A good friend recently writes this to me: "No longer do I want to hold back my true self from those I know, love and want to love. No longer do I want to rush, doubt or "own". I believe that we are socialized to feel that when we meet someone special and amazing that we could possibly see ourselves with we automatically want to "own them". Whether it be by marrying them, giving them a promise ring or putting a title on the relationship. But what do these titles or acts truly do to us or make us feel or feel entitled to? I've never been married nor do I ever want to be but I do know that when I am truly feeling something for someone and it is reciprocated I want to call them my boo and I want it to be monogamous. I think my concern of a title on a relationship such as "girlfriend/boyfriend" rises from my need for monogamy from the person I am seeing.
So I ask is it all about the title? Do you find yourself asking these same questions or obsessing over this very issue. Does TITLE=OWNERSHIP. We have to ask can you truly own someone like a material possession and if your mind is always inclined to lean towards owning the significant other in your life, as my friend said what does this entitle you to? It's amazing how the value of words can hold so much power and yet be so mutable at the same time they can often be of no worth and yet mean everything. Nothing permeates so strongly in us than the word we try to find to somehow distinguish a person in a romantic relationship being more than just a "friend". Then there lies in itself another issue.. how fast we try to run from that word.. "friend" when that's the very thing that should really be the rooting foundation of a committed relationship. Then we wonder why there are so many issues. Somehow psychologically there is a magical switch that happens that makes one journey from friendship into the new coveted world of relationship "titles" the golden egg. It is the end all be all final end result. Both should co exist but one seems to become lesser, almost obsolete. We run after the title like we are on the corner tryin to score crack. We get addicted, obsessed, crazy, possessive, suspicious, paranoid, schizophrenic even so much our significant other is trying to figure out how they ended up front row seat to the exorcist movie. That may seem a bit extreme to say but it can often feel this way for many of us.
How exciting are the butterfly filled twinges in our stomachs when we meet someone. We feel like a kid waiting for Christmas morning,except we want this feeling everyday. So then there goes the mind..we have come to the point we realize we don't want the other person to so much as breathe without us there. Wait then we start to realize wait we don't want them to even breathe in the same direction of another either. We start to keep a running log of how much we are now investing in this situation and what the return should be and since we are doing so, isn't it fair that they be dedicated to us to be only ours? Isn't it fair we have full control of this situation? It's as if we lay down a contract on the table and say "hurry up and sign right there on the dotted line, never mind the small print. So what can that small print entail we may ask....
It can entail many things... things that you don't see about the other. Things that you don't WANT to see about the other. The invisible promise to live the happily ever after clause. The bag of luggage piled up in the corner that's yours and theirs from the previous. The list can go on and perhaps one of the most microscopic print in the contract, we really don't want someone to see is our FEAR. Fear of losing that person, fear or giving and not getting back, fear of not being the only one that's most able to make them happy, fear if they really get to know us they may not love us unconditionally the way we want. We think money is the root of all evil. I beg to differ that often times and in this case, FEAR is. The lack of ability to trust in the god given will of a person to choose to love you simply because they want to and there are no bells and whistles attached to you. Just all you... Why are we so afraid of letting go, that we want to hold on to something so tight that does not belong to us. What makes us feel so good about wanting to have rights to another, to own rights to who they are and all that they are. I would like to know in the real essence of it all..what is it that makes it all truly binding? Aren't these again but WORDS... we remember above what was said about words....
So what do you we think we gain out of owning another by title? the boo, the girlfriend, the wifie etc. In honesty, not even in the lawful contractual so called binding institution of marriage is there any guarantees that makes another YOURS. Have we not learned our lesson as to stop and think about the increasing divorce rate? while some fight to make it sacred, the value system and marriage sanctity that was so once upheld is fast deteriorating. We have become so obsessed to posses that we are insatiable in our appetites to consume more than one person in our lives.. we start with one and the urge becomes so uncontrollable to own another, that one person is simply not enough. Why do we think that loving someone or a relationship is so much different then a human's desire today to consume material wealth? We have bonded the two together. Material is in the same catergory as love.. we treat it as a commodity. We sometimes leave the price tag on a person so we can give it back if we don't want them. How have we come to thinking that people in our lives can be so disposable?
So does it profit to own your significant? In reality no.. nothing belongs to us in this life, it's but on borrow status. We should but only feel so blessed. If a piece of paper, an eye popping wedding band you spent all your life savings on or you been waiting on won't lock down the fidelity of another or make someone love you more, then why do we think we can in any way place all our hope, worth and expectations in a 'title"? Wait! Did we find another culprit word to throw in the mix? Yes EXPECTATIONS..
Another disillusioned mind trip we go on is expecting that when someone takes on this new role under this now "special" title, they will be all we want them to be for us. They will take on every pain, shortcoming, inadequacy, fantasy, hope and dream we have. We pile on a huge load onto the soldiers of our significant other. This is another major killer en route to a healthy relationship. Expectations. In the title comes expectations. So now thus far we have labeled, owned, and expected. My we sound super arrogant and bossy don't we for people that just want a loving relationship. Let's not forget to add on the green eyed bandit that makes it's debut in us. So is it really all worth this expended energy? Do we really want to take ourselves through this unnecessary transformation into something we don't want to become. Where we almost have to ask who we are when all of it goes down because we often don't know what came over us.
We need to release, let go. We need to trust in the evolution that comes in the flow between you and the your significant. Trust that there is a deeper connection that goes beyond our attachment and possession of another. Trust and open our eyes and hearts to see that the face of loving someone and them loving you in return, is not ridden with worry lines, bugged green eyes, hunched shoulders of insecurities, wrinkles of fear and lost expectations. Never should it be this way yet many of us live it everyday. Now is it special to hear " that's my or meet my..." you fill in the blank. Yes is there something you feel in which you need to know the level has changed and it's time to make it "official" that all we give is between now just you and the other. Yes all these things are real and valid. It makes complete sense. But it's when all we are doing is missing out on enjoying the person, each moment, each day, each nuance of the growth of this new friendship and connection.. this is the issue. It's no different than saying one is " in love with being in love" some of us want to own to own. It's become as my friend says .. the world's standards. All we know in functioning in the development of a relationship is how to own. We know there is A and we are trying to get to Z. So I ask what happened to the rest of the alphabets? if you forget those we can't form words, no words, then no sentences, no sentences, then no conversation. Just think of that... Silence.
It all takes time, let it come.. this blog is just as much a self reflection as it is a open forum. We all need to remember that it's not all about the end destination, it's about the journey in between. Then one day you will suddenly realize perhaps you are exactly where you truly and sincerely wanted to always be with that significant other. So next time you can't turn the obsessing frown upside down, just ask... is it all about a TITLE?
with soul,
artistic soul
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
To Own or Not to Own is the Question: Cultural Appropriation
APPROPRIATION: 1. the act of setting apart or taking for one's own use 2.a deliberate act of acquisition of something, often without the permission of the owner
"Permission of the owner..." A debatable context of words when you are not talking about monetary appropriation but cultural appropriation. Dance is the topic that comes to surface since this is the world in which I work in and with that I will discuss. It's a passionate and sometimes convoluted subject.
In the recent, this topic of appropriation has been a very involved discussion amongst friends who are also fellow dancers. We all represent a wide spectrum of cultural diversity and find ourselves facing a personal responsibility to explore our viewpoints in this matter. In these discussions I came across my own new found revelation about the the topic of cultural appropriation. Often times there can be this pre disposed assumption that one race outside another are the ones that mostly appropriate of other cultures. I recently saw an incident in a video of a dance group made up of mostly puerto rican and perhaps other latino/a dancers name their video a particular dance genre from Puerto Rico and grossly misrepresent the art form. I found myself saying "wow it's not only those outside a race, but people of color in their particular race are appropriating their own culture." These people are creating this misrepresentation yet there is this privilege or entitlement that is attached that seems to give them license to do so. It's not that it's given to them but it seems to be taken. But do they really know what they are taking?
There is a double edged sword that has developed it seems asking which is the worse or lesser crime in this matter when it comes to who does the appropriating. Yet, First begins the question of ownership. Does an art form such as a particular dance and it's traditions depending on geographical location belong to a certain race of people? Is there a purity in its inception? Some would debate that question of purity, saying that there is a melting pot causing a racial ambiguity in our racial lineages. Yet there are some unmistakable identities when it comes to dances and origins. For instance, African culture has permeated throughout time, crossing border lines of countries, influencing cultures in music and dance. It is one of the most appropriated cultures in many countries including the United States. Yet do many Africans today have the right to call certain genres of dance their own and state claim whether it's an entire dance form or a contribution they made? If not why not and why not feel a certain protectiveness over it without being considered racist or ostracizing. Do they have the right to feel angry that certain dance forms are being misrepresented and taken out of context. There is a miseducation and lack of integrity on the parts of those that choose to adapt these cultural dance art forms. It is running rampant and I would say people are running a muck. It has caused myself and my fellow dancers to take a deep evaluation in how we represent and express certain dance genres. It's equally become a point of frustration for those of us that do make concerted efforts to learn and represent cultural dances with respect and integrity.
Easy come, easy go people find it "easy" to bounce in and out of cultures but do little to educate themselves on the history of many cultures. Many want the benefits and the results that come from the com modification of cultural art forms. People don't want to be in the skin of some nor appreciate.. but the talents or what one has are. No one wants to walk in their shoes.. but they want what they have to offer. No one wants to see the grit and grim of how certain songs or dances were born in cultures and what sacrifices were made to make them. Many art forms such as dance have been born out of pain, struggle and life. Many fail to see or acknowledge that. Yet they find it so easy to take... take and take. Never giving back and showing an injustice. I looked at video after video of dances on the city streets in Colombia. I then started to think..this dance Mapale with clear origins in the African culture has become a poor peoples "commodification" for the sightseers and tourists. The onlookers watch and pitch money at the dark skinned young men and women that hustle and dance with fervor to earn a living in the the city tourist attractions. They have had to take their cultural dances and become the jigaboos and minstrel sideshows like african americans in the US often had to. You then have to ask and who made the profit? who saw the profit? Well I beg to differ it would be them.... It also sheds a whole new light on people here in the US that throw together a half assed performance of the same Mapale dance at a local festival when you think of the immense talent and yet struggle of the young kids over in Colombia. Hmm.. all I can do is shake my head. Do you get the picture? These things I take issue with with a deep passionate distaste in my mouth of those that "take it and fake it".
