My we sound super arrogant and bossy don't we for people that just want a loving relationship. Let's not forget to add on the green eyed bandit that makes it's debut in us. So is it really all worth this expended energy? Do we really want to take ourselves through this unnecessary transformation into something we don't want to become. Where we almost have to ask who we are when all of it goes down because we often don't know what came over us.
We need to release, let go. We need to trust in the evolution that comes in the flow between you and the your significant. Trust that there is a deeper connection that goes beyond our attachment and possession of another. Trust and open our eyes and hearts to see that the face of loving someone and them loving you in return, is not ridden with worry lines, bugged green eyes, hunched shoulders of insecurities, wrinkles of fear and lost expectations. Never should it be this way yet many of us live it everyday. Now is it special to hear " that's my or meet my..." you fill in the blank. Yes is there something you feel in which you need to know the level has changed and it's time to make it "official" that all we give is between now just you and the other. Yes all these things are real and valid. It makes complete sense. But it's when all we are doing is missing out on enjoying the person, each moment, each day, each nuance of the growth of this new friendship and connection.. this is the issue. It's no different than saying one is " in love with being in love" some of us want to own to own. It's become as my friend says .. the world's standards. All we know in functioning in the development of a relationship is how to own. We know there is A and we are trying to get to Z. So I ask what happened to the rest of the alphabets? if you forget those we can't form words, no words, then no sentences, no sentences, then no conversation. Just think of that... Silence.
It all takes time, let it come.. this blog is just as much a self reflection as it is a open forum. We all need to remember that it's not all about the end destination, it's about the journey in between. Then one day you will suddenly realize perhaps you are exactly where you truly and sincerely wanted to always be with that significant other. So next time you can't turn the obsessing frown upside down, just ask... is it all about a TITLE?
with soul,
artistic soul
So I ask is it all about the title? Do you find yourself asking these same questions or obsessing over this very issue. Does TITLE=OWNERSHIP. We have to ask can you truly own someone like a material possession and if your mind is always inclined to lean towards owning the significant other in your life, as my friend said what does this entitle you to? It's amazing how the value of words can hold so much power and yet be so mutable at the same time they can often be of no worth and yet mean everything. Nothing permeates so strongly in us than the word we try to find to somehow distinguish a person in a romantic relationship being more than just a "friend". Then there lies in itself another issue.. how fast we try to run from that word.. "friend" when that's the very thing that should really be the rooting foundation of a committed relationship. Then we wonder why there are so many issues. Somehow psychologically there is a magical switch that happens that makes one journey from friendship into the new coveted world of relationship "titles" the golden egg. It is the end all be all final end result. Both should co exist but one seems to become lesser, almost obsolete. We run after the title like we are on the corner tryin to score crack. We get addicted, obsessed, crazy, possessive, suspicious, paranoid, schizophrenic even so much our significant other is trying to figure out how they ended up front row seat to the exorcist movie. That may seem a bit extreme to say but it can often feel this way for many of us.
How exciting are the butterfly filled twinges in our stomachs when we meet someone. We feel like a kid waiting for Christmas morning,except we want this feeling everyday. So then there goes the mind..we have come to the point we realize we don't want the other person to so much as breathe without us there. Wait then we start to realize wait we don't want them to even breathe in the same direction of another either. We start to keep a running log of how much we are now investing in this situation and what the return should be and since we are doing so, isn't it fair that they be dedicated to us to be only ours? Isn't it fair we have full control of this situation? It's as if we lay down a contract on the table and say "hurry up and sign right there on the dotted line, never mind the small print. So what can that small print entail we may ask....