For those of us that do choose to delve into another culture not only is there a personal responsibility one must have, but an empathy and yet resilience in one's skin to take the possible criticisms and disapproval for doing so. For some of us it simply resonates with our soul to relate to other cultures. There is no shame or blame in that as the soul has no color... what it expresses is the essence of who we are when true. But personal responsibility I must repeat must take place to respect. I have had to take my own advice in all this as I have had my own personal experiences as an "African American Black" woman not a "Afro Latin" woman who performs other cultural dances outside of my own. Big difference to some. I know people wonder why I am teaching salsa, dance it etc. I know that my dreds and skin are not as highly liked on that stages or palable to the audiences in the Salsa World I travel. We get sorta dismissed so to speak. Someone is always looking for a reason for it to be ok to do what I do. I get " soo.. are you dominican? " I have learned to laugh and say " no.. I am black" They proceed like they still don't get it or missed what I just said.. They then ask " where you from? and where are your parents from" I say, " my parents are both black" They still look at me blankly.. I find I have to say " I grew up in NY some in Spanish Harlem.. a puerto rican and black neighborhood" then... only then i get " oooooooo see that's why! " or " you MUST have something in you" I have learned to laugh.. But in reality.. I am like.. why must I be anything but what I am? I mean i feel flattered in some ways.. then I think deeply sometimes and think.. what? what does all that mean.. LOL! why do I Have to give a full report and figure out how to appease someone about my race and background? Or the nasty ass looks I get when I am dancing at times like.. "who she think she is? or what she think she know or why is she doing that? " I think what always comes up for me is that I always have to remind myself of the world I live in and to be mindful of it. We may be one creature in nature in our inner selves, but the world defines us differently and right off .. it's the color of our skin. Unfortunate as it may be.. this is the reality we live in. It is always a constant battle to redefine.. and try to shift thought and perspectives of others to change their way of thinking.. Yet there will always be this sort of box people will check off and they don't care about the "other" box.
I take it seriously to try not to "take it and fake it". I don't own what I dance in it's cultural form, but I own how I dance it. That belongs to me and no one can take that away. It has been a labor of love to be appropriate and not appropriate. I hope there can continue to be a conscious shift and awareness in the decisions we make when we move through cultures. To take our thoughts and constructively let our bodies express truth in a message of transformation in how we respect one another and the skin we were born in. To acknowledge struggles that have built bridges so that we MAY have the opportunity to break bread at the table of cultural uniformity and yet respect individuality. Let us take note.. and take a sober estimate that it is all bigger than us and a greater work at hand.. OWN your own work and who you are and ask yourself: To own or Not to own.. is the question.
"Permission of the owner..." A debatable context of words when you are not talking about monetary appropriation but cultural appropriation. Dance is the topic that comes to surface since this is the world in which I work in and with that I will discuss. It's a passionate and sometimes convoluted subject.
In the recent, this topic of appropriation has been a very involved discussion amongst friends who are also fellow dancers. We all represent a wide spectrum of cultural diversity and find ourselves facing a personal responsibility to explore our viewpoints in this matter. In these discussions I came across my own new found revelation about the the topic of cultural appropriation. Often times there can be this pre disposed assumption that one race outside another are the ones that mostly appropriate of other cultures. I recently saw an incident in a video of a dance group made up of mostly puerto rican and perhaps other latino/a dancers name their video a particular dance genre from Puerto Rico and grossly misrepresent the art form. I found myself saying "wow it's not only those outside a race, but people of color in their particular race are appropriating their own culture." These people are creating this misrepresentation yet there is this privilege or entitlement that is attached that seems to give them license to do so. It's not that it's given to them but it seems to be taken. But do they really know what they are taking?
There is a double edged sword that has developed it seems asking which is the worse or lesser crime in this matter when it comes to who does the appropriating. Yet, First begins the question of ownership. Does an art form such as a particular dance and it's traditions depending on geographical location belong to a certain race of people? Is there a purity in its inception? Some would debate that question of purity, saying that there is a melting pot causing a racial ambiguity in our racial lineages. Yet there are some unmistakable identities when it comes to dances and origins. For instance, African culture has permeated throughout time, crossing border lines of countries, influencing cultures in music and dance. It is one of the most appropriated cultures in many countries including the United States. Yet do many Africans today have the right to call certain genres of dance their own and state claim whether it's an entire dance form or a contribution they made? If not why not and why not feel a certain protectiveness over it without being considered racist or ostracizing. Do they have the right to feel angry that certain dance forms are being misrepresented and taken out of context. There is a miseducation and lack of integrity on the parts of those that choose to adapt these cultural dance art forms. It is running rampant and I would say people are running a muck. It has caused myself and my fellow dancers to take a deep evaluation in how we represent and express certain dance genres. It's equally become a point of frustration for those of us that do make concerted efforts to learn and represent cultural dances with respect and integrity.
Easy come, easy go people find it "easy" to bounce in and out of cultures but do little to educate themselves on the history of many cultures. Many want the benefits and the results that come from the com modification of cultural art forms. People don't want to be in the skin of some nor appreciate.. but the talents or what one has are. No one wants to walk in their shoes.. but they want what they have to offer. No one wants to see the grit and grim of how certain songs or dances were born in cultures and what sacrifices were made to make them. Many art forms such as dance have been born out of pain, struggle and life. Many fail to see or acknowledge that. Yet they find it so easy to take... take and take. Never giving back and showing an injustice. I looked at video after video of dances on the city streets in Colombia. I then started to think..this dance Mapale with clear origins in the African culture has become a poor peoples "commodification" for the sightseers and tourists. The onlookers watch and pitch money at the dark skinned young men and women that hustle and dance with fervor to earn a living in the the city tourist attractions. They have had to take their cultural dances and become the jigaboos and minstrel sideshows like african americans in the US often had to. You then have to ask and who made the profit? who saw the profit? Well I beg to differ it would be them.... It also sheds a whole new light on people here in the US that throw together a half assed performance of the same Mapale dance at a local festival when you think of the immense talent and yet struggle of the young kids over in Colombia. Hmm.. all I can do is shake my head. Do you get the picture? These things I take issue with with a deep passionate distaste in my mouth of those that "take it and fake it".
For those of us that do choose to delve into another culture not only is there a personal responsibility one must have, but an empathy and yet resilience in one's skin to take the possible criticisms and disapproval for doing so. For some of us it simply resonates with our soul to relate to other cultures. There is no shame or blame in that as the soul has no color... what it expresses is the essence of who we are when true. But personal responsibility I must repeat must take place to respect. I have had to take my own advice in all this as I have had my own personal experiences as an "African American Black" woman not a "Afro Latin" woman who performs other cultural dances outside of my own. Big difference to some. I know people wonder why I am teaching salsa, dance it etc. I know that my dreds and skin are not as highly liked on that stages or palable to the audiences in the Salsa World I travel. We get sorta dismissed so to speak. Someone is always looking for a reason for it to be ok to do what I do. I get " soo.. are you dominican? " I have learned to laugh and say " no.. I am black" They proceed like they still don't get it or missed what I just said.. They then ask " where you from? and where are your parents from" I say, " my parents are both black" They still look at me blankly.. I find I have to say " I grew up in NY some in Spanish Harlem.. a puerto rican and black neighborhood" then... only then i get " oooooooo see that's why! " or " you MUST have something in you" I have learned to laugh.. But in reality.. I am like.. why must I be anything but what I am? I mean i feel flattered in some ways.. then I think deeply sometimes and think.. what? what does all that mean.. LOL! why do I Have to give a full report and figure out how to appease someone about my race and background? Or the nasty ass looks I get when I am dancing at times like.. "who she think she is? or what she think she know or why is she doing that? " I think what always comes up for me is that I always have to remind myself of the world I live in and to be mindful of it. We may be one creature in nature in our inner selves, but the world defines us differently and right off .. it's the color of our skin. Unfortunate as it may be.. this is the reality we live in. It is always a constant battle to redefine.. and try to shift thought and perspectives of others to change their way of thinking.. Yet there will always be this sort of box people will check off and they don't care about the "other" box.
I take it seriously to try not to "take it and fake it". I don't own what I dance in it's cultural form, but I own how I dance it. That belongs to me and no one can take that away. It has been a labor of love to be appropriate and not appropriate. I hope there can continue to be a conscious shift and awareness in the decisions we make when we move through cultures. To take our thoughts and constructively let our bodies express truth in a message of transformation in how we respect one another and the skin we were born in. To acknowledge struggles that have built bridges so that we MAY have the opportunity to break bread at the table of cultural uniformity and yet respect individuality. Let us take note.. and take a sober estimate that it is all bigger than us and a greater work at hand.. OWN your own work and who you are and ask yourself: To own or Not to own.. is the question.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Do 2 Halves Make a Whole in a Relationship?
There is no mathematical equation that is logical in matters of the heart. I have come to feel that 2 halves DO NOT make a whole.. 2 WHOLES make a WHOLE. It's amazing how in true form the creator sets in motion the flow of the universe. We ebb and flow with it and we ride it's course and sometimes we vere on our own paths. Free will allows us to do so until somehow the forked road meet again into one.... we then realize that we simply took a detour.. for some of us it's long and some it's short. Then some of us somehow never see the road meet, we find a whole other path. All decisions we make somehow pose a question to be answered as to.."did we make the right one?" only to be answered by perhaps a lesson. We stop and ask ourselves what lesson did we learn or why are we repeating the same one? They may come in all kinds of packages and we ask ourselves again..How am I calling this or that situation to myself? did I not get through this lesson? Sometimes our lesson just evolves. We figure out that we need to call to ourselves specific desires and wants in a person. But just how specific do we get? We start to realize that the least specific we are, the least results we get. We ask for little and we get little. Out of 10 items we may get 2 and some how especially as women we have the amazing ability to try to create a relationship out of these two things. We think we are being unconditional in acceptance, giving the benefit of the doubt, not being superficial and picky by wanting 9 out of 1o things. Therefore..before you know it we are dealing with a "half" of a partner or potential partner.
Hopefully, we have come to understand that we also must deal with if we are a "half" or a "whole" of a person to bring to a relationship. After so many lessons we start to get better at our own self work and understand that though another may "complement" us, the old movie line in Jerry Mcquire -" you complete me" may not be all it's cracked up to be in the cute fuzzy romance, -you-are-my-soul- mate department. We may take this line in the movie a bit too far and buy into the notion that some person out there will make up for what we are missing, compensate or fill in for what we may lack. We naively open the door to much deeper issues in ourselves. They surface like wolves in sheep's clothing... what we may think is being loving and supportive or fiercely loyal to someone is really our own fear of abandonment from perhaps our past or childhood. Our father or mother left us and so we think we did something wrong, therefore we never want to be the one in that place to hurt someone.. so we stay in a situation way too long or we self sabotage our way out so that we never have to "leave" we let the other person do it. We have felt perhaps so out of control in our past that this is our way of being in control in a dysfunctional manner. Yet we still scratch our heads in frustration as to why our relationships never work. Without knowing it we have sent ourselves into a revolving door and every time we come back to the same place. We subconsciously have called the universe to send us a person that is not our "whole" but a "half". We work hard to correct, fix and change in another person what we ourselves should be fixing, correcting and changing in ourselves. Then we wonder once again.. "why didn't it work?" well two halves don't make a whole...
Then one day perhaps again.. it clicks.. hmm an epiphany of sorts. We start to settle into being alone with ourselves, clarifying what is that we truly want, we give ourselves permission to ask for 9 out of 10 things in a person. As people start to cross our paths we start to see the once make shift puzzle pieces we made fit are no longer fitting .. they don't really fit. It's really starting to look like one chaotic mess, no picture finished just a bunch of puzzle pieces. We may even try to make them fit again.. yet something is different. At this point, We may open a floodgate sometimes receiving at times the complete opposite now. Where we once pleaded with a neon sign across our foreheads for someone to want us, love us and accept us into the cherished role of the "partner" we now find that our palates have changed. We used to give way too much to someone and allowed them to take from us. We practically gave what we had away. But, Now we notice that every suitor wants to be with you, chase you down, give you all, make you all. Isn't it great?They want to give back to you! But really? Do they? We suddenly realize that there are two faces to "taking" from someone. This the second..those that still want to take because they are "halves" looking for a way to make themselves "whole". We downplay the importance of our "gut" intuition. We NEED to listen. It has been so convoluted with past experiences full of hurts, disappointments, in failed relationships that we find it hard to be a good judge of character. Everything seems to want to take on a shade of gray, but now we hope things are becoming more black and white. Our intuition is fighting to break through. The universe is pushing it forward to speak to us so that we can get back on that path...
No. Two halves DO NOT make a WHOLE. This is a testimony of my latest experiences and continued experience. Everything I just said I am living everyday right now and every realization is manifesting itself. I believe it takes two people to come into their own as individuals. Their core of who they are to be present in every aspect. One's mental state, the way one lives their lives is physical manifestation of their inner truths. They are secure in who they are, where they are going, what they have established in and for themselves. They have been existing without you for some time and you have simply arrived as a guest at THEIR party. If you did not show up.. well the party would still go on and they'd still be the center of it as the person of honor. As this should be vice versa for ourselves. Like a nice set of those perfect accessories you may add to an outfit, that last paint stroke to a finished piece to create just the right accent, the last spice you add to a dish to give that savory taste to a food. All these things could exist without, but adding these finishing touches makes it all the more better. The cherry on top so to speak.
Really.. truthfully.. this is all that it should be.. a cherry on top. "you complete me" is an overrated line, a dangerous line in which to hang our heart strings on. That line's translation should really say " you are my cherry on top" But our own distorted rose colored glasses through our own experiences have made a whole new meaning to this.. in which we have taken off and run a muck with. Now our minds are weary, our souls are tired and our bodies are aching, wrenching for some stillness, some peace. The simplicity to enter a union with someone where in these things just listed all work and sing in harmony. Yes there are compromises, sacrifices, strengths and weaknesses that can be worked out with two people in how they help one another along in life. Yet once again.. they come as a helper.. a blessing in disguise. Sometimes they are permanent, sometimes temporary, sometimes our lover, sometimes a friend, sometimes our relative. We should never doubt that we will get the help we need, but we should never expect it has to come in a partner. We should just be grateful if we should be bestowed upon that gift. It's not a privilege nor a right as we have no rights to anyone's being as our possessions. They are simply on loan.....to help us along this journey and should they manifest as our mates then we have had the opportunity of a blessing. Yet, when you feel you are blessed and you breathe deep and look around and no one else is there but you ....and feel at ease.. well then you just may have recognized that "whole" you were looking for...and it's YOU. Then sit back and let the creator and the universe do the rest.. just surrender to whatever that may be. In the end.. at least for me.. as I calculate my final equation...... 1 whole + 1 whole= a whole. Good luck on your journey!
With soul,
Artistic Soul
Hopefully, we have come to understand that we also must deal with if we are a "half" or a "whole" of a person to bring to a relationship. After so many lessons we start to get better at our own self work and understand that though another may "complement" us, the old movie line in Jerry Mcquire -" you complete me" may not be all it's cracked up to be in the cute fuzzy romance, -you-are-my-soul- mate department. We may take this line in the movie a bit too far and buy into the notion that some person out there will make up for what we are missing, compensate or fill in for what we may lack. We naively open the door to much deeper issues in ourselves. They surface like wolves in sheep's clothing... what we may think is being loving and supportive or fiercely loyal to someone is really our own fear of abandonment from perhaps our past or childhood. Our father or mother left us and so we think we did something wrong, therefore we never want to be the one in that place to hurt someone.. so we stay in a situation way too long or we self sabotage our way out so that we never have to "leave" we let the other person do it. We have felt perhaps so out of control in our past that this is our way of being in control in a dysfunctional manner. Yet we still scratch our heads in frustration as to why our relationships never work. Without knowing it we have sent ourselves into a revolving door and every time we come back to the same place. We subconsciously have called the universe to send us a person that is not our "whole" but a "half". We work hard to correct, fix and change in another person what we ourselves should be fixing, correcting and changing in ourselves. Then we wonder once again.. "why didn't it work?" well two halves don't make a whole...
Then one day perhaps again.. it clicks.. hmm an epiphany of sorts. We start to settle into being alone with ourselves, clarifying what is that we truly want, we give ourselves permission to ask for 9 out of 10 things in a person. As people start to cross our paths we start to see the once make shift puzzle pieces we made fit are no longer fitting .. they don't really fit. It's really starting to look like one chaotic mess, no picture finished just a bunch of puzzle pieces. We may even try to make them fit again.. yet something is different. At this point, We may open a floodgate sometimes receiving at times the complete opposite now. Where we once pleaded with a neon sign across our foreheads for someone to want us, love us and accept us into the cherished role of the "partner" we now find that our palates have changed. We used to give way too much to someone and allowed them to take from us. We practically gave what we had away. But, Now we notice that every suitor wants to be with you, chase you down, give you all, make you all. Isn't it great?They want to give back to you! But really? Do they? We suddenly realize that there are two faces to "taking" from someone. This the second..those that still want to take because they are "halves" looking for a way to make themselves "whole". We downplay the importance of our "gut" intuition. We NEED to listen. It has been so convoluted with past experiences full of hurts, disappointments, in failed relationships that we find it hard to be a good judge of character. Everything seems to want to take on a shade of gray, but now we hope things are becoming more black and white. Our intuition is fighting to break through. The universe is pushing it forward to speak to us so that we can get back on that path...
No. Two halves DO NOT make a WHOLE. This is a testimony of my latest experiences and continued experience. Everything I just said I am living everyday right now and every realization is manifesting itself. I believe it takes two people to come into their own as individuals. Their core of who they are to be present in every aspect. One's mental state, the way one lives their lives is physical manifestation of their inner truths. They are secure in who they are, where they are going, what they have established in and for themselves. They have been existing without you for some time and you have simply arrived as a guest at THEIR party. If you did not show up.. well the party would still go on and they'd still be the center of it as the person of honor. As this should be vice versa for ourselves. Like a nice set of those perfect accessories you may add to an outfit, that last paint stroke to a finished piece to create just the right accent, the last spice you add to a dish to give that savory taste to a food. All these things could exist without, but adding these finishing touches makes it all the more better. The cherry on top so to speak.
Really.. truthfully.. this is all that it should be.. a cherry on top. "you complete me" is an overrated line, a dangerous line in which to hang our heart strings on. That line's translation should really say " you are my cherry on top" But our own distorted rose colored glasses through our own experiences have made a whole new meaning to this.. in which we have taken off and run a muck with. Now our minds are weary, our souls are tired and our bodies are aching, wrenching for some stillness, some peace. The simplicity to enter a union with someone where in these things just listed all work and sing in harmony. Yes there are compromises, sacrifices, strengths and weaknesses that can be worked out with two people in how they help one another along in life. Yet once again.. they come as a helper.. a blessing in disguise. Sometimes they are permanent, sometimes temporary, sometimes our lover, sometimes a friend, sometimes our relative. We should never doubt that we will get the help we need, but we should never expect it has to come in a partner. We should just be grateful if we should be bestowed upon that gift. It's not a privilege nor a right as we have no rights to anyone's being as our possessions. They are simply on loan.....to help us along this journey and should they manifest as our mates then we have had the opportunity of a blessing. Yet, when you feel you are blessed and you breathe deep and look around and no one else is there but you ....and feel at ease.. well then you just may have recognized that "whole" you were looking for...and it's YOU. Then sit back and let the creator and the universe do the rest.. just surrender to whatever that may be. In the end.. at least for me.. as I calculate my final equation...... 1 whole + 1 whole= a whole. Good luck on your journey!
With soul,
Artistic Soul
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Dance Does a Body Good and the Soul....
Dubbin... what is Dubbin? I am wondering what the young girl wide eyed yet speaking so matter-of-factly is talking about. She realizes my fellow dancer colleague and I sitting on the stage listening intently have no idea what she is talking about. So she proceeds to explain the ritual of the school dance where the boy comes up from behind the girl and starts grinding on her with his pelvis and other such non welcomed body parts to say the least. My friend and I look at each other with recollection in our memories of something sounding very familiar about this and simultaneously we blurt out with smirks, tossed back heads and roll of the eyes... "ooohhhh yeah we know all about that!"
They are young girls gathered in the assembly ages 14-17 and we have many more years on them yet there's no great chasm in relating to their horror stories of broken boundaries and mounting pressures weighing on their sexuality. Surprisingly, these girls were one up on the game when they were asked questions by their facilitator on what they felt was the difference between the dancing of myself and my colleague K (i'll call her).. and that of the Gold Digger video by Kayne West we just showed them. K and I sat there perhaps waiting for the moment we'd have to scurry thoughts around in our heads for the rescuing counter answer to their lost mislead insights into the video. Nope no such need.. we took a nice deep breath and there was no need to ride in on our white horses and shining armor of truth for the rescue. These girls had it on lock. They quickly spouted out insightful answers with such conviction revealing the video's true transparency. There it was in plain daylight the exploiting of women's sexuality and the provocative, barely if any dancing at all display for men.
K and I had no idea the incredible experience we were embarking upon. Here we were representatives from the Roots Dance Theatre in Massachusetts at the Girl's Leadership Institute Summer Camp ready to explore the unmarked territory of these young girls lives. They already spent some time engaging in breaking down some of the social and emotional walls they had when they arrived at camp and so what was our purpose? Hmmm well I would say there is nothing better than the task of sharing the very thing you love, to educate and inspire... DANCE. One show with Roots Dance Theatre a few months previous led to this moment. We had put our hearts on the stage as RDT in San Diego and were discovered by Rachel Simmons,an educator coach and founder of GLI (Girl's Leadership Institute) who took to our expression and message of our dance. There we were with the opportunity to contribute to these girls impressionable journeys through their summer camp.