It can entail many things... things that you don't see about the other. Things that you don't WANT to see about the other. The invisible promise to live the happily ever after clause. The bag of luggage piled up in the corner that's yours and theirs from the previous. The list can go on and perhaps one of the most microscopic print in the contract, we really don't want someone to see is our FEAR. Fear of losing that person, fear or giving and not getting back, fear of not being the only one that's most able to make them happy, fear if they really get to know us they may not love us unconditionally the way we want. We think money is the root of all evil. I beg to differ that often times and in this case, FEAR is. The lack of ability to trust in the god given will of a person to choose to love you simply because they want to and there are no bells and whistles attached to you. Just all you... Why are we so afraid of letting go, that we want to hold on to something so tight that does not belong to us. What makes us feel so good about wanting to have rights to another, to own rights to who they are and all that they are. I would like to know in the real essence of it all..what is it that makes it all truly binding? Aren't these again but WORDS... we remember above what was said about words....
So what do you we think we gain out of owning another by title? the boo, the girlfriend, the wifie etc. In honesty, not even in the lawful contractual so called binding institution of marriage is there any guarantees that makes another YOURS. Have we not learned our lesson as to stop and think about the increasing divorce rate? while some fight to make it sacred, the value system and marriage sanctity that was so once upheld is fast deteriorating. We have become so obsessed to posses that we are insatiable in our appetites to consume more than one person in our lives.. we start with one and the urge becomes so uncontrollable to own another, that one person is simply not enough. Why do we think that loving someone or a relationship is so much different then a human's desire today to consume material wealth? We have bonded the two together. Material is in the same catergory as love.. we treat it as a commodity. We sometimes leave the price tag on a person so we can give it back if we don't want them. How have we come to thinking that people in our lives can be so disposable?
So does it profit to own your significant? In reality no.. nothing belongs to us in this life, it's but on borrow status. We should but only feel so blessed. If a piece of paper, an eye popping wedding band you spent all your life savings on or you been waiting on won't lock down the fidelity of another or make someone love you more, then why do we think we can in any way place all our hope, worth and expectations in a 'title"? Wait! Did we find another culprit word to throw in the mix? Yes EXPECTATIONS..
Another disillusioned mind trip we go on is expecting that when someone takes on this new role under this now "special" title, they will be all we want them to be for us. They will take on every pain, shortcoming, inadequacy, fantasy, hope and dream we have. We pile on a huge load onto the soldiers of our significant other. This is another major killer en route to a healthy relationship. Expectations. In the title comes expectations. So now thus far we have labeled, owned, and expected. My we sound super arrogant and bossy don't we for people that just want a loving relationship. Let's not forget to add on the green eyed bandit that makes it's debut in us. So is it really all worth this expended energy? Do we really want to take ourselves through this unnecessary transformation into something we don't want to become. Where we almost have to ask who we are when all of it goes down because we often don't know what came over us.
We need to release, let go. We need to trust in the evolution that comes in the flow between you and the your significant. Trust that there is a deeper connection that goes beyond our attachment and possession of another. Trust and open our eyes and hearts to see that the face of loving someone and them loving you in return, is not ridden with worry lines, bugged green eyes, hunched shoulders of insecurities, wrinkles of fear and lost expectations. Never should it be this way yet many of us live it everyday. Now is it special to hear " that's my or meet my..." you fill in the blank. Yes is there something you feel in which you need to know the level has changed and it's time to make it "official" that all we give is between now just you and the other. Yes all these things are real and valid. It makes complete sense. But it's when all we are doing is missing out on enjoying the person, each moment, each day, each nuance of the growth of this new friendship and connection.. this is the issue. It's no different than saying one is " in love with being in love" some of us want to own to own. It's become as my friend says .. the world's standards. All we know in functioning in the development of a relationship is how to own. We know there is A and we are trying to get to Z. So I ask what happened to the rest of the alphabets? if you forget those we can't form words, no words, then no sentences, no sentences, then no conversation. Just think of that... Silence.
It all takes time, let it come.. this blog is just as much a self reflection as it is a open forum. We all need to remember that it's not all about the end destination, it's about the journey in between. Then one day you will suddenly realize perhaps you are exactly where you truly and sincerely wanted to always be with that significant other. So next time you can't turn the obsessing frown upside down, just ask... is it all about a TITLE?
with soul,
artistic soul
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