It was an eye opening time being able to share our personal talents with these young women in dance workshops. After wonderful input and direction from Rachel we were able to engage with them in a way that would be thought provoking. We asked them questions that would allow them to connect to themselves through dance. It was so refreshing to hear them jump at the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. The performance we prepared for them made a hit impression on them and even better was the following Q and A dialogue. K and I sharing our lives beyond dance was such an honor as they listened to us as a captive audience. These days it's a challenging thing to do in finding that connection with young teen women. We realized the power of dance had created a way for them to question and explore their sexuality and belief systems, their life choices and personal empowerment. Who would of thought this? But there we were in deep discussion and that was it.. they were sold.. hook line and sinker. The thrill and rush of adrenaline, the unpredictability in the unknown of the possible outcomes and reaffirmation of all the hard work we were there to share all came to one amazing end.
Last day, last workshop and the last thoughts of our new young friends on a piece of paper sharing their thoughts on our work there was all worth it as we sat on the plane ride home reading over 30 piece of loos leaf papers. Lives were impacted and changed and our dream purpose to take RDT to new heights of reformation in the dance world and communities were all sealed with a stamp of approval that weekend. Roots Dance Theatre was making it's introduction into the world exceeding all expectations and defining themselves as ground breakers ready to share their gifts of dance, education, and roots with all those around them. K and I were simply glad that we could be those vessels to show that Dance DOES do a BODY good and the SOUL.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
They are young girls gathered in the assembly ages 14-17 and we have many more years on them yet there's no great chasm in relating to their horror stories of broken boundaries and mounting pressures weighing on their sexuality. Surprisingly, these girls were one up on the game when they were asked questions by their facilitator on what they felt was the difference between the dancing of myself and my colleague K (i'll call her).. and that of the Gold Digger video by Kayne West we just showed them. K and I sat there perhaps waiting for the moment we'd have to scurry thoughts around in our heads for the rescuing counter answer to their lost mislead insights into the video. Nope no such need.. we took a nice deep breath and there was no need to ride in on our white horses and shining armor of truth for the rescue. These girls had it on lock. They quickly spouted out insightful answers with such conviction revealing the video's true transparency. There it was in plain daylight the exploiting of women's sexuality and the provocative, barely if any dancing at all display for men.
K and I had no idea the incredible experience we were embarking upon. Here we were representatives from the Roots Dance Theatre in Massachusetts at the Girl's Leadership Institute Summer Camp ready to explore the unmarked territory of these young girls lives. They already spent some time engaging in breaking down some of the social and emotional walls they had when they arrived at camp and so what was our purpose? Hmmm well I would say there is nothing better than the task of sharing the very thing you love, to educate and inspire... DANCE. One show with Roots Dance Theatre a few months previous led to this moment. We had put our hearts on the stage as RDT in San Diego and were discovered by Rachel Simmons,an educator coach and founder of GLI (Girl's Leadership Institute) who took to our expression and message of our dance. There we were with the opportunity to contribute to these girls impressionable journeys through their summer camp.
It was an eye opening time being able to share our personal talents with these young women in dance workshops. After wonderful input and direction from Rachel we were able to engage with them in a way that would be thought provoking. We asked them questions that would allow them to connect to themselves through dance. It was so refreshing to hear them jump at the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. The performance we prepared for them made a hit impression on them and even better was the following Q and A dialogue. K and I sharing our lives beyond dance was such an honor as they listened to us as a captive audience. These days it's a challenging thing to do in finding that connection with young teen women. We realized the power of dance had created a way for them to question and explore their sexuality and belief systems, their life choices and personal empowerment. Who would of thought this? But there we were in deep discussion and that was it.. they were sold.. hook line and sinker. The thrill and rush of adrenaline, the unpredictability in the unknown of the possible outcomes and reaffirmation of all the hard work we were there to share all came to one amazing end.
Last day, last workshop and the last thoughts of our new young friends on a piece of paper sharing their thoughts on our work there was all worth it as we sat on the plane ride home reading over 30 piece of loos leaf papers. Lives were impacted and changed and our dream purpose to take RDT to new heights of reformation in the dance world and communities were all sealed with a stamp of approval that weekend. Roots Dance Theatre was making it's introduction into the world exceeding all expectations and defining themselves as ground breakers ready to share their gifts of dance, education, and roots with all those around them. K and I were simply glad that we could be those vessels to show that Dance DOES do a BODY good and the SOUL.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Family Reunion: Reconnecting
I know.. I know I been away longer than I should have. I feel like I have been on a permanent vacation beyond the one I had. I feel like I'm on auto pilot and yet I am going nowhere and my life is mini ball of a chaotic whirlwind. It's that infamous moment when you set foot in your home after the less than desired drawn out flight, in which the crook in your neck is a reminder of the immense exhaustion that has stumbled you across the threshold of your door. You take a deep breath and a sigh of relief you are home...You walk away from your suitcase.....
Yep it's still there.. right where I left it. The next few days it's what I live out of. It doesn't end there. The trail of strewn clothes, lingering dishes, piled up laundry overdue and the echo back of the empty fridge. Busy Busy Busy I steal moments in between to live in my home... home sweet home oh how I wish I could LIVE in you. It's ok, it's temporary insanity in which my mind needs to medicate itself in brief realization that rejuvenation did happen. It's all captured in a small facebook album.....The FAMILY REUNION.
This is really the true topic of the hour. One day I opened a FB message and there it was... some random person. This random person became less random when they posed the question about my real father... I was in a state of confusion and some shock. The inquiries began and low and behold as only facebook can do a miracle happens.. this random person is revealed in conversation to be my cousin on my fathers side. Wow.. my cousin??? There aren't words to describe the many passing thoughts and questions marks that swooped in and out of my head in a cloud of curiosity as to what happened to that other half of me for so long. I knew my father passed... but there was no way the rest disappeared. Yet life moves along and it never seems to be the opportune time and space to make this trek down a intense winding road of a lost memory lane. But in the true character of the universe one can only realize that it has its own agenda. What ifs and regrets of time lost, guilt of maybe not trying hard enough. The fear of the unknown and the outcomes all come rushing at you...
My father became absentee not because he left but we left. The abuse was the end to my last name as I knew it as he was an end in my life....so I thought. My only reflection was my younger sister and we held the last name that would eventually be a clue to lead our past to our present. All lead up that very moment when that one email linking to my last name would open a whole new world that I never knew existed. The Calvin world.. the family that I never knew I had in co existence all this time on the same plane in a different space living life as I for over 28 years. In these years forgiveness has allowed me never to forget, but to let go of that which would hinder me from growing.. growing.. something we must embrace with open arms. Something I had to embrace.
Hot ATL day and hearty laughter, good food, picture taking, questions and conversation accented with nervous yet anxious anticipations. Old pictures pieced time together like an old quilt in which I took a stroll down that lost memory lane of my young father and his brothers and other family members that now made periods on the end of my questions..it was a warming and exciting feeling. Such ease came in the flow of our interactions that all overshadowed the hurt and loss. It was a reminder that rejuvenation came in the gift of a new generation of Calvins. We didn't answer for nor take responsibility for the actions of our parents but this was now our time to start anew. Perfectly again in the plan of the universe and the power that be saw fit that we all be ready to come to this one center point in life to meet.
No matter what cards life has dealt you, you always have the choice to play them how you want. Always be open to the outcome you never know what is waiting for you. Forgiveness is powerful, openness is conducive to the ebb and flow of healthy closure and new beginnings. Then you will be ready to release so that you can RECONNECT.
I have and have never been happier.....
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Monday, June 28, 2010
Unfinished Music
"Unfinished Music"
I move and I move, here, there, everywhere…. My heart finds no rhythm quite the same. My feet shift to and fro, my body writhes in an undecipherable melody. Harmony has no place in this world of mines.. Notes scatter to the floor and I scurry to pick them up.. my once perfect symphony has now been cast aside by the awful noise of out of tuned instruments. One lacks the ear to hear my internal beat, moving oh so smoothly along the tips of my toes to the to the top of my head where I feel free……I can see dancing.. humming, tapping my feet..ahhhh how it moves me.
I return to reality to only pick up my fallen g clef as I peer at its curves and wondering what pitches and spaces it will tell me to have in this song of life I try to write. I rip threw pages of abandoned lyrics.. I just can’t seem to finish. Just when I feel I have found the perfect chorus or hit the right note.. Flatness…. A void of of empty chords… left untouched….
By (Angela Calvin) Artistic Soul
Don't we sometimes feel this way. "A void of empty chords.. left untouched... these are moments in our lives when we feel these uncertainties. In these moments we feel a sense of feeling lost and no matter what is going on there is this "flatness". It's like our moments of epiphanies when things just seem to "click" and it all comes to fruition and clarity. It happens all in it's own time and we can't predict it. This is the same for these moments of feeling disconnected and uninspired even. Yet we tend to have a dislike for these times and we don't want to open our arms to them in an embrace.
We often think these times are unplanned interruptions, inconveniencing in the flow of our lives but on the contrary they are planned in the grand scheme of it all. It's an intricate part of the cycle in our lives that is much needed and required. We ask why? Why is such an uncomfortable moment needed? Exactly. It's just that.."uncomfortable". It's meant to be.. it's the very moment that creates a new transition. These times just don't come once in our lives.. we often dread knowing that on the contrary they come quite often, littered throughout our journey in an unpredictable fashion. They are meant to be the catalyst to change, to our very growth as a person. If we fail to have these times then we should worry. We should worry that stagnation has set in.. we should worry that we are desensitized to our own long pauses in our lives that don't allow us to move on to finish a sentence.. or a paragraph enough to move on to the next. In these times we are moved to think and process how we feel about our lives, if not careful we can miss the lessons embedded in this moment as they are overrun by our hastiness to dismiss this time. But we should sit in it, embrace these times. Yes much easier said than done but what good does it do us to resist? When we do resist we are doomed to repeat as it will come back to us. Take it as a favor from the universe which warrants a gratitude from us.
So the next time that you find yourself unsettled, lost, annoyed and asking why... find your rhythm, try to put it all in tune, gather all the fallen notes off the floor and arrange them on your page of unfinished music....
with soul,
Artistic Soul
I move and I move, here, there, everywhere…. My heart finds no rhythm quite the same. My feet shift to and fro, my body writhes in an undecipherable melody. Harmony has no place in this world of mines.. Notes scatter to the floor and I scurry to pick them up.. my once perfect symphony has now been cast aside by the awful noise of out of tuned instruments. One lacks the ear to hear my internal beat, moving oh so smoothly along the tips of my toes to the to the top of my head where I feel free……I can see dancing.. humming, tapping my feet..ahhhh how it moves me.
I return to reality to only pick up my fallen g clef as I peer at its curves and wondering what pitches and spaces it will tell me to have in this song of life I try to write. I rip threw pages of abandoned lyrics.. I just can’t seem to finish. Just when I feel I have found the perfect chorus or hit the right note.. Flatness…. A void of of empty chords… left untouched….
By (Angela Calvin) Artistic Soul
Don't we sometimes feel this way. "A void of empty chords.. left untouched... these are moments in our lives when we feel these uncertainties. In these moments we feel a sense of feeling lost and no matter what is going on there is this "flatness". It's like our moments of epiphanies when things just seem to "click" and it all comes to fruition and clarity. It happens all in it's own time and we can't predict it. This is the same for these moments of feeling disconnected and uninspired even. Yet we tend to have a dislike for these times and we don't want to open our arms to them in an embrace.
We often think these times are unplanned interruptions, inconveniencing in the flow of our lives but on the contrary they are planned in the grand scheme of it all. It's an intricate part of the cycle in our lives that is much needed and required. We ask why? Why is such an uncomfortable moment needed? Exactly. It's just that.."uncomfortable". It's meant to be.. it's the very moment that creates a new transition. These times just don't come once in our lives.. we often dread knowing that on the contrary they come quite often, littered throughout our journey in an unpredictable fashion. They are meant to be the catalyst to change, to our very growth as a person. If we fail to have these times then we should worry. We should worry that stagnation has set in.. we should worry that we are desensitized to our own long pauses in our lives that don't allow us to move on to finish a sentence.. or a paragraph enough to move on to the next. In these times we are moved to think and process how we feel about our lives, if not careful we can miss the lessons embedded in this moment as they are overrun by our hastiness to dismiss this time. But we should sit in it, embrace these times. Yes much easier said than done but what good does it do us to resist? When we do resist we are doomed to repeat as it will come back to us. Take it as a favor from the universe which warrants a gratitude from us.
So the next time that you find yourself unsettled, lost, annoyed and asking why... find your rhythm, try to put it all in tune, gather all the fallen notes off the floor and arrange them on your page of unfinished music....
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Recipe for Making A Woman's Salsa (Poetry)
I felt like I wanted to do something different to fill in between the spaces and besides it's my blog so I can do what I want LOL! I got an epihphany that this would be a great space to not only share my thoughts on certain topics that surface but as well artistic expression. It's a glimpse into the other side of my mind and how I think... I hope that you will enjoy some of the "fill in between the spaces" pieces I invite you take a moment to take in.. I hope you enjoy this first piece:
Recipe for Making A Woman's Salsa
Ingredients:
-Pimientas de Chile Rojas (Red Chile Peppers
-Nalgas de Cebolla (Onion Booty)
-Tetas de Tomatoes (Tomatoe Breasts)
-Caderas (Hips)
-Ritmo (Rhythm)
-Pies mágicos (Magic Feet)
-la vuelta de la mujer (A woman's turn)
-la vuelta de un Hombre (A man's Turn)
-Musica (Music)
-Sonrias (smiles)
-La Comida! (the Food)
An aphrodisiac is required in this recipe before you begin.
-Take Pimientas de Chile Rojas and mix them in un Cafe .. tall, short, Vanilla latte, mocha, cafe con leche and stir briskly till a spicy fire embraces you in a closed body position and drink...
- Now Start to smell the rich aroma of Musica rise, now grind las caderas together with Ritmo until finely mixed together in an intoxicating seasoning creating "Sabor" the Flavor for the Salsa..
-Take a bowl and begin by dicing Nalgas de Cebolla and Tetas de Tomatoes big and small and move them around the mixing bowl , then stop and take another sip of Tu Cafe for you need to watch for salty tears in the salsa as they counteract against Los Pies Magicos..
- Now Stir in una Vuelta de La mujer and then un vuleta de Hombre, mix them together with a pinch of Sonrias y Pimientas de Chile Rojas to excite the pallet and you are ready to eat..
Don't use sparingly in your Comida of Life ... Now.. Enjoy
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Recipe for Making A Woman's Salsa
Ingredients:
-Pimientas de Chile Rojas (Red Chile Peppers
-Nalgas de Cebolla (Onion Booty)
-Tetas de Tomatoes (Tomatoe Breasts)
-Caderas (Hips)
-Ritmo (Rhythm)
-Pies mágicos (Magic Feet)
-la vuelta de la mujer (A woman's turn)
-la vuelta de un Hombre (A man's Turn)
-Musica (Music)
-Sonrias (smiles)
-La Comida! (the Food)
An aphrodisiac is required in this recipe before you begin.
-Take Pimientas de Chile Rojas and mix them in un Cafe .. tall, short, Vanilla latte, mocha, cafe con leche and stir briskly till a spicy fire embraces you in a closed body position and drink...
- Now Start to smell the rich aroma of Musica rise, now grind las caderas together with Ritmo until finely mixed together in an intoxicating seasoning creating "Sabor" the Flavor for the Salsa..
-Take a bowl and begin by dicing Nalgas de Cebolla and Tetas de Tomatoes big and small and move them around the mixing bowl , then stop and take another sip of Tu Cafe for you need to watch for salty tears in the salsa as they counteract against Los Pies Magicos..
- Now Stir in una Vuelta de La mujer and then un vuleta de Hombre, mix them together with a pinch of Sonrias y Pimientas de Chile Rojas to excite the pallet and you are ready to eat..
Don't use sparingly in your Comida of Life ... Now.. Enjoy
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Fountain of Youth- Can it Renew our Integrity in the Arts?
Another late night trying to decide what my inspiration would be to venture down another writing journey as it's hard to find that constant muse..I reflected on some recent events.. conversations and then I saw one video that sparked something.. taking my time I sifted through a few. I could find no better inspiration than in my own backyard in the bodies of my friend's kids....
She jumps right in this little one, chuckles and all, her shy giggle ripples through her small petite frame as she knows every movement and nuance of our choreography and this is never the first time. Her mama and all of us always steal glances of her mimicking something one of us has done. This community of women around her has become her artistic playground and she has actually become our muse...
He moves from the cajon to the conga to the doumbek with ease and yet can barely get to the top shelf of his mama's cabinet, dirty blonde messy curls fall in his face and the calm look peaking from underneath show effortlessness. His solo piece.. almost done, he has a conversation of rhythm with his father, back and forth they speak the same language and it's a masterpiece of communication....
I am constantly amazed at how this brother and sister duo seem to be the spitting image and embodiment of their parents. I recognize the purity in them as they cross cultural and color lines in their artistic expression connecting to deep roots and origins. Like sponges they soak it up, deep in the skin it seeps... There are no boundaries or definitions to them as their world is boundless and they seem to be birthed in what so many artists are searching for or to regain.. Integrity.
Where has the integrity in the arts gone? Is the almighty dollar or vain recognition the ticket to sell your soul to the devil so to speak of popular public opinion? This is the question that some of us are asking. We wonder what happened to that giddy nervous feeling of anticipation when we stepped into our first dance class. The eagerness in our feet to leap across the room and be swept up by a rhythm. When we laid our first record on the turntable and set the needle down we went on a vinyl rollercoaster ride bobbing our heads cuz we knew we were sumthin good. The first time a melodic note left our mouths or our fingers stroked the strings of that instrument making it purr oh so divinely. The list could go on of the many "first times" we experienced, that gave us that "loving feeling". Yet some of us are having internal battles of of what neatly filed category we should be tucked away in. Wondering where do we fit in when our audience are spectators and we the revised version of a diluted disillusioned circus. Do we walk this tightrope trying to slide past the big frilly tutus of people pleasing and compromising that have so permeated the core of some artist's consciousness? The path less traveled suddenly seems tedious as the quick fix and get rich schemes to put a pretty penny in the pocket are much more appealing.
Some quietly and stealthy stick their hands in the cookie jar and greedly take.. they take and they appropriate to themselves culture and art forms never looking back to say thank you. They take these nuggets of gold and melt them down into an idol of worship, reshape them till it's barely noticed from where it's come from. Recycled or retouched like the cover of a teen magazine of the model with freakishly perfect body.. the masses all look on with rose colored glass and speak with forked tounges as they say they want the "real" thing but settle for the imitation. Real artists of this seemly scarcely used word integrity stand and scratch their heads wondering why they gaze on half empty audiences with blanks stares or the scattered few that fill their classes. "Maybe I should lose alittle weight and look like that, or wear alittle less" or may be I should just play that same set again like it's on repeat every week" or even "maybe I should water it down just alittle bit so it don't look too "ethnic"... or maybe I would like to know why some of us even have to ask those damned questions.
Well in case you forgot do remember that those not in the status quo need not give up the fight when we see that little girl mirroring our every movement wide eyed and bushy tailed full of giggles and the small hands of the curly haired boy feverishly chasing the patterns he creates of harmonious percussionistic interludes between he and his father's "conversation". For with them be reminded where we can quench our thirst and find this rejuvenation from their... Fountain of Youth....
with soul,
artistic soul
** thank you sister Karen for your constant example and the integrity you do give as we journey on this road in Roots Dance Theatre. Thank you to you and victor for allowing us to be blessed to be in the presence your amazing children.. apple don't fall too far from the tree...:)
She jumps right in this little one, chuckles and all, her shy giggle ripples through her small petite frame as she knows every movement and nuance of our choreography and this is never the first time. Her mama and all of us always steal glances of her mimicking something one of us has done. This community of women around her has become her artistic playground and she has actually become our muse...
He moves from the cajon to the conga to the doumbek with ease and yet can barely get to the top shelf of his mama's cabinet, dirty blonde messy curls fall in his face and the calm look peaking from underneath show effortlessness. His solo piece.. almost done, he has a conversation of rhythm with his father, back and forth they speak the same language and it's a masterpiece of communication....
I am constantly amazed at how this brother and sister duo seem to be the spitting image and embodiment of their parents. I recognize the purity in them as they cross cultural and color lines in their artistic expression connecting to deep roots and origins. Like sponges they soak it up, deep in the skin it seeps... There are no boundaries or definitions to them as their world is boundless and they seem to be birthed in what so many artists are searching for or to regain.. Integrity.
Where has the integrity in the arts gone? Is the almighty dollar or vain recognition the ticket to sell your soul to the devil so to speak of popular public opinion? This is the question that some of us are asking. We wonder what happened to that giddy nervous feeling of anticipation when we stepped into our first dance class. The eagerness in our feet to leap across the room and be swept up by a rhythm. When we laid our first record on the turntable and set the needle down we went on a vinyl rollercoaster ride bobbing our heads cuz we knew we were sumthin good. The first time a melodic note left our mouths or our fingers stroked the strings of that instrument making it purr oh so divinely. The list could go on of the many "first times" we experienced, that gave us that "loving feeling". Yet some of us are having internal battles of of what neatly filed category we should be tucked away in. Wondering where do we fit in when our audience are spectators and we the revised version of a diluted disillusioned circus. Do we walk this tightrope trying to slide past the big frilly tutus of people pleasing and compromising that have so permeated the core of some artist's consciousness? The path less traveled suddenly seems tedious as the quick fix and get rich schemes to put a pretty penny in the pocket are much more appealing.
Some quietly and stealthy stick their hands in the cookie jar and greedly take.. they take and they appropriate to themselves culture and art forms never looking back to say thank you. They take these nuggets of gold and melt them down into an idol of worship, reshape them till it's barely noticed from where it's come from. Recycled or retouched like the cover of a teen magazine of the model with freakishly perfect body.. the masses all look on with rose colored glass and speak with forked tounges as they say they want the "real" thing but settle for the imitation. Real artists of this seemly scarcely used word integrity stand and scratch their heads wondering why they gaze on half empty audiences with blanks stares or the scattered few that fill their classes. "Maybe I should lose alittle weight and look like that, or wear alittle less" or may be I should just play that same set again like it's on repeat every week" or even "maybe I should water it down just alittle bit so it don't look too "ethnic"... or maybe I would like to know why some of us even have to ask those damned questions.
Well in case you forgot do remember that those not in the status quo need not give up the fight when we see that little girl mirroring our every movement wide eyed and bushy tailed full of giggles and the small hands of the curly haired boy feverishly chasing the patterns he creates of harmonious percussionistic interludes between he and his father's "conversation". For with them be reminded where we can quench our thirst and find this rejuvenation from their... Fountain of Youth....
with soul,
artistic soul
** thank you sister Karen for your constant example and the integrity you do give as we journey on this road in Roots Dance Theatre. Thank you to you and victor for allowing us to be blessed to be in the presence your amazing children.. apple don't fall too far from the tree...:)
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The LovHER.....
Small talk turns into small kisses on the nape of her neck.. no formalities, gentle touches caress the outlines of her body as he pulls her closely into deep conversations of kisses telling her she is in this moment is the only one....
For this moment YOU are the only one and only in this present MOMENT. The Lover... a word translated and used sparingly from the tips of our tounges fall into our laps and lay cozily wanting to be stroked and touched with the intention of intimacy but the disguise of detachment. As she lays cuddled up next to this warm body an epiphany of thought crosses her mind joined with a peaceful feeling of understanding that she is in this moment satisfied....Usually she is bum rushed with thoughts of what is he thinking? where is this going? When will I see him next? and what does this all mean? this is an all too familiar pattern of a relationship glimpse that turns into a flurry of worries and unrest. When did the present turn into a future? But isn't this like us women to take a moment and make it obsolete as if it has little importance in our grand master scheme of what WE picture to transpire...but indeed it's the MOMENT we must listen to for there are a thousand words spoken we must hear.
The lover implies the meaning that there is a single purpose for the rendezvous and nothing more. It serves no further role other than an intimate encounter at the random or frequent discretion of both parties. There is in this some form of certainty and commitment in a non committal arrangement. It seems an oxymoron but in reality there is truth in this that sets us free from being bound to our "expectations" in which we should take note to acknowledge. There is simplicity that we must embrace. When we delve into our encounter and accept the role of the "lover" that crosses our path we recognize that indeed there are more meaningful levels in which to discover. We recognize that we may take out our frustrations of perhaps the lack of a partnership on the other person and not realize they have the right to be in the space they are in. If they elect not to have a relationship, it is to be respected and it simply means they are only able to give what they can at the moment and time and we must decide if we are willing to sign the dotted line of this agreement. Once we do we realize this, there is a new transformation that happens and transcends our patterns and preconceived notions or experiences. We are able to take a moment and fully enjoy the MOMENT. We should not be so narrow as to think that often times a lover means unloving or detachment. We confuse sex with intimacy and miss out on the fact that in these interactions are perhaps desires by our lover as moments to share intimacies. We express with sex, but there can be moments in the moment that emotions are shared, needs are met and for them fulfillment in an arrangement in which this is the only way they can or want to give of themselves. We once again are surrendered to this without resentment. We don't feel dis empowered when we give sexually but but feel a sense of power when we accept this arrangement of how we give ourselves. Sex does not become a shackle of NEED which creates possessiveness and insecurities nor sexual dependency. This acceptance makes the encounter no less meaningful but valid and reaffirming of our need to be touched as humans which is a powerful communication in itself.
There is a beauty in this and some peaceful satisfaction that allows us to be in that present moment. We need to let go of trying to define the role of the lover and leave it at that and not a jump off to anything more. The sooner we come to clarity between both parties involved that there are no expectations other than to be present in that moment it empowers us to feel in control of our emotions which removes all of our inhibitions. These inhibitions blur the black and white lines into gray areas. We miss the soft touch that caresses the small of our back, the warm body wrapped up in a entanglement of surrender, the passionate entwining bodies in deep release of raw pent up energies, the emotional flow of connection and acceptance that only come to eyes and arms wide open to the loveHER.....
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
For this moment YOU are the only one and only in this present MOMENT. The Lover... a word translated and used sparingly from the tips of our tounges fall into our laps and lay cozily wanting to be stroked and touched with the intention of intimacy but the disguise of detachment. As she lays cuddled up next to this warm body an epiphany of thought crosses her mind joined with a peaceful feeling of understanding that she is in this moment satisfied....Usually she is bum rushed with thoughts of what is he thinking? where is this going? When will I see him next? and what does this all mean? this is an all too familiar pattern of a relationship glimpse that turns into a flurry of worries and unrest. When did the present turn into a future? But isn't this like us women to take a moment and make it obsolete as if it has little importance in our grand master scheme of what WE picture to transpire...but indeed it's the MOMENT we must listen to for there are a thousand words spoken we must hear.
The lover implies the meaning that there is a single purpose for the rendezvous and nothing more. It serves no further role other than an intimate encounter at the random or frequent discretion of both parties. There is in this some form of certainty and commitment in a non committal arrangement. It seems an oxymoron but in reality there is truth in this that sets us free from being bound to our "expectations" in which we should take note to acknowledge. There is simplicity that we must embrace. When we delve into our encounter and accept the role of the "lover" that crosses our path we recognize that indeed there are more meaningful levels in which to discover. We recognize that we may take out our frustrations of perhaps the lack of a partnership on the other person and not realize they have the right to be in the space they are in. If they elect not to have a relationship, it is to be respected and it simply means they are only able to give what they can at the moment and time and we must decide if we are willing to sign the dotted line of this agreement. Once we do we realize this, there is a new transformation that happens and transcends our patterns and preconceived notions or experiences. We are able to take a moment and fully enjoy the MOMENT. We should not be so narrow as to think that often times a lover means unloving or detachment. We confuse sex with intimacy and miss out on the fact that in these interactions are perhaps desires by our lover as moments to share intimacies. We express with sex, but there can be moments in the moment that emotions are shared, needs are met and for them fulfillment in an arrangement in which this is the only way they can or want to give of themselves. We once again are surrendered to this without resentment. We don't feel dis empowered when we give sexually but but feel a sense of power when we accept this arrangement of how we give ourselves. Sex does not become a shackle of NEED which creates possessiveness and insecurities nor sexual dependency. This acceptance makes the encounter no less meaningful but valid and reaffirming of our need to be touched as humans which is a powerful communication in itself.
There is a beauty in this and some peaceful satisfaction that allows us to be in that present moment. We need to let go of trying to define the role of the lover and leave it at that and not a jump off to anything more. The sooner we come to clarity between both parties involved that there are no expectations other than to be present in that moment it empowers us to feel in control of our emotions which removes all of our inhibitions. These inhibitions blur the black and white lines into gray areas. We miss the soft touch that caresses the small of our back, the warm body wrapped up in a entanglement of surrender, the passionate entwining bodies in deep release of raw pent up energies, the emotional flow of connection and acceptance that only come to eyes and arms wide open to the loveHER.....
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sexuality: Innocent till Proven Guilty?
Ciara banned from BET for being too racy and sexual for the audiences' viewing... Yet Trey Songz can be shown on same network in a video called "The Neighbors Know My Name" and we all know we're not talking about the a friendly hello from Mr Smith as he picks up the morning paper. So why the hypocrisy? why the double standard? Fact of the matter is that Ciara perhaps had no idea what hornets nest she stirred up of gender and sexuality discourse that would occur. Although there are many layers to this onion of complexities in this one video... it would be wise to cover a particular and that is a woman's sexuality. The age old battle never ceases and is ever evolving in the ways in which it makes an impact on women from generation to generation. Just when one may think they have it figured out there is always that small crack or crevice in which perfect chaos slips through.. perfect chaos that is packaged in the image of mass media that market and sell question marks in our minds of what we as a woman should feel about our sexuality, while they seem to make periods. End of statement.. no commas, no semi colons, no open ended sentences. But I think that some things need to be edited..
Should a confident woman expressing her sexuality as Ciara did in the video be considered lewd, vulgar, inappropriate, unlady like, oversexed or too dare I say masucline? Should she have to apologize for it or relegate herself to be in the background of the music video as a sex prop, eye candy or an accessory. Women question in their minds all too often as they walk out their doors and tug on their skirt wondering if it's too short, finding that button positioned a bit higher that could seal the cleavage in or their lipstick a color code for an inappropriate proposition. There's the constant whispers of societal imposed morals or our families' inherited values that weigh heavy on us pushing us on the edge or coddling us oh too tightly that sometimes we never ask our ownselves how do WE feel? When has our sexuality as individual women become the "example" for the multitudes and not a personal responsibility to be true to ourselves first, thus we can be truth in reality to the many, because then it is coming from a real place. It's a fine line that thing called "personal example" for many. Can you be considered an individual if you are slave to the opinion of many? Sexuality seems to have censorship in which is delegated as seen fit when it serves a greedy hand's profiting purpose, but let not a woman own that which is hers. Let not a woman grow wise to the fact that she doesn't have to twerk her hips in that seductive way for the attention of man or he might not get the pleasure HE wants, Let not a woman grow wise that the revealing nature of all her womanly goods leaves nothing to her imagination but everything in HIS or Let not a woman grow wise that sitting in the backseat is no fun when you can drive the car... for some might not like the road less traveled.
Road less traveled... yes that all can be about oneself and not another. There are no double standards because there is one standard in which we reference our own conscious, yet we all have to play this game of life.. the rules in which we live upon, but one must decide to what shade of gray they choose to walk. Every cause has an affect and how we choose to wear this body and express ourselves have an incredible impact of personal power and sexual power has been the source of creation and the detriment of it in the like. So we must be careful in whom has control of yours.. let it not fall in the wrong hands. It's responsibility to know that when I dance in the club I am in control and not someonelse thus it never warrants someone to step up to me with rights, just as a bit of a peek a boo of cleavage does not warrant the depraved action of a rape. A strut down the street with hips sashaying left to right does not warrant a disrespectful cat call and when rejected does not warrant being called out my name. Being gifted with well endowed body parts does not enlist me to be the next " video vixen". All it says is that the jury is out on popular opinion that a woman's sexuality is innocent till proven guilty....
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Should a confident woman expressing her sexuality as Ciara did in the video be considered lewd, vulgar, inappropriate, unlady like, oversexed or too dare I say masucline? Should she have to apologize for it or relegate herself to be in the background of the music video as a sex prop, eye candy or an accessory. Women question in their minds all too often as they walk out their doors and tug on their skirt wondering if it's too short, finding that button positioned a bit higher that could seal the cleavage in or their lipstick a color code for an inappropriate proposition. There's the constant whispers of societal imposed morals or our families' inherited values that weigh heavy on us pushing us on the edge or coddling us oh too tightly that sometimes we never ask our ownselves how do WE feel? When has our sexuality as individual women become the "example" for the multitudes and not a personal responsibility to be true to ourselves first, thus we can be truth in reality to the many, because then it is coming from a real place. It's a fine line that thing called "personal example" for many. Can you be considered an individual if you are slave to the opinion of many? Sexuality seems to have censorship in which is delegated as seen fit when it serves a greedy hand's profiting purpose, but let not a woman own that which is hers. Let not a woman grow wise to the fact that she doesn't have to twerk her hips in that seductive way for the attention of man or he might not get the pleasure HE wants, Let not a woman grow wise that the revealing nature of all her womanly goods leaves nothing to her imagination but everything in HIS or Let not a woman grow wise that sitting in the backseat is no fun when you can drive the car... for some might not like the road less traveled.
Road less traveled... yes that all can be about oneself and not another. There are no double standards because there is one standard in which we reference our own conscious, yet we all have to play this game of life.. the rules in which we live upon, but one must decide to what shade of gray they choose to walk. Every cause has an affect and how we choose to wear this body and express ourselves have an incredible impact of personal power and sexual power has been the source of creation and the detriment of it in the like. So we must be careful in whom has control of yours.. let it not fall in the wrong hands. It's responsibility to know that when I dance in the club I am in control and not someonelse thus it never warrants someone to step up to me with rights, just as a bit of a peek a boo of cleavage does not warrant the depraved action of a rape. A strut down the street with hips sashaying left to right does not warrant a disrespectful cat call and when rejected does not warrant being called out my name. Being gifted with well endowed body parts does not enlist me to be the next " video vixen". All it says is that the jury is out on popular opinion that a woman's sexuality is innocent till proven guilty....
With Soul,
Artistic Soul
Friday, June 4, 2010
YOU are good company..
" Girl don't worry you will find someone one day...it will happen.
" When you least expect it and you not looking.. it will happen they will come"
" I mean I am happy I would have never thought it would happen but look at me.. you will have this too one day"..
Does this sound familiar? The wise words of our friends? We love our friends... we do, but my newest realization is that no one and that's NO ONE knows what our future will bring. Be careful not to let your future hopes hang on the "good intentions" of words. The grass is always greener on the other side.. but which side are you wanting to be on? Are you sure you want to choose sides? The real question is can you be content in being alone with yourself and acknowledge or accept that a partner is not promised? I think that somehow in this is where the peace lies, when you can really let go and let live. You can stop living in a world of maybes, or what ifs.. or looking for the lay away plan.. but you live in the present. It's called not being attached to an outcome....
We find it hard to let go of the ken and barbie doll role plays of ourselves in which we lived vicariously through them hoping we'd have the dream home. We rolled the dice in the game of LIFE and collected $100 along the way and saw our whole future played out on the winding road of a board game. We then graduated into soft teen romance novels that had us fantasizing about that first kiss, the strange tingle between our legs and the swelling of our breasts. Everywhere we turned there were constant visual cues and messages that told us we should always plan to be two and not ONE. So we make the box and thus begins the road of our collecting... collecting those partners that would become our "exs" exs that we thought were the "one" the father of our child, the soul mate, one we could cross off the list.. and we stuffed them in this box.. this box we made that was a square and he was a triangle but still we stuffed them in there, yet we wondered why they didn't fit. Some did and to this day we are all cramped and annoyed that they didn't fit but we made them. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we become less and they become more of value in this "box"? why do we think we are in control when we powerlessly give way to our rights to say yes or no...these are real words that do exist, yet we fail to use them often. Why do we try to make a dollar out of 15cents or take piece of them and try to create a whole...What I call "Faux" relationship...
Why do we feel that any relationship is better than no relationship? Why do we accept this "Faux relationship? We want so bad to rock that expensive fur that we settle for a "fake". Even when we clearly see the imperfections sewn and patched so glaringly before us we still wear it. When they say " I am not ready for anything serious right now".. you hear "I am not ready for a relationship RIGHT NOW, but in time you will so I will just stick around and wait it out...." Red flags are waving and alarms are going off and yet all we see is the KMART blue light special going off and we go running. There's..nothing special about it and there ain't no discount.. there is never a discount on LOVE.
It's been quite the battle for me.. the endless lessons I wish would end but they never do, but they do get better. The one thing about the universe is that you will repeat a lesson till it feels you are ready to move on. It will re manifest itself in some other form and yet carry the same the lesson or maybe you have progressed but still you got some more to go. Time passes.. all the while.. you look behind you and see your box grow further away and notice the tattered edges and torn corners and wonder if this is worth keeping... Do we hold on or let go? I found that through all the challenges one resolve I made though hard was that no matter what my best friend and I giggled about in English class in the details of our family plans some many years ago.. I would never just get married or have a family because it was that "time". My 36th birthday... has come and gone and here I am careful to look at my glass the right way.. half empty or half full... simply one year older at 36 or 4 years away from 40.. which would you pick? ( I have to chuckle at that one) yet this is reality of the struggle. Still we must be open to growth, be open to wisdom and that there is deep down inside a place where the lessons all converge to this one point. This one point in which you wake up and realize last night you slept alone and enjoyed stretching out in the fullness of your bed, walked in your home and cooked for one or ate nothing at all, went out every night of the week and no clock kept track. You realize that your smiles are from the simple pleasures you took for granted, the laughter from the inside jokes with friends and you get so lost in your own world that you realize the only company, the best company you have been keeping is YOU.
When you are satisfied with you..Then IF and WHEN that someone will come along..there will be no IOYOU.. But you will be paid in FULL.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
" When you least expect it and you not looking.. it will happen they will come"
" I mean I am happy I would have never thought it would happen but look at me.. you will have this too one day"..
Does this sound familiar? The wise words of our friends? We love our friends... we do, but my newest realization is that no one and that's NO ONE knows what our future will bring. Be careful not to let your future hopes hang on the "good intentions" of words. The grass is always greener on the other side.. but which side are you wanting to be on? Are you sure you want to choose sides? The real question is can you be content in being alone with yourself and acknowledge or accept that a partner is not promised? I think that somehow in this is where the peace lies, when you can really let go and let live. You can stop living in a world of maybes, or what ifs.. or looking for the lay away plan.. but you live in the present. It's called not being attached to an outcome....
We find it hard to let go of the ken and barbie doll role plays of ourselves in which we lived vicariously through them hoping we'd have the dream home. We rolled the dice in the game of LIFE and collected $100 along the way and saw our whole future played out on the winding road of a board game. We then graduated into soft teen romance novels that had us fantasizing about that first kiss, the strange tingle between our legs and the swelling of our breasts. Everywhere we turned there were constant visual cues and messages that told us we should always plan to be two and not ONE. So we make the box and thus begins the road of our collecting... collecting those partners that would become our "exs" exs that we thought were the "one" the father of our child, the soul mate, one we could cross off the list.. and we stuffed them in this box.. this box we made that was a square and he was a triangle but still we stuffed them in there, yet we wondered why they didn't fit. Some did and to this day we are all cramped and annoyed that they didn't fit but we made them. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we become less and they become more of value in this "box"? why do we think we are in control when we powerlessly give way to our rights to say yes or no...these are real words that do exist, yet we fail to use them often. Why do we try to make a dollar out of 15cents or take piece of them and try to create a whole...What I call "Faux" relationship...
Why do we feel that any relationship is better than no relationship? Why do we accept this "Faux relationship? We want so bad to rock that expensive fur that we settle for a "fake". Even when we clearly see the imperfections sewn and patched so glaringly before us we still wear it. When they say " I am not ready for anything serious right now".. you hear "I am not ready for a relationship RIGHT NOW, but in time you will so I will just stick around and wait it out...." Red flags are waving and alarms are going off and yet all we see is the KMART blue light special going off and we go running. There's..nothing special about it and there ain't no discount.. there is never a discount on LOVE.
It's been quite the battle for me.. the endless lessons I wish would end but they never do, but they do get better. The one thing about the universe is that you will repeat a lesson till it feels you are ready to move on. It will re manifest itself in some other form and yet carry the same the lesson or maybe you have progressed but still you got some more to go. Time passes.. all the while.. you look behind you and see your box grow further away and notice the tattered edges and torn corners and wonder if this is worth keeping... Do we hold on or let go? I found that through all the challenges one resolve I made though hard was that no matter what my best friend and I giggled about in English class in the details of our family plans some many years ago.. I would never just get married or have a family because it was that "time". My 36th birthday... has come and gone and here I am careful to look at my glass the right way.. half empty or half full... simply one year older at 36 or 4 years away from 40.. which would you pick? ( I have to chuckle at that one) yet this is reality of the struggle. Still we must be open to growth, be open to wisdom and that there is deep down inside a place where the lessons all converge to this one point. This one point in which you wake up and realize last night you slept alone and enjoyed stretching out in the fullness of your bed, walked in your home and cooked for one or ate nothing at all, went out every night of the week and no clock kept track. You realize that your smiles are from the simple pleasures you took for granted, the laughter from the inside jokes with friends and you get so lost in your own world that you realize the only company, the best company you have been keeping is YOU.
When you are satisfied with you..Then IF and WHEN that someone will come along..there will be no IOYOU.. But you will be paid in FULL.
with soul,
Artistic Soul
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Belly Aching
Definition of "Womb"-A place where something is generated. An encompassing protective or hallow space. A place where something is made or formed.
Birth, new life in the real sense creates an indescribable act of miracle and yet this same place from which this miracle is created is the most vulnerable place on our body. It protects some of the most vital parts of our body. Out of the womb also comes the origin of emotions, the core of where our feelings are released and where they are held. This energy of emotions sets forth in motion a psychological journey in which we embark on daily. What will be birthed from this journey is something all together one must decide.
I paced back and forth in my in my room pouting and cursing all the while every other minute was a glance in the full length mirror in my room. I was running out of time to pack for my trip to LA for memorial day weekend and nothing seemed to be the right thing to wear. I poked and prodded at my belly, stood side ways, sucked in, stood straight, slouched in and cursed this protruding nemisis on my body. It was a control freak and an unwanted visitor that had seemed to overstay its welcome. It spoke a mind of it's own telling me what to do and what to think. "Don't wear that, Wear this and Don't even think about trying on that. I finally fumbled around and stuffed my bag with clothes out of mental exhaustion and a pissy mood. I most definitely was over it, although I knew this battle was far from over.....this battle has been waging as a full blown war and assault on my mind and I am not the only casualty. Women write obituaries to their self esteem and bury the most valued treasures of self in a shallow grave of body image.
Women cringe over so many parts of their bodies but one of the most fascinating to me is the belly, the womb, this most sacred part has created sacrilege for many of us. A place where so much power is held has become our weakness. We have become addicts, overdosing on our own distorted views of the center of our womanhood. We don't place healing hands on our womb but touch it with rejection and malice..malice against ourselves. It's a crime in which we make ourselves serve time... valuable time lost in this false imprisonment. Body Image.. it's a culprit of sorts, a trickster of the mind taunting us. We sometimes cry and buckle over clutching our stomachs in deep mournful sobs and yet when we eat and are full we rub it in sheer delight, how do both these things exist in one place? I imagine that this sacred place is often confused as energies flow to and fro in a bundled mess of misdirection. Why can't we seem to get this message straight?
There is an audible and visual broadcast of propaganda handing us psychological pamphlets of the definition of the society's image of a woman. We read them and often believe them, reciting them by memory until we think that we were the ones that made the conception, but it's an immaculate conception of sorts in which unless the last time I looked we were no Jesus. So how does it all become truth.. truth for every single woman, laid down like law. Well the jury is out and we are guilty for believing...
Unlike the constitution in which all men are created equal... women were not created equal. They come in all shapes and sizes predisposed by nature and genetics to be who they are. Yet they are given this canvas in which they must work with to create the picture of themselves in which they deem a masterpiece. It's an original one of a kind piece that no one can duplicate. No one tells an artist what they shall create..
what is it that you shall create? what is it that I shall create? An artist decides every stroke of the brush is important and in the end it matters not if the final piece is adored by the onlooker but what matters most is that it is a work admired by one's self who created it.....
with soul,
artistic soul
Birth, new life in the real sense creates an indescribable act of miracle and yet this same place from which this miracle is created is the most vulnerable place on our body. It protects some of the most vital parts of our body. Out of the womb also comes the origin of emotions, the core of where our feelings are released and where they are held. This energy of emotions sets forth in motion a psychological journey in which we embark on daily. What will be birthed from this journey is something all together one must decide.
I paced back and forth in my in my room pouting and cursing all the while every other minute was a glance in the full length mirror in my room. I was running out of time to pack for my trip to LA for memorial day weekend and nothing seemed to be the right thing to wear. I poked and prodded at my belly, stood side ways, sucked in, stood straight, slouched in and cursed this protruding nemisis on my body. It was a control freak and an unwanted visitor that had seemed to overstay its welcome. It spoke a mind of it's own telling me what to do and what to think. "Don't wear that, Wear this and Don't even think about trying on that. I finally fumbled around and stuffed my bag with clothes out of mental exhaustion and a pissy mood. I most definitely was over it, although I knew this battle was far from over.....this battle has been waging as a full blown war and assault on my mind and I am not the only casualty. Women write obituaries to their self esteem and bury the most valued treasures of self in a shallow grave of body image.
Women cringe over so many parts of their bodies but one of the most fascinating to me is the belly, the womb, this most sacred part has created sacrilege for many of us. A place where so much power is held has become our weakness. We have become addicts, overdosing on our own distorted views of the center of our womanhood. We don't place healing hands on our womb but touch it with rejection and malice..malice against ourselves. It's a crime in which we make ourselves serve time... valuable time lost in this false imprisonment. Body Image.. it's a culprit of sorts, a trickster of the mind taunting us. We sometimes cry and buckle over clutching our stomachs in deep mournful sobs and yet when we eat and are full we rub it in sheer delight, how do both these things exist in one place? I imagine that this sacred place is often confused as energies flow to and fro in a bundled mess of misdirection. Why can't we seem to get this message straight?
There is an audible and visual broadcast of propaganda handing us psychological pamphlets of the definition of the society's image of a woman. We read them and often believe them, reciting them by memory until we think that we were the ones that made the conception, but it's an immaculate conception of sorts in which unless the last time I looked we were no Jesus. So how does it all become truth.. truth for every single woman, laid down like law. Well the jury is out and we are guilty for believing...
Unlike the constitution in which all men are created equal... women were not created equal. They come in all shapes and sizes predisposed by nature and genetics to be who they are. Yet they are given this canvas in which they must work with to create the picture of themselves in which they deem a masterpiece. It's an original one of a kind piece that no one can duplicate. No one tells an artist what they shall create..
what is it that you shall create? what is it that I shall create? An artist decides every stroke of the brush is important and in the end it matters not if the final piece is adored by the onlooker but what matters most is that it is a work admired by one's self who created it.....
with soul,
artistic soul
Friday, May 28, 2010
Identity.....
white, black, brown, yellow, down .. skinny,round.. profound or mundane... all the same who creates you? who defines you? so is the question of the night as me and my friend discussed "identity". What does that mean? is it in the color of your skin? is it the country that lays claim to the ancestry of your family? is it the music you listen to or the clothes you wear, how you rock the red lipstick or the big bamboo earrings? or the dark lined eyes that hide the fact that you don't know you but search to find you. Grunged out..sagged out swaying about to the rhythm of what plays on the next track that sets you back to childhood memories of that one "white" friend or that one "black" friend that is your immediate education of all the world around you, but little do you know. Little do you know that we are not given to the choice of skin we wear... nor the burden or blessing it it may bear... and to that is in the eye of the beholder to perceive what is "good" or 'bad". Conditioned ways lay hold of our fragile impressionable minds.... we regurgitate a pedagogy of I follow yous... and do what you do if you acknowledge that I am someone too. But it's not the color of your skin but the content of your character.. what registers to your soul.. what speaks to you? can you break the chains of prejudiced traditions? can you cross the boundaries of skin colored biases and class bound ropes around wrists of anxious bodies wanting to be free. Free of boxes that label sexuality belonging to you or me... but sexuality belongs to itself and requires fragile handling..for if abused it can be broken. Free of cultural jump ropes of i'm to light or I 'm too dark and i'm too skinny or i"m too fat to move and dance before audiences of wandering souls looking for the next best fix of their copy cat worlds and carboned copied imaginations that wish they were the ones that could be the spectacle of admiration. But instead they look at themselves and tuck you into a small box of forget-me-knots until they are ready to accept you for you in which you are never you.... but you are the white, black, brown, yellow, down .. skinny,round.. profound or mundane...and all the same you struggle to find your "identity".......
what about you? do you know who you are?
with soul,
artistic soul
what about you? do you know who you are?
with soul,
artistic soul
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Self Realizations....
My 36th bday seemed to be a magical one, an epiphany of sorts as I strolled through the bar..music and laughter...and scattered throughout were my familiar faces. It hit me... a "shift" a REALIZATION, a peaceful contentment that somehow was made up of little works in the universe all moving towards this moment to finally say "you are ready..." my status for today's Facebook read "REALIZATIONS... SHIFTING.. THEY ALL HAPPEN IN THEIR OWN TIME. WE CAN'T FORCE SOMETHING WE ARE NOT READY FOR, BUT WHEN WE ARE READY....IT BRINGS SOUL RECOGNITION AND CLEAR AFFIRMATIONS THAT BRING AN INDESCRIBABLE PEACE AND JOY"
To this be true.. and perhaps it was not magical... perhaps it was simply positive reinforcement that I was ready to acknowledge where I was in myself in that very moment and the universe agreed. All at once clarity came about friends, lovers, men/relationships of past and those not yet come, my purpose, artistic expression and direction. The friends that have always been, the friends that serve a specific purpose, the friends that were and are no more,the friends that were and still can't be, the friends that are fair weathered and the ones that no matter where you are and how little or how often you speak.. you feel time stood still for you two, new friends, old friends, friends you've yet to meet.. they came into my new found "realization". The "realization" that I am perfectly brown, short, unskinny and not sized to proportionate perfection or molded to the world's standard that dares to negate my self worth and undeniable talents because they are nearsighted to their own lack of Self "realization" that it ain't all about them. Let me be about MY business and why the creator and universe had a deep conversation over a cup of tea about why I should be so perfectly created and made it so...made it so and that was a private conversation, not for the world to have say. Thank you very much. The lovers that finally worked out to be just that.. a lover and not a "faux(fake) unavailable pieced together part-time"non relationship". The past men and the men to come I sum it up to and for them as I told a new kindred sister of a friend about one of my new found "realizations" this: there's been too many tears, wasted moments, hesitations, stalled plans, wishful thoughts, daydreams of picket fences and lil pattering feet running around in a cloud of "MAYBES"..... all spent on one phrase "One day..."
No for me TODAY is the day and can't anyone tell me either about "one day..." cuz everyone needs to worry about their own "one days.." they need to deal with because they missin out on their "realization"......
If you can relate and you have found in the recent your own realization, please share with me. As well feel free to respond to anything I have said.. this is my FIRST BLOG! so off we go and this is what SOUL TALK is all about.. welcome.
with soul,
Artistic Soul....
To this be true.. and perhaps it was not magical... perhaps it was simply positive reinforcement that I was ready to acknowledge where I was in myself in that very moment and the universe agreed. All at once clarity came about friends, lovers, men/relationships of past and those not yet come, my purpose, artistic expression and direction. The friends that have always been, the friends that serve a specific purpose, the friends that were and are no more,the friends that were and still can't be, the friends that are fair weathered and the ones that no matter where you are and how little or how often you speak.. you feel time stood still for you two, new friends, old friends, friends you've yet to meet.. they came into my new found "realization". The "realization" that I am perfectly brown, short, unskinny and not sized to proportionate perfection or molded to the world's standard that dares to negate my self worth and undeniable talents because they are nearsighted to their own lack of Self "realization" that it ain't all about them. Let me be about MY business and why the creator and universe had a deep conversation over a cup of tea about why I should be so perfectly created and made it so...made it so and that was a private conversation, not for the world to have say. Thank you very much. The lovers that finally worked out to be just that.. a lover and not a "faux(fake) unavailable pieced together part-time"non relationship". The past men and the men to come I sum it up to and for them as I told a new kindred sister of a friend about one of my new found "realizations" this: there's been too many tears, wasted moments, hesitations, stalled plans, wishful thoughts, daydreams of picket fences and lil pattering feet running around in a cloud of "MAYBES"..... all spent on one phrase "One day..."
No for me TODAY is the day and can't anyone tell me either about "one day..." cuz everyone needs to worry about their own "one days.." they need to deal with because they missin out on their "realization"......
If you can relate and you have found in the recent your own realization, please share with me. As well feel free to respond to anything I have said.. this is my FIRST BLOG! so off we go and this is what SOUL TALK is all about.. welcome.
with soul,
Artistic Soul....
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